The start of my poem, comments? Critiques?

Question

Sitting on her rooftop

With all the pouring rain

Time has seemed to stop

But she will still remain

Sitting on her rooftop

The world spinning around

The rain will never stop

It pours to the ground

Sitting on her rooftop

Singing softly to the beat

The music will never stop

It will continue to repeat

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that is the start of my poem. what do you think? is it good? bad? its about me, and a real situation.

do you like it so far, or should i start over?

Answer 1

Keep it going, until you feel comfortable with it. Then go back and take things out and put thinkgs in, it sounds like a good poem so far, just stick with it and im sure it will be good. allow the art to come to you, don't force words into the peoms.

Answer 2

Nothing says you have to make this poem happy - I prefer moody, dark poems - but this poem has a sad feel to it, for me.  If it's supposed to be happy, I'd lighten the tone or the imagery.

Answer 3

I like your rhythm very much and the storyline is captivating as well.  Keep it going.  Very nice.

Answer 4

I like it so far...as long as it's going to be a happy poem.  Right now, it could go either way, but it seems pretty good.  Throughout the whole poem, the rhythm seemed a little choppy, but it was there.  It's a good start, but you'll probably want to work on editing it later.

Answer 5

its sounds awesome i wanna read the rest