The many faces of “Ijaz Butt”
My English literature teacher used to say, “It takes all kinds to make a world.” My random ramblings revolved around the eccentricities of the people I socialized with. According to myself I was a social outcaste since I always sat in an isolated corner,
reading the odd Russian author and observing people. For the last one year I have been observing certain egos and how these egos have single-handedly contributed to annihilation. When looked up in the dictionary, annihilation refers to total destruction or
complete obliteration of a product having its roots in the Latin ‘Nihil’ (Nothing). A literal translation of the word would thus mean, ‘to make into nothing.’
Ijaz Butt
When looked up in the dictionary a literal translation of the word http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Ijaz-Butt-c64128 means a creature that is able to survive in nothingness. It refers to a certain being that can live in vacuum, the black hole and even the Pakistan Cricket Board. Historical references
to this bug have revealed that it swallows matter in big gulps and produces vacuum as excrement. Coincidentally, Ijaz Butt is also the name of the chairman of the http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Pakistan-c755 Cricket Board. I have not had the pleasure or the opportunity to discuss the historical
references to this parasite with Mr Ijaz Butt but I am sure that there is no connection between the two.
Only joking. Maybe not.
Ijaz Butt
Upon greater research it was discovered that Ijaz Butt also refers to a state of limbo. The human body manages to function in the absence of the most vital organ the brain. Some say, it is only a myth. Others refute that argument and point towards Mr Ijaz
Butt who has survived that state of mind for well over 70 years now.
Ijaz Butt
According to doctors and physicians, intestinal discomfort due to over eating is also referred to as the Ijaz Butt syndrome. They have advised that the personal invention of Mr Ijaz Butt, the Ijaz ‘Butt’ plug is helpful in coping with the syndrome. Negative
side effects of using the Ijaz ‘Butt’ plug include constipation, heart burn, nausea and hallucinations, where people tend to overhear hushed conversation in bookie circles about England fixing their matches.
Ijaz Butt
When studying the evolution of languages and modern linguistics I found out that modern language has evolved around the word Ijaz Butt. According to one such definition, it is the act of leaving cricketers on crossroads to be attacked by highly trained terrorists.
It is also the act of making one’s own decisions to overrule them and contradict them again. According to the Merium Webster dictionary of inanities, Ijaz Butt refers to an utter state of confusion, chaos and anarchy. It is also a coincidence that the name
of the chairman of the PCB is Ijaz Butt. However, no attempt is being made to draw any similarities to the honourable chairman. Any such claims are false and stupid.
Ijaz Butt
Ijaz Butt also refers to a special breed of cockroaches found in the subcontinent. It can live off the glue of a postage stamp. It can go without oxygen for as long as 45 minutes, it can survive almost half an hour under water. It can also stay alive for
a month without any food. Even in the case of nuclear fallout, the Ijaz Butt cockroach will survive. In fact it is so resilient that it has managed to survive being the chairman of the PCB even in the face of failure. He has systematically annihilated whatever
little was left of Pakistan cricket. He has left a vacuum, his excrement for cricket fans in Pakistan to sulk on.
(This article is a work of fiction. The writer is inspired by Mary Poppins and feels that news of Natalie Portman's pregnancy is a sign of the end of the world.)
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