The future of Nursery Rhymes:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct
It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
'twas Little Boy Blue with a horn.
Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"What have u got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon
Pies you d**k head.
Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its a*se
and turned its wool to nylon
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cos he was g*y.
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill , the dill,
forgot her pill,
and now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill 's now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ***
Now two of his front teeth are missing
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white and whispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now its black and crispy
Spider, spider on the wall.
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
Now you're stuck you silly ******
Hey Diddle, Diddle,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of electric shock.
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a
Waterfront condo and a sports car
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