The truth about adoption...?

Question

So my husband and I am are wanting to adopt a child , this will be are second child, and could have one of our own , but think that why bring another child in to this world, when there are so many that need good loving homes. We have our first meeting with the state next month and are very excited, although i am wanting to know the truth about how much time it will take before we can get a child and how much money it is gonna cost ,i have heard anything from nothing, to 75,000.00 which a pretty big range, we are wanting a child under 4 ( would love a baby or toddler , but does not have to be) any race , but do want the child to not have any long term health or mental or emotional problems....does anyone have any ideas on time, the cost of this, do we need a agency or can we just go though the state ( we live in texas)...thanks guys!

Answer 1

I am a mom who gave a child up for adoption. She was newborn and we went through an agency. I was not prepared for a child and felt that God had given me a child for someone else. There was no other option. Through an agency I was able to read bios and interviews with the families and see pictures of them as they were of me. And it felt right for me to know that I had a part in who is raising her and providing for her. It was very emotional and hard to do but I feel that was the best way for me. I could not imagine putting her through the system and her be moved from foster care to where ever and not know that she is safe. Our foster system is not the best and I feel that at least through an agency I felt security in my choice.

Answer 2

Wanting a child under the age of 4 with no health, mental or emotional problems....?

Adoption of children from the foster care system is generally free or with very few costs...  

However it will be very difficult to have your home study approved--or a child placed if you are interested in a child with no long term health, mental or emotional problems as the state will not guarantee this--especially when a large number of children under the age of 4 will have these issues--actually Many HUMANS have these issues and they were not even adopted!

The woman who taught one of our Special Needs parenting classes had adopted a newborn privately in the 1980's... He was a perfect--white baby boy--born to the perfectly healthy mother---he ended up with so many special needs that the lady became an instructor for special needs parenting classes... The kid she adopted from foster care ended up being just fine!

I have 4 kids.... 2 by birth 2 by adoption... The MOST horrible parenting role I have played to date was dealing with the aftermath of my "perfect" child who without my permission went sledding in the street one day and ripped his leg off... at the hospital they planned to amputate and instead expereminted and re-attached it.... That was 15 years ago and I still cry when I watch him limp....  He was born perfect!

Answer 3

If you go through your county/state then it doesn't cost anything for the homestudy, classes or usually the final adoption.   You can do foster, foster-to-adopt or just straight adoption.  Getting babies are harder but after they are 12 months they have a harder time finding homes so there are lots available.  Right now in the county where i live we have 20 toddlers in need of a home all in foster care and the couple next door is fostering a newborn right now.  If you adopt through an agency or lawyer it could be about $10,000 or more to get things started and you have to pay for everything yourself but the chances of a healthy newborn increase but the waiting list is long for newborns and younger babies.

Answer 4

Have you thought about adopting through foster care?  If you adopt through foster care then usually you dont have to pay anything.  The state takes care of it. We are adopting through foster care right now although the 2 we are adopting are teenagers you can get smaller children as well.  After our adoption is complete we are going to adopt again but this time we are going to adopt youhger children.

Answer 5

You do know that the loss of a mother/father and entire family not to mention identity and sense of self is enough to give anyone long term emotional problems?

Have you read Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier?

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com << a blog you may benefit from :) Cheers and good luck

Answer 6

I don't know about Texas but in Los Angeles, if you adopt from the county it does not cost you one penny, in fact they pay you until the child is eighteen. Even after the adoption!

I am adopting a 2 1/2 year old from the foster system. My brother adopted a newborn and an 11 month old from the foster system and they did not charge anything. These are kids that were either taken from their parents for abuse or neglect, abandoned or are orphans. Forget the agency, go through the state, there are wonderful children waiting for someone to call a family.

Answer 7

There is no possible way to know if a child that young will develop long term mental health problems.  Therefore, you should not adopt if you're not willing to deal with eventual possibilities.

An adopted child is guaranteed to have life long emotional problems, due to the fact that they are adopted.  Therefore, you should not adopt if you are not prepared to deal with the trauma a child goes through when they are separated from their family.

If you decide you can deal with the above, then I'd suggest adopting through your state.  There are many, many kids waiting in foster care for homes.

ETA:  Forgot to answer your question.  My husband and I have been homestudy-approved since October 2006 through the state of Oregon, and are adopting through foster care.  We are still waiting for a match.  I have no idea if Texas is similar, but there are a LOT of families adopting through foster care in Oregon, so it's a bit of a wait.  I actually worry that our homestudy will expire (ours is valid for 2 years - some only last one year) before we are chosen for a child or sibling set.

Answer 8

There are many avenues to adoption: US domestic, foster, and overseas.  Each have their benefits and drawbacks and you need to research each option thoroughly in order to make the best decision for you and your family.  

Each option has different requirements, costs, time frames, etc.  So the range you describe really isn't too far off.  There is no cut-n-dried way to say, "The process costs $X."  

US domestic adoptions and overseas adoptions often include agencies, so do your research and make sure you are dealing with a reputable agency.  You can contact the Better Business Bureau, look up earnings statements and ask for references from people who have used their services before.  Don't be afraid to do this.

Foster adoptions go through the state and you can contact your local department of social services.

All adoptions will require you to present many official documents concerning you and your family, such as birth certificates, marriage certificates, tax returns, etc.  Unless you're one of those really organized people who keep everything in a locked box, you'll have to order certified copies.  It takes time, but it's something to do while you're doing your research.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I think it is easier to go through an agency.  The state is part of the government and has a lot more red tape and it takes them forever to do anything.

I adopted my son. It cost us less than $15k, and we had our son at home within 45 weeks of our first meeting with the agency.

Here is their website.  www.adoptionhelp.org

By the way, with this agency you can basically ask for a baby that is a certain age, (including newborn), race, etc.  The only thing you cant ask for is a newborn of a specific gender, because the doctors make mistakes sometimes and they can not guarantee you a certain gender.