The boyfriend loves his ex...

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. Well we recently broke up, because he said hes "confused". His ex girlfriend "first love", told him she still loved him and all his feelings came rushing back. I know this because he tells me everything. even if it hurts, he tells me. He said he feels guilty for loving her. He tells me theres a difference he loves her, but is in love with me. I mean she lives in a completely different state, and they only seen each other 3 times with in their 2 years of a relationship. but he loves her, which i understand i do. and him and i still talk everyday like everything is perfect again. i love you. i miss you and such and such. its just confusing.... am i doing the right thing? like being by his side no matter what. until he makes his decision... me or her...i mean we can stay up for 6 hours on the phone still, and see each other everyday. and its okay, i just dont understand. he said he needs to clear his head becaues he doesn't want to feel guilty for loving her and being with me... i don't know..

Answer 1

basically I think she is a control freak major personality disorders and unless he gets that in his head and sees her for who she is then you going to have big problems with him and her. maybe you need to move on or hang on the side lines and be his second squeeze? you want to be a play thing or what?  

Answer 2

Way too much drama.  Why do you want a man who cannot make up his mind?  Lose this loser.  He cannot love 2 people at the same time. You say you have been together for 3 years and now there is doubt.  He shouldn't even be thinking about his ex at all...not even a little.

If anything, I would leave him alone so that he can clear his head and make a decision.  Your holding on to him will prolong this process.  He needs to deal with this decision on his own, without outside influences.  He sounds like he doesn't want ot hurt anyone's feelings.  He has build up a rapport with you by conversing for hours.  He may just feel you two are best buds, and you are listening and giving advice.

I would let him know your time is valuable.  Let him have some space, to miss you, to want you and only you.  Right now, he is enjoying all this attention.  

The question is, after all of this said and done, whom will he choose?  If it is not you, you will be definitely devastated.  You invested enough of your time, affection, and concern.  Let him ponder this one on his own.  You deserve much more than this.

Answer 3

WOW - ex girlfriends can really be unbelievable tramps can't they? It's like they are really trying to torture YOU as the new girlfriend. It's time for you to give your boyfriend an ultimatum. I'm sorry but he is being a total wimp and spineless jellyfish. You need to say - hey - I'm giving it 2 weeks or a month - and you need to let her go or we are toast. He needs to put his foot down and make a decision. It really sounds like he still has feelings for her but doesn't want to lose you if it doesn't work out again. Well - it's not fair to let him have his cake and eat it too while you feel like he's toying with your heart. Well, guys are funny - I mean - they never forget when they love somebody even if it was a really short amount of time or whatever. But, if she really did love him - she'd be about a billion miles away from him so that he could start over. Yeah - any one of us women who have dated more than one person could probably think of one or two where we could turn back the clock by giving them a call - and it would ruin the good things in their life right now and knock them senseless, sending them into utter confusion in bringing up the past. Guys tend to mature slower than women emotionally and they usually don't understand their emotions much less how to manage them. Yeah you need to force him one direction or the other and then be strong about sticking with that decision.

Answer 4

shes a ***** !!

Right huni if you love someone let them go it might be hard for you at first but really if they do get back with each other it will not be the some really!! trust me !! don't stay with him ..how could you stay with him i understand you love him but if he tell's you he loves another girl that's crazy sweetie really you can do better and plus his not even thinking on how you feel like when he does say that he loves her it hurts you really bad and if he says he loves you, then why would he want to hurt you just let him go for now and let him get over his ex!! really you don't need to put up with that **** !! it is really hard to let go of some one you love it will hurt so bad but its best for you cause from what i can see here his going to hurt you even more sweetie, i don't know who you are but i feel for you and it might sound stupid cause i don't know you but i don't want you to get hurt love !! just let him go

all the best sweetie xx xx

Answer 5

It sounds like he is confused and sounds like the ex is manipulating and using him.  I doubt if she truly is looking to reunite with him.  More likely she's just enjoying wrecking your life with him.

Having said that, you need to protect yourself.  You've already been with him 3 years.  If after all that time, he still can't get over her, that's a clear sign to me that you shouldn't waste any more time on him until he gets his shinola together and comes back with a clear head.

If I were in your shoes, I would end my relationship with him, and cut off all contact with him.  He needs to figure out what he wants and the best way to do that would be to be on his own, ideally with no contact with either of you.  Therapy could probably help him also.

You deserve to be with someone who is IN LOVE WITH YOU AND ONLY YOU.  If a guy has to play word games to win you over ("theres a difference he loves her, but is in love with me.") there's something wrong.

I know it will be painful to cut ties with him, but it will ultimately help him to make a clear decision (which could be to come back to you) and you'll be both protecting yourself and not wasting any more of your life on someone hung up on someone else.

Answer 6

It will be ok I think. If he is with you it is for A reason. The other girl needs to take A hike and get over it.

Answer 7

if we say get over him, you wont not because you dont want to but because you love him so much.

if you really want this to work out i say be by his side so he could know that you're always there for him no matter how hard the situation.

like my boyfriend told me "theres nothing to big we cant handle" in your situation, shes not going to take him back ur ex will see that they werent meant to be and stay inlove with you,

idk... just be happy either way if you stay or lose himi hope you choose the best for you.

best of luck-jeri

Answer 8

its more like YOU SHOULD GET OVER HIM. if his feelings rush back for another girl, then he just doesn't feel that spark between you guys anymore.

Answer 9

As hard as this may be to swallow, you are being played.  He is doing nothing that you aren't enabling him to do.  He keeps you on the side in case something happens to go wrong with her.

She is playing him, as well.  You should tell him to call you sometime if he ever grows up.  Tell him you are giving him his space to sort his head out, and that you also need to search for your own happiness with someone who is mature and secure about their feelings for you, and that you aren't an airport and he can go to one and store his extra baggage.  Stop answering his calls.

Answer 10

You should tell him that he needs to make a decision. He's in a relationship with YOU.  He should've never broke up with you in the first place. And now he has no right to string you along while he decides which girl he likes best. He's been in a relationship with you for three years. If he's not over this other girl, when will he ever be?  You deserve better. You should move on, whether you're in love or not.

Answer 11

You have to make a decision for him, he appears incapable of making one for himself, how he can have any doubts about where he is best off I don't know, when his ex has told him how she feels, he ought to know that it can't be right to feel that you can love two girls to the extent that you can have them both, you have to shake him into reality, he can't do it himself, sorry I can't tell you how to do it, best of luck with your efforts.

Answer 12

Just smack him upside his head and tell him he has a choice to make. After all, it is not your fault that he needs to clear his head. Those are his feelings and his problem. So, have him make the choice. If you lose him, the only thing that you are really losing is an indecisive boy. I could see if they had a serious relationship and it ended recently but, he is just being stupid. They only saw eachother a few times. What a moron.

Do you have any older brothers? Have them take care of him for you.