The funniest joke of all time!

Question

I'm creating a poll, to see what is the funniest joke off all time.

any jokes you love please say!

Answer 1

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"

Answer 2

   The mother -in -law

The husband arrives home from the hospital where he was visiting his wife´s mother.

His wife asks him:"How is my mother?

The husband replied:

- "Your mother is fine. Healthy as a horse and she´s going to live a long time. This week they are going to release her from the hospital and she will be living with us forever."

The wife, surprised, questioned him: "How can it be? Yesterday she was unconscious and the medical team said that she only had a few days before dying!?"

And the husband replied: "I do not know how she was yesterday but today when I asked the doctor about your mother, he answered me that I should prepare myself for the worst..."

Answer 3

Think up something new       2 points for me

Answer 4

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are.

The first mouse slams down a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it's closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut 'em up, and snort 'em just for the fun of it." And with that he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away.

The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the h**l are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to f.u.c.k the cat."

Answer 5

Why Bill Gates decided to sell Microsoft

Letter from Sardar Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft:

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,

which I want to bring to your notice:

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Bhatinda!

So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system?

I find only 're-cycle', but I own a Vespa scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the

door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was

unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft

sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon

which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a

single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the

PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My

Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife Bebbo to know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

  

Answer 6

Man on Phone to Boss; Sorry Boss I cant come in today I am sick!

Boss: Thats really not good enough, you know how busy we are at the moment, how sick are you?

Man on Phone to Boss: Well I am in bed with my sister, is that sick enough for you?

Answer 7

knock knock

who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

no need to cry, it's only a joke..

HAAAW HA

Answer 8

A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.