The theory is that adoptees become sons and daughters. But do adopters allow an emotional distance?

Question

http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200803/200803270009.html

http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200712/200712170021.html

These are both from a Korea-based English language newspaper: same paper, same day.

It's a sad situation, but does it say something about the emotional commitment that adoptive families really allow themselves to make? I would say, just me, that there's a choice to love that natural parents don't have. That choice can change only too easily.

Answer 1

The article suggests that the father slayed the children who he adopted because of embezzlement.  I can't help but wonder if he had to turn to crime to raise the funds to buy the children on the international adoption market.

My heart weeps for the "unmarried" mothers.  Just loved it that the author of the article had to make a point that they were unmarried (therefore undeserving).  I am so sure that the "unmarried" mothers are so grateful that their beloved babies were adopted by this selfish monster.  Aint adoption just wunnerful!?

ETA:  Just read that the father who killed his entire family was addicted to cocaine, admitting that he had spent over $200K on coke.  That would explain emotional distance.  Aren't agencies supposed to screen for that?  How did he get those kids?

ETA2:  Sorry - he initially said that he took the money for cocaine but later recanted.  Looks as though he was just a greedy spoiled guy from a rich family.  I feel so sorry for the grandparents.

Answer 2

these 2 stories sicken me. However, we have to be very careful that we do not speak out of turn- nothing here says that they killed their children because they were adopted, or because the parent was not emotionally connected to their adopted child.  How many times do we hear horror stories about bio parents killing their children? MANY- I am adopted and have 2 adopted kids, as some of you know- and I can tell you- I would die for my children-.  I have another problem with both of those articles. Since the killing of the children had nothing to do with adoption, why did they even feel the need to put that in there- and include the adoption agency? It is not the fault of the agencies that the father in one family and the mother in another chose to do this horrific crime. And another thing that upsets me is the fact that the person writing the article put down the birth mom-  there is no greater sacrifice for a woman who knows that she cannot raise her baby to still carry to term and place (NOT GIVE UP) a baby for adoption. It is almost like the writer is blaming the birth mom.

Answer 3

Okay - from a person who was formerly abused by her b-parents, I would just like to say that ANYONE can abuse a child, b-parent or adoptive.  These stories are TRAGIC regardless of how the people became parents.  

I think my b-parents' emotional commitment allowed them to choose to abuse me.  It was my a-parents' emotional commitment that allowed them to SAVE me.

Answer 4

What these people did is inexcusable.  

With regards to the emotional commitment of APs, I can only speak from my own experience.  And what I can tell you is this...I would die for my son.  He is my life and I would do anything for him.

Answer 5

Your question is somewhat a little unclear.  Emotional distance as to what?  

A choice to love that natural parents don't have.  I am the natural parent to my daughters.  I love my daughters passionately.  

I think Adore Him has it right.  What happened was horrible.  To me the adoptive father was very selfish in this story. Korea still looks down upon women who have children out of wedlock.  Its not a matter whether or not a woman loves her child.  Most do in fact love their children whether or not they place.  Those children deserved better than what they got.  

I think the point that is missed is how this could happen.  Also in the news were two other sets of adoptive parents who abused their Russian children.  Yes natural parents do abuse their children.  In adoption however, adoptive parents must be held to a higher standard.  Children are not objects to be bought and sold for the descretion of the adults and their needs.  I am not saying the adoptive parents here do this.  The adoptive father in this story however did.  

My question to all is when will we as a society place children in the same regard as adults.   When are we as a society going to give the humane treatment that they deserve?

Answer 6

I can find 100 stories that are the same, except that a parent killed his/her own children who had his/her own DNA.  These story says nothing about the commitment of adoptive parents.  You can't generalize from a couple of bad, evil people to all the many people who adopt and make loving homes.  If you don't believe me, look up the story of the man who just got jail time for microwaving his own baby.

If you want to make any meaning of it, you can say that some people kill children, that's about it.

Answer 7

Two points, one that abuse and horrendous events such as this can happen in any type of family.  

But to your question, I think for me, people can create emotional distance from their children as well.  I as a former foster parent, saw many bio parents do horrible things to their children.  I also grew up with bio parents who one of them was incapable of love.  

So I don't think we can assume all bio parent inherantly love their children, and that we as adoptive parents "choose" to love our children.