The funniest joke i have ever heard !?

Question

The funniest joke i have ever heard !?

Answer 1

Here's one for you...

A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel. Realizing

he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting,

he called the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber

on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically,

"but down the hall from your room is a vending

machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the

machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into

the opening, at which time the machine started to

buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman

pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection,

which showed the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign

that read, 'Manicures, $20.00.'

"Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money,

inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine

started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he

pulled out his hands and they were perfectly

manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This

Machine Provides a Service Men Need When

Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents

in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some

anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out

a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen

seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to

withdraw his tender unit...Which now had a

button sewn on the end.

Answer 2

mother:my son is a genius! he can solve mathemathical problems without a calculator.

neighbor:really?

mother:you don't believe me? son, 2334556+6778899+45566578989+1358878, what is the sum?

son:the sun is the center of the universe it give light to the earth.

(you might not find it funny because its in tagalog i just translated it)

Answer 3

loll you tell me (:

Answer 4

i man went to buy tickets at a cricket (a game )counter and there was a huge crowd he went and stood at the end of the line when he got to the counter he heard a voice call out hey zack .he immedietly turned around and looked around and nobody was there he lost his place at the counter .again he went to the back of the line when he got to the counter he heard a voice call out hey zack .he immedietly turned around and looked around and nobody was there he lost his place at the counter this happened atleast 10 imes and by the ime he got in half the game was over and there was a break. he when to buy some snacks and again there was a huge crowd.when he got to the counter he heard a voice call out hey zack .he immedietly turned around and looked around and nobody was there he lost his place at the counter .this happened another 5 times and by the time he went back to the game he had lost a half of the second innings ..he felt hungry again and went back to get some food and there was a huge crowd.when he got to the counter he heard a voice call out hey zack .he immedietly turned around and looked around and nobody was there he lost his place at the counter .this happened another 5 times the next time he got ther and somebody screamed hay zack he turned around and screamed my name is jack not zack.

i hv another one its math(the operations i perform are not applicable to real life)]

if tanx = n

pt

tax =horse

tanx = n

since n is common

tax = 1

multiply both sides by horse and there u go

tax = horse

Answer 5

Once upon a time (1830), there was a country called Belgium. After a long while until now, there were many failures and a******s as prime ministers and politicians. But before, the country started to divide into a French-speaking part (Wallonia), and a Dutch-speaking part (Flanders). So the politicians of both parts started to make fights about financial support to the poor frenchies. And the dutchies were still rich and wealthy.

Nowadays, the Dutch-speaking part of Belgium wants to divide the country definitely in two separated countries (Flanders and Wallonia).

But the frenchies don't want that, because their finances will collapse like a card house.

Lucky me, I live in the Flemish part. Unfortunately, the Wallons won't be so happy.

Hahahahahahaha...... Ugh, actually this isn't a joke, it's reality... Big deal, I'm Flemish!!

Hahahahahaha!!