The major newspaper headlines for tomorrow will be about you. What would you want them to say?

Question

The major newspaper headlines for tomorrow will be about you. What would you want them to say?

Answer 1

Has more than 9 lives!

Answer 2

"World's Greatest Person Found!"

yeah, that's what it should say. I'm nothing if not modest.

Answer 3

Giant Moose Falls From Sky, Destroys Local Man's Home. "Glad I was out shopping for Diet 7-Up.", Says Lucky (insured) Homeowner."

Answer 4

Reality wins the Nobel Prize for Literature -- and Physics!

Local Man Finds Million Dollar Lottery Ticket in Dollar Store Parking Lot.

Struggling junior college professor caught in motel room with cheerleading team (subhead: Town to hold a parade in his honor)

Answer 5

Lisa b finds a cure for cancer AND discovers how to have a carefree, happy marriage AND get children to behave 100% of the time!!!!!