The baby momma and his responsibilities...?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been going together for eight months and we lvoe each other to death. He has a four year old son and him and his sons mother have not been together since little man was born. They are not the angry pair of parents where one hates the other and vice versa and he is not on child support. He takes care of his son and loves him very much and he is not a dead beat dad. The part that I feel bothers me is that he helps his sons mother out when she is in need. Like her car broke down and he is getting it fixed. I feel that this should be something that she does herself but then I also guess its the well being of his son or is it just a friendly deed because once again this woman did birth your child. I know nothing is going on between him and her so this is not a concern. How do you feel and what do you think this relationship should be like?

Answer 1

Obviously, your boyfriend sounds like a great dad, however, i think that maybe the problem comes from one source. The fact that he does not a child support. Maybe, he feels the need to show he is still there for his son or if the moher does decide to take him to court in the future he can still say he has created some finicial back-up to benefit his sons life. Although they say all a child needs is love, in this day in age, love only goes so far. I would urge your boyfriend to pay a steady amount of child support that way he is not doing random "favors" for his child's mother and those insecure feelngs you are having will go away.

i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

I think he is a d**n good man and a good father! Stop stressing over nothing..... If you really thought "nothing is going on" then you wouldn't be on here asking this!

Answer 3

I feel like since they have a history together she will always feel like she can call him and depend on him for anything as long as he says yes. and i feel like since you two were only together for a short while she will not consider you when asking him for anything first.  However, when it gets to the point in your relationship when you and your Bf are totally serious about one another (not to say your not now) but eventually your relationship will start to "grow stronger" and more love and feelings w/ progress. at that time by her asking him to interupt your time to get her needs met unrelated to their son directly will irritate the h**l out of you. I just had the same issue that's why i answered your question, my fiance's BM called him and her phone had static so she pulled up enough nerve to ask him if he had an extra phone or did he know someone w/ one, he imediatly said yes!! and oh i snapped out, because i know she was just using him because he is really nice he likes to help people out, plus i knew she was being spiteful towards me since i havent known my fiance as long as shes known him,  i told him that there are certain folks we will help and some we will not,and in her case we will NOT help her w/ anything not unless it was their childs needs, i was most  hurt that he imediatley said yes w/ out talking w/ me first about it, like maybe he still had feelings for her. i know his BM is very needy and i had to explain to him that when they were once an item she had everything she could ever want and the fact that she still felt that way like she could just call him out the blue for something  hurted me inside, so i told him that he needs to set boundaries when it comes to her because it was affecting my trust towards him and our relationship as a whole. Please set boundaries now otherwise it will get worse, keep your communication open and yes you are the new boo dont let that worn out hussy make you feel uneasy or belittle your inteligence by running over you, Good Luck!

Answer 4

I think if he helps her out (when she is in need) when it would affect his son, then he should.  Because the son't mom needs to have a car (which helps take care of the son), I think it is ok.  If he were to start buying things for her like clothes or unnecessary things, then I think that will have crossed the line.  From what you described, it sounds OK to me!

Answer 5

She needs her car to be able to get to work, drive her son around and do other tasks for herself and her son so I can understand your boyfriend wanting to help. It'd be different if he was going to her house doing unnecessary tasks like re-tiling her kitchen or buying her things that won't help the child. I think you're just a bit jealous and insecure and don't need to make this a concern unless he steps out of the line. Looks like he's just being a good and caring father and making sure his son is well taken care of. So continue to support this one in a million father and don't let jealousy get in the way of that.

Good luck. ;]

Answer 6

think whatever you want my friend , but I promise you he is the man in her life , s*x may not be a factor , but I promise you , its an option , if you are not willing to share your man with this woman , get out now , or else you can expect more acts of "kindness" like this one.

Answer 7

Girl, it should be just what it is.  He's with you but prior to meeting or getting with you he started a family he couldn't finish. Just because the physical relationship is over "he has some responsibilities" just like you said.  If she's stranded, so is the child.  Be glad you don't have a sorry sap that will have both of them walking like many other men.

The way he treats them should really be an outline for you.  You could be in the same spot with him one day........... think about it.

My ex did the same thing for me and I appreciated it....helping out when I was in a bind was the least he could do since all the other commitments we had together were cut short when "we" ended.

Remember, she knows what you have and if she wanted it back she would already have it.......Don't worry, he's just being a good man. Encourage him to keep up the good work and let him know you're proud of him for being a good man and a good dad.  Break out the "freakem dress" and give him a little reward!  Keep it hot!

Answer 8

You need to realize what the real problem is here.

The problem is your jealousy and immaturity.

If you want love this man, you will need to accept the fact that his child will ALWAYS come first...

...and that equation includes momma.

Answer 9

It's nice of your bf to help out his childs mother with the car issue.  This is what I'd ask my bf if I were in this situation...where does the help end?  If she needs help with a light bill, will he assist her with that? What if she needs some shoes so that she can go to work?  Will he help her with those?  My point is... your boyfriend may have good intentions when he helps her, but for the sake of your relationship HE has to know where and when to draw the line with his assistance.  

Answer 10

I think if he isn't ordered to pay child support then he should help her with stuff like that.  If he was ordered to pay child support he would be paying her much more.

Answer 11

Sounds like he would be better off paying child support.  Yes you are very right.  It is his child and he should take full responsibility and pay.  And that he does, but full responsibility is half.  The mother should pay half and the father should pay half.  If his car broke down and he needed the money to get it fix would she allow that.  I highly doubt it.  But with all that said, does her son need to go places?  Would he have to pick up the "slack", because the mother didn't have transportation.  I understand why he did, he wants to help his child and felt like getting the ex's car fixed would be helping out the kid.  But are we sure that she isn't just nice to him because of the money?  My husband's ex is very much like that.  My husband paid extra money towards daycare, so his ex could use that money to fix her car.  She was so easy to get along with.  Now she is trying to buy a house and wants my husband to start sending her more money.  This is where I had my problem.  More power to her if she wants to buy a home, but that is not our responsibility to make it easier for her.  I don't believe she let him slack up on his child support (nor do I think this should have happened) when we were buying our home.  Now she is a complete hag.  I want my husband and his ex to have the lest amount of interaction as possible.  Thing is so does he though.  He only contacts her when he needs to talk about their child.  To me, that is the way is should be.  Good luck honey!

Answer 12

Well, I could understand your concern about the level of "help" your husband is giving but also understand that she has him by the short & curlies.  What do I mean by that?  Simply because your boyfriend is good to his son and isn't a dead beat dad, the simply fact is that if she wanted to she COULD make your boyfriend pay child support.  So, perhaps your boyfriend figures its easier (cheaper) to help her out with these little things than have 20% of his wages garnished every month like clockwork.

Answer 13

If nothing is going on between the two the leave it be. She needs that car to get to work and buy food for the boy... or do you want him to starve too death?