The basis of a bad friend? Kind of long (10 Points)?

Question

I have known my ex-friend for almost 5 years. He is awesome. He is nice and I thought we were close.

We met online, but we have hung out in person. Right now he is in his home town and I am in a completely other state.

When I become close to friends with someone, I treat them like family. Sometimes, I won't stand behind my family member's decisions. We argue about it but then everything is fine.

Well, he is 23 and he decided to date a 16 year old. I felt like throwing up when he gleefully told me. My little sister will be turning 16 in less than a month. If a 23 year old ever tried to date her, I would make him wish he were never born...but this guy was my friend :(

When we argued about me not backing him on his decision to be with her, he said that I wasn't a "true friend". It hurt. We stopped talking for a month.

Tonight, I wrote him. I told him that this kind of relationship hurts. I thought I was close enough to him to say that I don't support his decision and he thought that I would stand behind every little thing ,he made. It wasn't working. By the end of the discussion, I told him that we should burn our bridges and walk away. We deleted every form of contact we have with each other.

I don't know how to feel and I needed someone to turn to.

I just want to know if I was a bad friend? :( Should I have backed him up and supported his decision ?

Answer 1

so my parents are twelve years apart

(and for all off you saying OMG! GROSS! right now

fu$k you)

but that is illegal he should at least wait till she is actually allowed outside past city curfew

Answer 2

You were not a bad friend, but he is old enough to know better to not see a 16 year old girl.  You did not know him as much as you thought. It takes many years to really know someone.  Just because you did not agree with his decision to see a 16 year old, he is the one that is not a true friend. Friends will disagree, especially when it comes to morals and such. I know it must hurt right now, but trust me, you will have other friends come into your life. Give it some time. You did the right thing.

Answer 3

No, you weren't being a bad friend. Personally, I like when my friends tell me if I'm making the wrong decision because it gets me to reconsider things and really see if what i'm doing is right or wrong. How boring would it be if your friends agreed with you on your every single detail, people have opinions and they aren't always going to match up. Your friend just couldn't take the truth and I bet he knew what he was doing was wrong and that's why he got upset because you backed up the doubt in his mind.

Answer 4

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a 23 year old dating a 16 year old.  When the 16 year old is 20, he'll be 27.  All the age difference is a 7 gap.

My wife is 7 years older than me,

As for 'being a friend' and backing someone....!  It's tricky, it is about judgment as to the person and in relation to the situation itself.

I find myself very rarely backing my wife' as she can be so fiery and all but indiscriminate in what and how she says what she thinks and feels abou this person or that situation ....doing herself no favours.  So it is a mater of judgment ~ of the time, the place and the circumstances.

But, I do understand what you feel and mean. Your heart is in the right place.

Sash.

Answer 5

You were right to stand up for what you believe, esp when as you say he ASKED for your opinion.

His dating someone that young is wrong, and he obviously knows it or would not have gotten so upset. Not only that, but in most states it's against the law and he can be charged with Statutory Rape if anything physical happens.

An age difference of 7 years is no big deal for consenting ADULTS, but this girl was not that by any stretch.

Answer 6

not so long ago it was normal for men of almost any age to marry a girl after she become of age which was anywhere between 13 and 16

however society has changed and so has our laws

but just because the law says its wrong should be the end of the story

every persons situation is different and some times people need to be understands. I'm sure your friend is copping enough flack from friends / family and other people around him over his and her decision

now while i do believe personal that what he is doing is right

I'm not there and nor am I aware of the full situation

so I wont pass judgement on your friend.

now having known you for a while now I know that you are a very passionate person and also very suborn and opinionated when you want to be.

perhaps what you said wasn't so much the issue as how you said it

as i said he is probably under a lot of pressure with his relationship he probably wasn't expecting such fierce judgement from you.

so by the looks of it the end result is two stubborn passionate people both stuck defending there point of view as there friendship crumbles between them

you could either wait for an apology. apologise yourself

or give it time and approach him as a friend again when your ready

best of luck to you

Answer 7

With an attitude that he has I can't think why you would want to associate with any one so narrow minded. He thinks is so right that everyone else are wrong, even if they want to do as he is doing, if you understand my point.  

Answer 8

Okay, I have to recommend you breath calmly and don't be upset.

His decision to date the girl may or may not be wrong, I won't judge that because I have met couples who have vast age differences and I don't know either party(alternately a seven year difference when she's barely twice that is a little creepy, I must admit).

But more importantly is the question; were you fair to him? Did you tell him you had an issue with the relationship because he asked, or were you preaching to him? If he wanted you to back him in an area you just weren't comfortable in, then he's demanding a lot. But if you heard the news and became upset, pestering him with why it was wrong then it wasn't youbusinessss.

If it is the first case, if you honestly had an issue with the idea but were willing to gloss over it with neither support nor condemnation, then he's being the bad friend. If he really likes this girl, he might not see how bull-headed he's being in asking you to accept this. Give him time and explain that you just weren't comfortable with it, and perhaps someday you will be.

Alternately if all he wanted was to "not hear about it" and you pestered him, then you may have an issue.  If you really can't deal with the situation, you should tell him that you can't. This doesn't mean you can't be friends, but it may mean you have to stay out of his life for a while, untill either you become allright with the relationship or he breaks it off with the girl.