The not-so-rosy adoption realities: do you find it difficult to talk about the deeper issues IRL...?

Question

because people are not receptive?

I know this is often difficult with people who do not have a connection to adoption and believe that it is one-dimensional.

However, I am talking about people are "in it", meaning other adoptees, adoptive parents, first parents and PAPs.

I find I can really only talk about certain issues online as IRL NO ONE wants to hear it and I get the "let's talk about happer things, or why do you want to be negative?"

I am a VERY optimistic, hopeful and happy person, so it shocked me that anyone, particularly someone who knows me, would ever confuse me for a negative person. My personality is just that I like to see all sides, even if it's uncomfortable and even if I disagree.

Anyone else?

And to be clear, while I believe there are serious issues regarding adoption, I also celebrate every moment of being a mom and being with my children is a sheer joy.

I also just happen to realize that adoption is not a one-trick pony.

Answer 1

Hmmm... I guess it depends. People in my support group were amazingly receptive and aware of some of the issues I have had. I find that when I get negative feedback, its from people who haven't themselves experienced any part of adoption and they're kind of just regurgitating what they've heard about it in general. I try to watch who I talk to because at the beginning, I was very vocal to just about everyone and I spent more time arguing then I did educating.

Answer 2

what the h**l are you talking about??

Answer 3

Some issues are too painful to listen to or even talk about for some because deep down inside they know if they get to the truth it won't be pretty.

Reality sucks and some people just want to ignore it, so they can sleep better.

Look at the issue in China and a gymnasts age. The world wants to know the truth but if it were about adoption and the human rights violations against families many of those same people would right it off as someone elses problem and not wish to talk about.

I can only imagine how many mothers and fathers are in those labor camps for simply trying to find their kidnapped children "adopted" by foreigners.

God bless those a-children that discover it when searching for their nmoms.  I would suggest anyone that adopted from there to get familiar with Argentina's politics and see how they have handled those kinds of cases.

Answer 4

I know what you mean. I don't talk about adoption IRL at all anymore. I'm quickly losing my ability to talk about it online as well after being called a liar countless times

Answer 5

Beautifully said.  It happens on-line too.  Those who realize that adoption is not a one-trick pony are labeled as "angry", "bitter", and are told to "go get therapy".

A friend who knows how I feel about the baby scoop era begged me to go to see the movie "Juno" so I could "see the wonderful, funny side of adoption".  After saying no thank you several times, I finally said "Why would I want to go see a movie about adoption that was written by an ex-stripper who has never had a child let alone given one up for adoption?  Maybe SHE thinks adoption is funny - I do not.  Please never ask me again."  She still doesn't get it.  Sigh.  She is still my friend tho' - a lovely woman who may get it some day.

Answer 6

"let's talk about happer things, or why do you want to be negative?"

It's TOO close.  Why examine it--it might make us uncomfortable!  Never mind those of us who have had to LIVE with the discomfort for our entire lives...

My DH calls this "get off my cloud" syndrome.