The **** just keeps on coming..........

Question

For the last month, things have been going from bad to worse. People are getting injured or ill left and right as well as people dieing from said issues. These are all people I know, and I have no reason to lie to you. My Gf may or may not be pregnant with my child, and now she is talking about 'were we stand in our relationship'. It is really getting me depressed. Before you ask, she is in love with me and I with her, and we were fine with the idea of pregnancy and marriage. Well, we would have preferred the former AFTER the later and when we can afford it. I feel like **** because my Gf is all I want. I want to spend every waking moment with her, forever. But no. Her parents are not letting her. Her parents actually like me, but are using me to get to her. So we only see each other about ounce a week. If that. I know some of you are thinking thats not that bad, well, it is for us. She hates her parents and wants to run away or move out. Also suicide comes into play because of the same reason. I was able to convince her not to do anything for a whial. Now tho I am unsure. I also dug up evidence showing that by her falling in love with me, I crushed two other people who are not moving on either. They are both being quite kind. They care about us both, even if it meens there misery. It ends up making me feel like an *** hole. I dont know how good of a bf I am, tho she insist that I am. I really dont know what is wrong. She mentioned that she didnt know how she loved me, and all that did was confuse me. We have sacrificed so much for this relationship to work, and she is willing to throw it all away. To make matters worse, she is at band camp for a week and we have little to no time to talk. Even less given that she needs to barrow a friends phone. I hate my life. I cant stand this c**p anymore. I am an agnostic, so anyone who responds PLEASE dont drag religion into it. Please any one who can offer me advice, I need some help. Before you ask, I have been told I have a very low self confidence, my biggest concern is with my Gf, I am depressed, and my Gfs reaction could be a side effect of medical withdraw. She has ADD medications and has stopped taking them out of fear of harming the child. Please help me.

Answer 1

Your girlfriend is going through a lot.  She doesn't know if she is pregnant, she's skipping medication, and she is not getting along with her parents at all.    If you're telling her all this, about how you want to spend the rest of your life with her and you love with all your heart, that's probably adding to her stress because it's that much more to deal with.  She knows you love her, but try and show it by being there for her to help her get through HER tough times.    

I know you're going through a tough time yourself, but if you love your girlfriend as much as you say you do, try and be there for her, because she seems to be needing the most help right now.  

You say she's fighting with her parents, but her parents like you.  That's not bad, use that to your advantage and try to get them to the point where they aren't fighting with each other.  Try and help her feel at home so she doesn't want to run away.  Because, ultimately, if she is pregnant, she is definitely going to want and need her parents around if she's having a baby.  Having family is huge in situations like these.

You say she's had thoughts of suicide.  Continue to help her with that since there's so much on her mind.

Regarding the evidence where people are suffering by you two being together.  I wouldn't show her and remind her about that stuff because that will only make her feel worse.   She doesn't want to feel like a ***** for making people suffer.  She shouldn't have to, and you shouldn't feel like an *** either for these people are not moving on.  That's their own problem they need to deal with.  If they liked you, and still do, despite the fact that they know you don't like them, then there's nothing else you can do.  It's all them, now.   You haven't done anything wrong.

Band camp is probably a good thing for her, so she can clear her mind.  Try not to bother her that much, and then you can talk to her when she gets back

My advice to you is that you seem to have the stronger head on your shoulders right now, so try not to focus on everything that's going on all at once, and be there to help your girlfriend.  I'm sorry about all the illnesses and deaths you've experienced.  That must be really hard to go through, but I think if you can just hang in there to help your girlfriend get through all her messes, it will bring you two even closer together, which will ultimately make you happy in the end.  

Since you can only see your girlfriend once a week, try hanging out with some friends you may drifted from a bit.  This will get you out of the house and prevent you from drowning in all these depressing thoguhts.  

Good luck with everything man.  Hang in there.

- Mike