The most tactful way to back out of being a bridesmaid?

Question

...Please help me lol. Especially if you have been a bride/groom or a bridesmaid. I know this is long but bear with me lol.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid about one month ago by my uncle’s fiancée. I don’t really know her well she was at a few family functions and at my grandfather’s house several times I’m saying that to say we weren’t close or friends before she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Actually I’m quite sure she only asked to because I am her fiancée’s niece, which was ok with me. Long story short I said “Yes” (I was asked over the phone) and I had no problem with being in the wedding but now I see her true colors and she is an arrogant, bossy person. First of all, their engagement was like this top secret affair my uncle hardly wanted to tell people they were engaged. second of all, they had an engagement party before I was asked to be in the wedding to which they only invited THEIR friends.

Answer 1

OKay...I just got married 3 months ago, so I have the brides point of view.  Some things she does may seem crazy to you, but it sounds like she has everything planned out the way she wants it, and really and truly it is the bridesmaids responsibility to help the bride.  Consider it awesome that she has everything planned out for who to do what, and I'm sure ya'll could change responsibilites among yourselves if you can't do one of the things she's asked of you.   The reason I'm saying be glad that she's done that, is because sometimes 1 or 2 of the bridesmaides are the only ones who do stuff, and she's making it evenly spread among everyone.  She is probably really stressed out and is counting on ya'll to help her!  I can still see though how this may be frustrating, but try to be good to her, because you'll get married one day and want/need help from your girls!  & Do it for your uncle!!  :)

Answer 2

well if you want to be honest tell her how you really feel and see what she says. if not, then say that yu cant afford it, you had previous plans you foregot about, or your not ok standing in front of everyone at the church (stage fright)

Answer 3

Oh no ..... I have to go out of town... shoot and I really wanted to be in the wedding too.  

Im sure you guys will be fine without me.

The trip is unavoidable.... it is for school/work/whatever.

Answer 4

I've given it a lot of thought and I'm sorry but I can't be your bridesmaid. I wish you the best, but my resources are limited. I hope you understand.

Answer 5

I would just say Look that is just way too much money and she will need to find someone else. Heh so what if she gets her feelings hurt. That is just crazy to spend that much. I have never heard of it costing that much to be a Bridemaid. Is there Gold on the dress or what?

Answer 6

I say be honest with her. I say reward her arrogance with honesty. I personally think that she knows very well that your expenses will not be $800-1000. I think she was being sarcastic and like you I think that's a bit over the  top. If cost were that much, you wouldn't be the only person backing out. I am a bride to be an I try to treat my bridesmaid the way I would want to be treated. If you are not happy about being in the wedding and she has to be reminded to include you in pre-wedding parties, you should just tell her that and put your money towards more important things.

Answer 7

Wow sounds like a bride from h**l!

Heres some ideas...

Tell her that you can't afford it

Tell her that you don't feel comfortable taking on such a big role at the wedding

Break your leg or something

Make up some sudden plans to go out of town

Just tell her your feelings straight forward, she sounds like the type of person to take it personally and then uninvite you (which would be tactful on your part but it may not seem like it to a third party)

Good luck with that one hun

Answer 8

I don't think there's a tactful way to back out after saying yes. But, if you feel you just will not be able to deal with the woman, say something like this, "I know I agreed to be a bridesmaid, but I didn't realize how much time and work would be needed. I honestly can't do everything that you're asking. I don't want to be the reason why something isn't going right because I can't do it, so that's why I need to tell you now that, unfortunately, I can't be in the wedding."

If this woman is as arrogant and demanding as you say, she's going to have a fit no matter what (either over something to do with the wedding or with you backing out), so I would just take the bit of abuse you'll get when telling her you can't be a bridesmaid. It's either get a little chewing out one time or get chewed out until the wedding.

Answer 9

Sorry, I can't fully commit to this wedding, and I can't afford the continuous increase in money I will have to spend.

Answer 10

"Unfortunately I'm going to have to back out as a bridesmaid, but certainly am excited about your wedding and can't wait to attend."

I'd send it in a note card, addressed to the bride at her residence. I wouldn't even bother to make a phone call. It's not worth the aggravation.

Answer 11

If she is this stressed now (and it's still a year to go?), watch out!  I'm sorry, but I think she is taking the bride bit a little too far.  I realize it's her day, but come on.  And not  inviting you to the parties is rude.

I say just gracefully bow out and tell her that you wanted to let her know asap so she could find a replacement.

Answer 12

Since she is marrying your Uncle. You can kiss an inheritance

"good-bye." So let her know, the answer is "NO."

If you didn't get invited to the engagement party That's an

"insult." You got asked, because, someone else had backed

out, before you.

When a member in my family don't invite me to the Bachelor

Party. I don't go to the Wedding.

Answer 13

I would tell her she is a *****, but sense we are trying to be nice, tell her you really thought you could do it but you really can not afford the items that is needed for the wedding, and that you sort of have your hands full with something else(this is the part you make up), if she still is being pushy about it, then be honest just tell her you do not want to do it and that is all there is to it.