They want to hold my five year old back in kindergarten again, I'm not sure I agree though....?

Question

She has been reading almost a year and can do small addition. The teacher says academically she is fine, but she is too immature to go to first grade. She has a hard time sitting still for too long and by the end of group time (which is 25 minutes) she is spinning around or making noises. I notice she does this at home, at dinner time, she has to get up and down and wont just sit still during dinner. I am apprehensive about holding her back in kindergarten again, because I dont think her learning her ABC's again will help when she is already reading, and reading well. They are saying she is not ready for first grade because she is one of the youngest in her class and her behaviors show youngness. I am unsure of what to do. I dont want to hold her back if she isnt going to be challenged, but I dont want to move her forward if she is too immature for first grade.

Answer 1

dont hold her back..let her go to fisrt grade she will be more challanged and probably sit still a  little if she is a little more challenged at the work she is doing...Lst year my (then) 5 yr old sister was the youngest in her k-5 class.Her teacher wanted to hold her back because she was 1. the youngest   2.she was really shy ......But my parents let her go to firts grade she is doing great!She has lots of friends and is not that shy anymore..Anyways,maybe your daughter is just gets boresd easily and likes to play and not be bored....

Answer 2

There's the ongoing dilemma of borderline birthdays and when to send your child to kindergarten.... My sister was held back in kindergarten for the same reasons and it turns out she had a learning disability though. It doesn't sound like that's the problem with your daughter. As a future teacher, I agree with the one post that you might want to have her tested for ADHD. But some kids are just wiggle-worms. I personally would go for 1st grade and if the problem persists then maybe you can hold her back then.

Answer 3

HOLD HER BACK! Please, I've been through this experiance before. If the teacher is telling you she's too immature, she probably is. Spare her social life in Middle School and High School and hold her back. Trust me, it'll benifit her.

Answer 4

I wouldnt hold her back.  My middle one was the same way she just didnt seem as old as the other kids in the class but we went ahead and moved her forward and now she is in 4th grade and an honor roll student.  Some kids mature later than others and some never do at all.  With what you are saying she might end up being a kid with ADD or ADHD and if she is then you can address that issue in the future.  If you hold her back when she already knows the material then she will be worse next year because she will get bored faster and edgy.  Also have them test her, maybe the problem is she already knows what they are learning and needs something to challenge her more.  When my oldest was in 1st grade her teacher had to get worksheets from the 2nd grade teacher because the others were to easy for her, she finished them quickly and then got bored and acted out.

Answer 5

I held my daughter back in kindergarten for the same reason and I almost wish I hadn't.  Now they're testing her for gifted or to skip a grade at the end of the year in first grade.  By the time the middle of what we call Kindergarten 2 came around, she was complaining she was bored and she didn't like the kids in her class because they were too little.  At the same time, I know my daughter wasn't emotionally ready to go to 1st grade, so I'm not sure what I should have done in place of what I did, but I feel like I wasted a year of her schooling.  A lot of school districts have a transitional first grade program implemented for cases like that though.  I'd look that up to see if its available in your area.

Answer 6

Don't hold her back. If it doesn't work out then u should hold her back for the next yr. If that still doesn't work, maybe u should consider seeing a doctor to see if she has any learning disabilities.

Answer 7

I have been where you are . My son wasn't young for his age but behind on hand eye coordination. He needed glasses earlier than we realized, he got them at 3.5 and should have had them early. The eye DR is the one who recomended he be held back. The DR did go to the school, watch him in class and talk to his techer more than once. He was acidemically 2-3 years ahead on verbal etc but a year behind on hand eye.

We held him back. He breezed thru K, 1st, 2nd and 3rd. He didn't have to work at school work until 4th grade because he was so far ahead. One of his best friends ( a tiny little boy) told me, "Travis is the biggest in the class and he takes care of everyone". I will add that Travis is 27 now and still complains that I held him back !

If your daughter needs time, give it to her. Being held back latter will be much worse.

Answer 8

You have a lot of answers already, but please listen to what the teacher is telling you.  Kindergarten is about a lot more than learning ABCs and 123s.  A big part of it is about helping kids to be ready for school, emotionally, socially, and behaviorally.  It doesn't benefit the school to have your daughter repeat her kindergarten; they are telling you this for the benefit of your daughter.

My mom sent my brother on to first grade even though he was really immature and he had a lot of social problems later on and ended up having to go to the ninth grade twice.  He's much happier now that he's with younger kids that are more on his level, even though he's in high school.  So it can make a big difference in the long run.

Answer 9

I would agree with the first post that this sounds more like ADHD than an immaturity issue.  The impulsivity and lack of attention are indicators of ADHD.  It is not a bad thing, it's just something that can be dealt with.  

I held my son back in kindergaten and do not regret it for one second.  He is ADHD and was not ready to move on to first grade.  The second year of kindergarten did wonders for him.  I would have an independent evaluation of her behaviors and see what they would recommend.  Your pediatrician is a great place to start.

Good luck.

Here's a great website with ADHD info.

http://www.chadd.org

Answer 10

The trouble is that other children will give your daughter a name and she will be forever known to be a "problem" child.  I happen to think that there is nothing wrong with holding back since life gives us so many opportunities to move ahead.

Answer 11

I wouldn't hold her back just because they think she's immature. She's bored. First grade will be a good challenge for her and may want to sit still for learning.  You may have a very smart daughter on your hands and she's just simply bored.

For the summer, give her work books for first graders, if she seems to fly through it with ease, then move to second grade level work books. You might discover she was really bored in Kinder.  If you see that she is on her academic level, then check with her doctor about ADHD.

