The majority of my family is dirt poor and all family holidays and get togethers fall in the lap of the ones

Question

that choose to work, save for a rainy and spend their money wisely. I know it could all be gone over night but there is some resentment building up. For instance, we live almost two hours away but spend our gas money and buy food to fix when we get there so we can stay connected to the family. We try to go every two weeks. Our family has visited our new house two times in the last three years. Am I wrong to be aggravated?

Before you answer, they always manage to have killer gifts, easter baskets, outfits, go out to eat all of the time and work when they want to because they like being their own boss. When they are asked to bring paper plates, napkins or a 2 liter of pop, they always say they don't have any money. Even the nieces and nephews are like that....

Answer 1

Sounds like they are frugal when they know you will take care of it for them.  Go over once a month instead of every 2 weeks.  That will save you in gas.  Feel free to bring one dish to join with theirs, but there is no need for you to cook the whole meal, or bring everything needed for it.

Invite them over once a month, basially switching off months.  If they refuse to take part in your lives by making an effort, maybe you should make an effort with other family members or friends who will appreciate you.

Answer 2

Do what you can do..but remember that your family comes first..

Answer 3

Not sure how many siblings you have... but let them know that this year everyone is taking a holiday.  You will take Thanksgiving, your sister/brother is taking Christmas.. etc...  Then decide ahead of time if the host will incur all expenses OR it will be shared each time.  Map it out ahead of time... be honest.  It took me years to finally do this with my lazy brothers!  So glad I finally did it!

Answer 4

Ask yourself why you continue to let yourself be put in this position. Doesnt your own little immediate family deserve better even if you yourself choose to be a m*******t? I think a change is in order. I think you need gradually stay away, be busy if asked and take care of your own family. You will need the money later on and it is wrong to be penalized because you are financially solvent. You owe it toyour husband and children. Wouldnt it be nice to treat them to a really nice restaurant out on the next upcoming holidays so you dont have to drive 2 hours? At a dinner where you could talk and relax instead of hustling to buy all the food and pack it? or even just stay home in peace. I wonder what keeps you doing the ritual you write of.

Answer 5

Send them the money for gas and tell them the family is meeting at your house. It won't cost you any more, and it will be far easier on you. and I think once a month is sufficient.

You have a good heart - just don't push it so far that you let them take too much advantage of you.

Answer 6

First, cut back on your visit times.  You don't need to go back home every 2 weeks.  Go every 3rd or 4th month if you want to go and in the interim telephone.

When on the phone don't allow the conversation to be about money or the lack thereof, instead, talk about the weeks accomplishments, local news etc . . .

unfortunately, there are people out there, family and non family a like who will old their hand out instead of doing for themselves.  

I think it is wonderful of you to want to keep the family close but you shouldn't do it at the expense of your wallet and/or your soul.  

Good luck.