Thank you notes before presents opened - tacky or not?

Question

My 3yo son recently attended a birthday party where, with the goody bag at the end of the party, he received a thank you note thanking him for attending the party and for the lovely gift. My first thought was "What a good ieda, I should do that next time. It would save me lot of work from having to mail out thank you notes to everyone." However, the more I though about it, I wondered if others would consider it tacky, or in bad taste.

I know at some parties, the kids open presents in front of everyone, but this time, the parents chose to open them later (I have done this as well, especially with younger kids).

I wonder what Miss manners would say? And, would it make a diference if the presents were opened at the party? WDYT?

Answer 1

You can not write a proper thank you note without knowing what the present is!!!!

I have "Miss Manner's guide to rearing perfect children" beside me and she clearly states that the note should refer to the present specifically and mention something that the child likes about it. Also, the letter should be sent the day AFTER receiving the present.

I know saving time is important, however teaching your child good manners is important too.

How would you feel if you spent all Saturday picking out the perfect gift and got at note saying: thanks for the gift. I appreciate it. -- it is so insincere.

Wouldn't you rather get a note that says: thanks for the Thomas the tank engine book. Thomas is my favorite!

Answer 2

I'm not sure, on the one hand, it might seem as if there wasn't a lot of thought put into the thank you note, after all, they don't even know what they got. Thank you notes should be personal, or should at least feel thoughtful, since there was no doubt a lot of thought put into the gift. The cookie cutter thank you note handed out before the gift is even opened might feel like a cop out.

On the other hand, thank you notes are time consuming and it can be difficult to make sure that they get to the gift givers. The thank you notes on the gift bags are easier, and definitely save energy.

I guess I probably wouldn't do it, because I wouldn't want anyone else to think that we didn't care enough to give a personalized note, but I wouldn't be offended or anything if I recieved one, after all, a thank you is a thank you.

Then again, I'm not the type to expect a thank you note or be upset if I didn't recieve one. I'm usually surprised when I get one in the mail.

Answer 3

I don't consider it tacky.  Really it is a time saver and in some cases it gives you the time and opportunity to put something really thoughtful into the thank you note instead of a rushed little note saying thanks.  

I did this when I had my baby shower and no one thought it was tacky.  I just thanked them for being there and the gift but I also put more into it, like thanking them for everything they had been doing for me and the baby and helping me with the shower and all.  

I don't think anyone would think it was tacky.  It's not like you're not thanking them at all.

Answer 4

kids are so excited about presents - at my son's 3rd birthday, his friends were really excited to give him the present and he was so excited to open it, they all just did it there and then. it seemed a shame to stop it when the kids were getting such obvious enjoyment out of it.

But yes thank you notes are nice at any time!

Answer 5

I think it's a pretty good idea, actually.  Maybe not thanking them for a 'gift', but thanking them for attending the party.

Answer 6

I think it would be okay to put a thank you card in the goody bag if it simply said something like thank you for coming to my party but putting the thank you for the gift I do not feel appropriate.  Some times people don't bring gifts, and if they receive a thank you card at the party "thank you for the gift" that would not be right.

Answer 7

that IS tacky.

usually in thank you notes you put something personalized like "thank you for the _____. i had fun doing this and that with it and blah blah blah"

dont do that. they will think the same things you are thinking.

its not rude to not open gifts at the party. it IS rude to send a thank you note without even seeing the gift. esp if that person didnt bring a gift and just got a card or something. how awkward!

Answer 8

At that age, I COULD understand that, but any older...it's tacky. You really don't have time to sit and write a simple 2 setence thank you card to include what that person got your kid? Then you have those that sometimes don't bring a gift.

I think a thank you card should always include what the reciever gave the person and once a child is 6-7+,  the child should  write it out themselves. Simply, "Thanks for the _______. I really like it. I put it ________ or it's alreay been put to use. Love ____."

I think it's tacky and a little rude to do something like this. Writing "thanks for coming" is nice but I wouldn't put "thanks for the gift".  My niece is 12yrs and my sister in law still writes out her thank you notes with, "Thanks for coming to my party and for the lovely gift. Love, Lindsay." Whats your point? I want to hear the thank you out of the person I gave the present to.

Best Wishes =]

Answer 9

At first read, I thought...What a great idea, but as I was formulating this answer, I thought...what if the person did not bring a gift?  Yes, the pre-thanking was a bit much.

How about a thank you note in the goody bag just for attending the party.  Something that says, thank you for joining me on this special day, or it means so much to me that you took this time to spend with me on this special day, etc.   This way, you've already thanked them and no need to send another note for the gift.

Answer 10

The only real problem I see is -- what if a kid went to the party and didn't bring a gift?

It's a big assumption that everyone will be bringing a gift. Also, I know if I brought someone a gift (other than a wedding gift) I'd like for them to open it while I'm there so that I can see that the person is happy with it or not.

Answer 11

When i was a kid we opened gifts (fromm friends at party) in front of everyone.  With the family we did it after dinner.  Tacky about the notes.  I was taught to write one after a few days

Answer 12

i think that's tacky. I have alway's had my children open there presents at the party why would you say thank you for the present  when you have no idea what it is?