The Deciding to Have a Baby Checklist?

Question

Following my previous question 'We want a baby but is that reason enough to have one'.

I've done so much reading on forums and websites and books and spoken to friends of mine who are mothers and yet I cannot find the one thing I think I need... some kind of checklist of things to consider with my partner before we TTC. I know not everyone's circumstances are the same but as a general decision making tool I think a checklist would help to make things clearer for us.

Please share your opinions with whats on the list already and FEEL FREE TO GIVE SUGGESTIONS OF THIGNS TO ADD!!!

1- Is the 'want' really to raise a 'child' together and not just to have a 'baby' (cos a baby is not just for Christmas)

2- How long do I stay at home before returning to study and part time work

3- pre-natal and post-natal devision of house hold chores; what happens if I have debilitating morning sickness or other pregnancy related medical issues that may require bed rest

4- Finances; are we eligible for Government assistance (Australia) and survival on a single income both practically and emotionally

5- Division of parenting responsibilities; getting up in the night, changing dirty nappies, 'me time', understanding that parenting is ALSO a full time job

6- Pro's and Con's list; how will having a baby affect live as we know it? What will each parent have to sacrifice/appreciating eachothers sacrifices

7- Parenting Philosophy: what kind of parents do we want to be? Questions relating to; breastfeeding, circumcision, discipline, immunisation, presenting an 'united front' and not having a war of opinions.

....agree with all of that? Suggestions? Are we over thinking it?

I know nothing will go to perfect plan but we're trying to make an informed decision, please help!!!

Answer 1

You seem to have a lot of questions and concerns about starting a family.  That is great that you are thinking ahead but if you have to ask others for their opinion and not yourself then I truly believe you are not emotionally ready.   You may be worrying way too much as well.  Going to the land of "what if" causes so many other problems.  Good luck in your decision.

Answer 2

Yes, you are over thinking this one.  I do give you credit for being through!

Many people in many different circumstances have babies (some really shouldn't, but that's another post!) and many go on to be great parents/providers/supporters for their children.

If you are having this many questions/doubts maybe you just are ready yet, which is fine!  Only you and your partner will know when its right for you.  You'll know in your heart not by following a check list.

  And when you do decided to have a baby everything will fall into place (maybe not easily), it is a learning process that we all go through.  I read almost every pregnancy/parenting book out there and once my baby arrived I realized I knew nothing about caring for him.  Now, 6 months later he is a happy, healthy and thriving baby with parents who learn new things every day.  

Answer 3

These are all great thoughts - many of which I myself went through in my mind. Are you over thinking it? I would say yes, you are a little. I never forgot something a parent said to me when I worked at a daycare. I had mentioned I wasn't ready to have kids yet, and he said "if you wait to have kids until your ready, you will never have them." A wise statement. I can tell you, it's a feeling that will continue until you bring them home. I remember bringing my son home and thinking "now what?", and the first few nights of endless feedings I thought I was nuts to ever want kids. But you learn, and learn to love it. I think your over thinking it cause your scared somewhat to take that leap, and that is perfectly normal. My big question to test if your ready is - are you ready for your life to change? Cause the saying "a baby changes everything" is so true - and that can be either negative or positive depending on your situation. A lot of times too, the decisions you make beforehand, like whether to breastfeed, or circumcise or disipline and all that, changes when your actually faced with the situation.

Good luck - if you truly feel the time is right, it probably is.  

Answer 4

Great list. One more thing, is your relationship strong, very very very strong? Strong enough to endure all the stresses that occure when a child is brought into this world.  

Answer 5

the biggest one that bothers me is returning to study and part time work. and eligibility for governmental assistance.  You should take care of any schooling before even considering starting a family.  If you think you will just be able to pick up your studies and part time work, i think you are living on fantasy island.  Once you have that baby, you may find that you may not want to leave him or her even for a second, once you get emotionally attached.  being a mother is a full time job.  Dont expect the government to pick up the tab. If you cant afford to have the baby, then you should wait until you are financially sound.  This fairy tale about having the baby and dont worry it will all work out is baloney.  Get your education, get you diploma get a good job and then have the baby...

Answer 6

My partner and I did the exact same thing when deciding to have a baby. It made us realize that we were ready and couldn't wait.

Having a child is nothing to overthink! I think you did a wonderful job!