The best joke youve ever heard.?

Question

The best joke youve ever heard.?

Answer 1

there's king kong, superman, a smart blond, and santa claus on the Eiffel tower. which one jumps off first?

none, none of them exist!

Answer 2

4 people were on a plane, hilary clonton,george bush chealsea clinton and tom carry.

they were all chating when all of a sudden the pilot yelled we are aboutto crash!!! he put out three parachuts, as he already had his on. hiolary yelled "there are 4 of us and only 3 parachuts!!"

the pilot looked at her, then jumped of the plane. hilary got up and said "im getting the first parachut" and jumped off

carry said " im getting the second" and jumped off

bush said "cheaslea you go ahead you are just a young girl-"

he looked over and saw that there were two parachuts "how is that possible, there are only three parachuts" bush said.

chealsea replied "my mom didnt take a parachut, she took my backpack!"

Answer 3

It's too naughty to tell here.

Here's one I heard yesterday though...

What bleeds and has 2 legs?

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Half a dog.

Here's another:

        A married man goes into a confessional and says, "Father, I almost had an affair with another woman."

        The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?"

        The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

        The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put fifty dollars in the poor box."

        The man leaves the confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses and then starts to leave.

        The priest runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box."

        The man says, "Yeah, but I rubbed the fifty on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in."

Answer 4

Whats black white and red all over ?

a Zebra in A blender      lol

Answer 5

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic.

Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion.

Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people. Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!"The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk.

Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo! Officer! What about us Catholics ?"

Answer 6

Going to Heaven?  



  Father Murphy goes into a local bar in Dublin and approaches the first man he sees. "Do you want to go to Heaven?" he asks and the man says, "Indeed I do, Father." "Then for God's sake," commands the priest, "leave this pub right now."

He then goes to the next man, "Do you want to go to Heaven, my son?" And the man answers, "Yes Father, indeed I want to do that very thing." "Then ye must get out of this pub right now!" orders the priest.

Father Murphy continues this throughout the pub until he comes to the last man. "Do you want to go to Heaven, man?!" exhorts the priest. The man looks at his half-full beer, turns, looks at Father Murphy and says, "No, I don't,Father." "You mean to tell me, young man, that when you die, you don't want to go to Heaven?" asks the priest incredulously. "Oh, well, when I die, yes Father, I certainly do. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!"

Answer 7

well i have a racist joke but of course i cant say that cuz of this dumb site.... but why did they lock the gates to the grave yard???

cuz people were dying to get in =)

Answer 8

1: Knock knock!

2: Who's there?

1: Interrupting cow

2: Inter-- 1: MOOO!

Answer 9

A penguin is driving his Cadillac through the desert.  Suddenly, the car sputters and comes to a dead stop.  The penguin gets out, opens the hood and starts looking at the motor.   He can't see what's wrong, so he decides to push the car to the next town.  

When he arrives in the town, he pushes the car into the first service station that he comes to.  He explains to the attendant what happened and asks him to look at the car and let him know what's wrong.  He then says that he is very hot from pushing the car through the desert and wants to know where he can get something cool.  The attendant points to the ice cream shop across the street.  

The penguin goes into the ice cream shop and orders a bowl of vanilla ice cream and sets about eating it.  Since his flippers are too short to eat it with a spoon, he just sticks his face in it and laps it up, covering his face in ice cream.  Just about the time he's done, the attendant comes into the shop to report on the condition of the car.  He wipes the grease off his hands, looks at the penguin and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal".

The penguin looks at him and replies, "no, it's just vanilla ice cream!"

Answer 10

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two.  One to feed the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly-colored machine tools.

Answer 11

Womens Rights lololololol

Answer 12

y didn't the skeleton cross the road? cause he didn't have the guts!

Answer 13

so there are these two muffins in the oven

one muffin says to the other man its effing hott in herrr

and the other muffin says

"HOLLY $h17 a talking muffin!!!!!!!!!!"

Answer 14

Has anybody heard about the penguin bj?

this guy went to a hooker and asked what he could get for $10 she said you can get a bj for $20 nothing for 10, so he said come on that's all i have, then she said ok i can give you a penguin bj for 10 he said ok, she said pull down your pants, so he pulled them down to his knees, and handed her the 10 dollars, then she blew on his p***s and took off running...get it he took off running with his pants down to his knees like a penguin

Answer 15

what is the biggest bar room in the world

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/an elephant f@rted