Walter Smith's Guide to Football
Rule Number 1
Goals do not win you games, buying players who run around like headless chickens - that wins you games!
Rule Number 2
Play your players out of position to get the best out of them.
Rule Number 3
When you require a goal, make sure you play one man up front - who doesn't score goals.
Rule Number 4
Do not be tempted to play a former player of the year in his preferred holding role, put him on the bench and play a central defender in that role.
Rule Number 5
Ensure you give your most prolific goalscorer 120 seconds worth of football. Then ask your defenders to launch the ball over his head.
Rule Number 6
Spend £3.5 Million on a player, but only play him for 60 seconds.
Rule number 7
When playing at home in Europe, dont try and win the game, just try and not concede.
Rule Number 8
Ball must be in the air as often as possible, at no point try and play football on the deck
Rule Number 9
Systems which utilize 5 midfielders require having 4 midfielders in the squad. Spend £2.7m in total
Systems which utilize 1 striker require having 8 strikers in the squad. Spend £13m in total
Rule Number 10
Centre Backs are like gold dust you can never have too many in your team at once.
Rule number 11.
Players who havent either made it to the UK leagues or played against Rangers simply arent good enough and there is absolutely no point in sending a scout to watch them play or sending club officials to open negotiations.
Rule 12
Never ever buy a player unless a google search matches either the words 'utility' or 'dig' with him. If both are matched, immediately offer at least £2.5 million for him.
Rule 13.
All corners and free kicks must hit at least one defensive player immediately after they have been struck.
Rule 14
This same rule applies for crosses.
Rule 15
Wingers and full backs are not important. Anyone from centre halfs to strikers can play in these positions.
Rule 16
If you sign an aging player as emergency cover for one of your talented holding midfielders, that player should be given an extension to his contract on it's expiry even though he is not required must keep your highly rated player out of the team.
Rule 17
Always treat the opposition with the same respect. Whether playing Barcelona at the Nou Camp or a third rate, part-time, pub team from Lithuania at Ibrox, play the same very defensive formation - 4 centre halfs in defence, another 1 as holding midfield, 4 other defensive midfielders and a **** striker
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