The child says he is a vegetarian but his mom says he's not, Should I say something?

Question

We are vegetarians and there's this child in my daughters kindergarten class who says he is a vegetarian but his mom keeps packing him lunch with meat and he never eats it (I don't know about at home but I eat lunch with my child everyday at school and he never eats his meat sandwiches).

Everyday he says to me "My mom did it again" meaning she packed him meat again. He says his father is vegetarian too but he lives in another state. The child says that he tries to tell his mom and grandmom that he's a vegetarian but that they tell him that he's not vegetarian.

I think the child wants me to say something to his mom but I don't think I should cross that line being that I don't know her. I was thinking about sending his mom an anonymous email with infomation about vegetarianism being that she don't know my email address.

I feel so bad for the child. He sees me with my daughter everyday at school bringing her, her fresh cook vegetarian food. What should I do?

Answer 1

Can you mention it to his teacher?

It sounds like he's latched on to the idea of being a vegetarian as a tie to his absent father.  And it also sounds like that's a tie that his mother isn't gung-ho to nurture ... at least not nutritionally.

At the kindergarten age, I think this is the kind of issue where a teacher can bring it up.  It will be much less confrontational if she says, "Billy isn't eating his lunch.  He tells me he's a vegetarian.  It's been going on for a while ..."

Because there's almost no way you can do it without coming across as intrusive.

Answer 2

Well, lets look at the best case scenerio. You tell the mom, the mom feels like an idiot. Mom doesn't want anyone thinking she's unwilling to provide food that her child will eat. She takes JR. to the store to pick out food. He picks out Mac&Cheese, Ramen noodles, cheese and PB&J for school, salad, dressing, and so on....

The mother, uneducated on proper vegetarian diet. Never realises that the child is not absorbing iron because she isn't providing it, and what iron he gets is not enough because of all the calcium. What meat eating child puts beans and peanuts on their menue weekly?

She could make him ill. I would let it go. He's not starving.

Answer 3

It's not child abuse.  There is nothing you can, or should do.

Answer 4

MYOB

Answer 5

You should do nothing.  He is in kindegarten and should eat what his mother makes him - as should all 5 year olds.  It's no different then when my mother made liver.  I didn't want it, but I ate it because that's what was for dinner.  Once this kid is old enough to make informed decisions for himself regarding his diet (say 16), or can afford to make his own meals (say 18), then mom can back off.  Until then, he should eat what he's given.

Answer 6

Not your business. The kid is too young to make any decisions of that magnitude. The kid is in his mothers care and it is her decision as to what he eats or doesn't.

Cool, glad we could help.

Answer 7

"to see is to believe" before you can be able to give your comment.

Answer 8

If your vegatarian child went to a birthday party at this boy's house.  (Bare with me, please) There was BBQ Riblets, cute little smokies in tiny croissant rolls, corn pups, bacon wraped cream cheese bites, or Fried cheese sticks with bacon flavored ranch dressing, or maybe just mini burgers.  Lets say your back was turned & for the four seconds you weren't telling YOUR child what YOU will allow, she tasted some of this food and loved it. If she said "mmm, Mommy try this."  

Should his mother intervine on her behalf with you?  NO she shouldn't and really you both have the right to your opinions.  

Yes, you have literature you could show her but in the end unless you are willing to let your child eat a butterfly shaped chicken nugget you should not be influencing this boy.  Setting a good healthy example is fine but you have an obligation to encourage obediance in this child towards his mother.  Undermining her is rude. You wouldn't want other people to do that to your family which is probably why you watch her diet so closely.

Answer 9

ah, poor kid. It is frustrating not 'being hear' or taken seriously. I would say something directly to the mom... but I would not approach it like that. I would approach her as 'helping her out' but saying something like this, 'Your boy throws his meat out everyday. I have not once seen him eat it. I thought I would let you know just to save you some money.... kids.... *sigh*....*laugh*'. Something like that. I would not get into the whole approaching her parenting, as that would be offensive to most parents.

Also, would this get him in trouble with his mom? Maybe he is venting to you but doesnt' want you to say anything. But if he does, that is what I would say

Answer 10

He feels left out and really should. I am getting the impression that you and your daughter maybe are making him feel a bit inferior and I am not saying you are consciously doing this. So how to correct this, you as an adult should encourage him to eat what his moms making him, it could be for dietary reasons. You have no right to interfere with the food she fixes for him. I am sure you would not want someone doing this to you.

By the way I have been a strict vegetarian for over 30 years, I raised my children to make their own decision on if they wanted meat in their diet, two chose my way of life and one chose the other. I honestly know you have good intentions but it is best to just leave it alone. One thing you could do is invite the mother to come and eat with you three or some type of play day and get to know her. She sounds like a caring loving mother to take the time to make her son a lunch. Good luck.

Answer 11

She maybe doesn't want to understand that he wants to be a vegetarian.  if he wouldn't be seeing you and your daughter eat the vegetarian food he would probably eat what ever they eat.  I prefer a vegetarian meal myself but to get his mother to change will take a something special like maybe a note that he can take home with him that the food is not eaten

Answer 12

"He sees me with my daughter everyday at school bringing her, her fresh cook vegetarian food" - pompous

he is in kindergarten, he eats what his mum tells him to eat

Answer 13

He's 5.  He's not old enough to become a vegetarian on his own, nor to fully understand what that means or entails.

It's none of your business at all.  Do not say anything to the parents.  Do not send an anonymous email.  BTW - they will know it's you.

He probably thinks it's pretty cool that you're vegetarians...it's new and different for him...so, he's trying in his own way to be a bit like you, or fit in with you.

It's absolutely none of your business.  It's their child.  You can choose to raise your child as a vegetarian, but you have no right to impose that on him or his family - just as they would have no right to tell you to eat meat.

Do not feel bad for him...if he was 15, sure, he could fully understand, but he's 5.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  You can also tell him that it's OK if he eats his meat from his lunch, and that you like him just the way he is.  He doesn't have to try to be his version of a vegetarian in order to be your daughter's friend.

Answer 14

Kids this age just love to "copy" their friends.  He may be saying he's a vegetarian because he admires your daughter and wants to be like her.  

At age 5, a child does not get to "choose" whether he is a vegetarian or not.  Parents have the right to select whatever nutrition program they feel is appropriate for their child.   Personally, I think you are crazy for depriving your five-year-old of meat.  But it's just my opinion, and I know you're not abusing her, so it's none of my business.

Answer 15

I think he's just showing off for you and trying to act like he's a vegetarian, when he's not one at all. Just leave it be. Do nothing.

Answer 16

I would not worry about it!  That's not your problem! I would say he's not  and it trying to act like he is at school... He might like you girl and is trying to show off..LOL.. My son does that too.. He is in 1st grade.. Just let it be!

Answer 17

It sounds to me like he's trying to be like Daddy, which could be because he misses him. As for a kindergartner making that declaration, Mom needs to realize kids go through phases, and vegetarian this week could be chowing down on ham sandwiches next week. She needs to take it with a grain of salt and try going along with it for a while. I would just casually mention that he's not eating lunch, and let them work it out.

Answer 18

Perhaps mention that he's not eating his lunch to her and leave it at that.

Answer 19

I'd be concernd that he is not eating his lunch everyday.  You might tell his teacher, so that she can say something.  (nothing about vegetarians! Simply that he is not eating his lunch!!)  Let the mother decide what to do and talk to him. Kids need energy at lunch time.