The funniest jokes you have ever heard!

Question

PEOPLE, tell me the funniest jokes you have ever heard!!!!!

Answer 1

A lawyer and a Pope are at the Pearly Gates about to enter Heaven.  St. Peter gets one of his ambassadors to show the two around.

He takes them to an immense palace, filled with every imaginable luxury.  Chocolate fountains, silk sheets, home theater, velvet wallpaper - everything over the top luxurious.  With a flourish, he announces that this will be the lawyer's dwelling.  They move on and come to an average home made up into apartments.  Each cell is sparsely furnished, providing the basics of what is needed.  Everything is in good condition and certainly comfortable, just not more than one might need.  The ambassador tells the Pope that this will be his heavenly abode.  The Pope is clearly upset about these circumstances and asks how this can be. Says the ambassador, "We have plenty of Popes here in Heaven.  But this is our very first lawyer!"

Answer 2

Multitasking  





Question raised in a gender linked philosophy class

"If women are so good at multitasking, how come they cannot have a

headache and s*x at the same time?"

Answer 3

Bit long winded, but worth it. :-)

A husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you

remember the first time we had s*x together over fifty years ago? We

went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and

I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can

do it for old time's sake?'   'Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds

like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and,

having a chuckle to himself, he

Thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having s*x

against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So

he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for

support aided by walking sticks.

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the

fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they

erupt into the most furious s*x that the policeman has ever seen. This

goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and

moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the

ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life

and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old

couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly

amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was

something else. You must've had a fantastic s*x life together. Is there

some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that

wasn't an electric fence.'