Thanks is advance for your help. This one teeters on 'Stupid.' Which way are you leaning?

Question

*****

I BELIEVE

if God were made of mortar and stone,

sitting on a golden throne,

would he fall down from skies windblown?

and if a dream can really die, we moan,

at their funerals, please don't cry,

pick the pieces up and march in stride,

and sing a dirge to love,

...and the dove of piece,

has such scrawny meat,

not enough for us to eat...tonight.

*****

Answer 1

It is an example of your sense of  your sense of humor and your versatility; it needs to be in the book exactly as it is posted.

EDIT: As an afterthought, did you want "piece?" Or peace?

Answer 2

from a layman who really knows nothing technically

i always lean in to the content more.

so (just personally) telling someone not to cry at a funeral

is stupid, much less tell them anything on how it goes.

the stanzas have a negative to it. and the title says 'i believe'.

its a hard mix your trying, and im glad that is explained.

better than i could do for sure tho.

im just being honest, you know.

not all my corn has ears either..

Answer 3

I am quite critical of poetry as you know. The rhythm and rhyme in the initial stanza and one assumes that it will carry on throughout the entire poem. However the poet should have his license revoked for the other stanzas. The music is void within the remainder of the piece. I know that you can do better I have seen so.

Answer 4

I lean between stupidity and laziness...

I find it to be a very comfortable spot (as distinct from the boil on my bum, which is a very uncomfortable spot...)

D!

PS Nice job...I especially like the "dove of piece"...

PPS Would that dove eat "peace-meal" for dinner...?

Answer 5

Seems like Alice fell down the Rabbit hole -- and a new and weird world was opened.  Lewis Carroll would be proud.

Answer 6

I like it.

I like its controversiality.

Wording is also good.

Well done.

Answer 7

I think this poem accomplishes your goals. I'm leaning toward whimsical, surreal verse here.

Answer 8

If you were reaching for a comic laden soliloquy, you have achieved touchdown.  Great reach, great work.

Answer 9

nice...... can you please read my poem? its right above yours....

Answer 10

I love nonsense! this is not stupid.

Answer 11

No, not stupid, certainly not silly and the pun truly groan inspiring.  Interesting questions...hmm

Answer 12

You really are a unique fellow, you know that?

I don't think it's stupid at all and I won't be teetering til about 8pm...

Answer 13

Just breezy thoughts I would think,i like the first two stanzas,

The third does not reach me, but that's just me.