There's something wrong with me?

Question

when someone older than me single me out from the crowd and show me the least bit of empathy, I just want to **** them. I want to show them how bad I am, and not bad in a sexual way. I want to show them that I am out of control, that I’m a rebel, a wild child.

I even have these little fantasies where they catch me in the act of doing drugs or drinking or having s*x with someone else. I guess the design of these fantasies is to make someone fall in love with me, worship me, then I show them who I really am, that I’m broken, that I’m a rebel. They then try to fix me and no matter what they don’t give up on me, this stuff really gets me off. But it’s much more than anything sexual, it’s like I get this psychological gratification from these fantasies.

I call this part of me the dark part of me. The ‘good’ part of me is still in control, but I don’t know how longer I can control myself. I would love to just self destruct and have someone pick me up from the ashes, even though I refuse to. I have this innate feeling to break free, to relinquish and rebel – to self destruct. Then have someone see this and try to fix me, this is like the core of me, it’s who I am. But it’s starting to ruin my life and my friendships, why am I like this? And how can I fix this?

Only mature answers please…

Answer 1

Hi. You can fix this by focusing on you and what makes you happy. It seems as though you are looking for validation from men and you need validation from you. s*x does not prove or give control to someone in their everyday lives. You need to figure out how to build up your self esteem so you will not need any validation from anyone.

Start off but just telling yourself all the beautiful things that make you you. Keep telling or write it down and post it on your wall so you can look at it everyday. After a month, you will see a difference if you keep it up. When you are down, look at that too.

To sum it all up, its about self esteem.

And a fantasy is a fantasy. Do not dwell in those or invest so much time in them. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself first. Good luck. I hope this helps.