The first couple of days with a new foster/adoption?

Question

My wife and I are in the process of getting certified for adoption from our DCFS. What we would like to know is how did people go about the first couple of days with a new foster/adopted child. We'd also love to know what kids would like to have happen the first couple of days. I realize that there are a ton of issues but is it best to have a 'sit down' and discuss what is needed/wanted/necessary to be in our house (our as in my wife, me and the new child(ren)). Thanks!

Answer 1

well my mother (also a social worker) and grandmother are foster parents and really it just depends on the child. even those you are a foster parent does not mean that the child will be staying with you for very long, you may just be a place where they stay for a couple of days or weeks, make sure to find that out before you take the child in. Also i would not sit down that night or even the next day and explain the rules, these children have more than likely been moved around to several different homes and need time to adjust, i think mostly what you should do is feel the child out if you think something may be a problem talk to them about it but just as if the child were your own you don't all of the sudden one day sit them down and teach them the rules you show them as time goes on. keep in mind that children have a hard time adjusting to new rules so it WILL be a challenge. the other the child the harder it is. they know their real parents and have probably been moved around so many times that they know what you can and can't do and will test your limits. you don't want to assume that every child that walks into your home is the one you are going to adopt, you may not get along or they may not want you. i think it's best to show them around the house, have a little something special that is just for them and take them out to dinner and a movie or something fun like that.  just give them plenty of time to adjust. good luck and congrats!!

Answer 2

I have never adopted, but first of all I just wanted to say that you guys should be commended.

Second, i think depending on the ages of the children it would be best to sit with them and at least go over the rules and what's expected of them (chores, bedtime, curfew, etc.)

Hope that helps...Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, it depends on the age of the child.  We have had anywhere from newborn to 4 years old.  With the newborn we just went on with life as if he was ours from the beginning.  Never thought any differently (there is a good chance-even from the beginning-that we will be able to adopt him).  Though with 2 year olds, we dedicate the first day or two to playing alot, estabolishing a schedule of sorts, and letting them see that we care for them.  With 4 year olds, we do sit them down before bed the first night, and let them know some of the things that we expect from them.  I do believe it is important to talk with the children (if age allows) and talk of expectations, but especially let them know that you care for them and love them and will be there for them.

Answer 4

You will learn a lot on the training classes.

We're adoptive parents as well as foster parents (and have bio kids, too).

The first couple of days with our daughters (adopted internationally) were dictated largely by Colombia.  We were running around to appointments and such.  it was nuts.  We just spent lots of time together, though, and got to know each other.

When we've had foster kids with us, we've opened lines of communication with them and let them know they can talk to us about whatever, whenever.  We give them their space if they seem to need it & are there for them when they need to talk or just be with someone (more of a gut feeling than anything else).

Usually with foster kids, they're taken to your home or you pick them up from the office.  No smooth easy transition.  Just, boom, they're there.  We've had great experiences, though.

Friends of ours adopted from foster care & that was smoother and slower.  They met the children, then they had several meetings with them, then they do an overnight visit & then if all is going well, they come to stay.  There's good contact with social workers during this time so you can give feedback about whether or not it's working.

Get a good support network of folks who know foster and adoption to talk to and talk about issues with.  Read as much as you can on foster care and adoption, loss, grief, attachment, etc.  Stay on your knees in prayer!

SG

Answer 5

My family had recently adopted a girl from Russia. The best thing to do is to just let them get used to their new home. Show them the daily routine to help them feel comfortable faster. If you try to flash fancy activities at them that you and your wife usually would not due may confuse the child of what life is actually like living in your house. Also with showing them your daily routine, include them. If you start including them right away the child will feel connected with you and your wife. The most important thing is to give them lots of attention but to not smother them. Do not feel offended if the child wants some alone time to play, its natural for them to have some down time. But some good activities are Board games, walks, and parks. I hope this has helped, if you have any other questions just email.

Answer 6

In some states some classes are required for certified. The ones we took were great as they had guest speakers who were foster children themselves and relayed their thoughts on this. Also, most libraries have some good books on this subject. I read one that just had all stories from many different foster kids with their opinions of what they liked or didn't like in foster care.

Answer 7

my suggestion is to give them a few days of "settling in" time...then bring them together to discuss responsibilities.  Your children will also deserve an "allowance" but only if they do their chores.  This is an amazing feeling for foster children because it is usually the first time they have not only had money of their own to spend, any way they want, but also because they earned it.  Ask them if they are comfortable in their surroundings (like if their room is "ok"...they may want to change things, and then you can bring in the earning money thing for such luxeries).  Also let them know their room is indeed "theirs"...many of these kids enjoy ownership of something other than themselves.  Let them know that respect and love start at 100% in your house and can go as high as infinity.  Earning more respect and compliments will be so good for them...praise your new children when they have earned it...children are what they live.  I wish you all the luck in the world...I live in a family full of foster/adopted children...and at first it is an adjustment, but in next to no time you won't even remember life before they came.

Answer 8

Congratulations on letting these children into your home!!!

What you need varies, of course, by age.  You will hopefully learn a bunch during training.  But the early days are most influenced by where they are coming from (another foster home, shelter care, hospital, bio's, grandmom's, another county, etc.)

If they are coming straight from their bio home, you may need to take them to a doctor within the first 48 hours.  They might not have any clothes or diapers with them, in which case a trip to Target is necessary.  Or you might need to wash all of the clothes, baby bottles, etc.  You might also need to get prescriptions filled.  If there has been abuse, you should have photographs taken by the hospital/social worker/doctor.

If the court has decided the child is not going home, you will need to take care of school enrollment.   If they have special needs, you need to contact their therapists or get them evaluated.

There might be a mandatory visit with their relatives during that first week, too.  You will need to prepare them for that and be prepared for the emotional roller-coaster that follows.

Some toys (electronics) or movies geared to your preferred age group would be nice to have on hand so they can get comfortable at your house.  Many of these children have never had vegetables or fresh fruit and a well-balanced family meal is unheard of.  So be prepared to ease them into new dining habits.  Some chips, nuts, cereal bars, "Easy Mac", canned fruit cocktail, Gatorade, Eggo Waffles are good to have on hand.  They will not be impressed by homemade culinary delights.

A tight sealed Rubbermaid box is good to have, as well.  Many of the children hoarde food in their bedrooms.  If this behavior surfaces, let them know it's okay, but it's gotto go in the box.  That is your box to keep no matter what.

Compile a Phone List as you proceed through your training:

a list of doctors & dentists who accept medicaid;

Early Intervention (age 0-3) or the

Public School System (ages 3+) for developmental delays/therapies;

School registrar

Agency's Social Workers

Medicaid Coordinators

Visitation Coordinators

It is very easy if they are coming from another quality foster home.  But that doesn't happen very often :-(

This is all the background stuff that goes on.  Most important is to make the child feel as though there is no inconvenience and you are happy he is there. . . .The first few days are usually a "honeymoon" period.  Rules and routines can be slowly introduced during that time, with most of the emphasis on helping them adjust to their new situation.

Good luck on your adventure.