Answer 12

As a mom of older kids, I would go with the recommendation.  You may not see it now, but the differences do get wider as they move up in grades.  And, with more and more people holding summer birthdays back, the gap widens even more.  School is so important for life... determines college.  It seems to me that it is best to set them up for success.  Also, what is one more year.  It is so much easier to repeat kindergarten than to get held back later.  Also, there is so much to be had for being the oldest.  We held my son back who has a late summer birthday.  He has blossomed as one of the oldest in his class.  His self esteem is so much stronger than it would be if we had sent him "on time."   And I believe that success breeds success... he has been labeled one of the "smart ones" in first grade by his friends.  That label can only help him as he goes along.

Answer 13

Once, okay, but twice?  No.  If it's accademic, the school MUST provide help.  Tell them you want her evaluated through the IEP program.  If she has problems, she will get extra help and even accomodations for test taking - extra time, a little more help during tests, etc.  My daughter is in it and her grades are now A's and B's and she has struggled since kindergarten.  She's in 4th grade now, and I suspect she'll be testing out of the program this year.  We'll see.  It has boosted her confidence and helped her learning skills.

Holding children back is an easy way to not address the true problem.  It may be necessary in some cases, but TWICE?  I don't think so.

The school is required to help.  No child get's left behind.

Answer 14

That's a tough one.  Does her school offer a pre 1st class?  At our local elementary school, that is available.  It is for the kids that don't need to repeat kindergarten, but aren't ready for the demands of 1st grade.  Or do you have the option of putting her in 1st grade for maybe the first 9 weeks and see how she does?  It's not like if you move her back to kindergarten she would be behind, so it wouldn't be that difficult of a transition.  But, give her the rest of this school year and the summer and everyone may be surprised at the changes in her.  It's so hard to predict.  Either way, you have to do what you feel is best for her all around.  1st grade is different from kindergarten (not so much play) and 2nd grade has even higher expectations.  She may very well benefit from gaining that extra year before she moves on.  Good luck.

Answer 15

Let them know that you fear another year in the same program will only exaggerate the problem as she will be bored as well and even more antsy...let them know you appreciate their suggestion but that kinesthetic  learning is not a reason for being held back - she just needs more stimulation and that has Nothing to do with maturity....ask them to tell you what resources they have in your school to assist her....extra gym time, letting her hold something in her hands during story times etc....Read about it and then advocate for her so you are not pushed into anything....I agree with you strongly that another year in the same grade doing the same thing will only make it more a problem and in the meantime her spirit is damaged as well...right now she's enthusiastic about learning after another year???? Let the School know you are willing to work WITH them, and that means exploring all the possibilities not just easy answers...

Good Luck~

***Kinesthetic learners may be restless or hyperactive when feeling understimulated in educational setting reliant on visual or verbal learning styles. Without movement they may struggle to maintain attention and so may be more susceptible to diagnoses such as ADD or ADHD.  Kinesthetic learners (unless they also have a movement or motor planning disorder such as dyspraxia) may have a highly developed sense of balance, timing and body movement and work well in physical and manual tasks. Examples of kinesthetic learning include building dioramas, physical models or participating in role-playing or historical reenactment.****

taken from link below (Wiki) and read up on the other as well.....Knowledge is Power

Answer 16

I wouldn't allow them to hold her back. she will catch up in maturity. the school system dont usually look out for each child, they are more concerned with what is best for them. have you considered homeschooling or private schools? You never know with kids-she could mature a great deal by September and be just fine!

Answer 17

I sent my son on to grade one because everyone said he was academically and socially ready, even though he was only 5 in August before kindergarten.  He has done well in school, but struggles socially a bit, and it would be really hard to have him repeat a grade in middle school!  Perhaps you could send your daughter to a different school for the year so she would be more challenged?  Or just provide lots of supplementary "work" at home, encouraging the reading and such.  If the teacher says she is a bit immature, then grade one will not be fun for her.  It will be easier to slow things down now than later.  Good luck to you both.

Answer 18

Holding a child back rarely helps.  If you're apprehensive about it and she's doing well academically, don't hold her back.  Instead, recognize that she's socially immature and work vigilantly with her to become more mature.  Holding her back for social reasons will just FURTHER frustrate her since she won't be learning anything.  If she's twirling around during lessons now, imagine what she'll be like when she already knows what's being taught.

Answer 19

If she is not struggling academically, do not hold her back.

Make an appointment to talk with the principal and request a 1st grade teacher who is structured, yet loving. Your child will need that combo in order to be successful.

Before dinner, tell her that you expect her to sit on her bottom throughout the meal. Praise her every couple of minutes that she is successful, but don't punish for not being successful

In the afternoons, make sure she is playing hard outside. Riding bikes, etc. Don't let her sit in front of a TV all afternoon.

Answer 20

This is a call you must make, and it alaso may require more discipline at home.  By now, children should easily be able to sit still throughout dinner or an activity for 30 minutes or more, or even watch an entire movie.  It could be that she is not be academically challenged and therefore the fidgeting appears.  I do not agree to hold children back due to maturity levels, but some people and educators do.  Think about it and watch her interact with other children and then decide.

Answer 21

If she is doing well academically, don't hold her back.  She will be MORE bored if she has to repeat kindergarten, and do the same work over and over again.  If anything, this will make her have an even harder time sitting still.  In fact, it sounds as though she is bored in kindergarten as it is.  Another year will not solve the problem.

You may want to consider having her tested for ADHD.  The problem may not be at all related to immaturity.

Answer 22

At this age, I would suggest allowing her emotional development to catch up with her mental development and keep her back one more year.

Going through school, if she is emotionally immature, she will have nothing but problems with the teachers she encounters as well as the other students. This could have a negative impact on her self esteem.

School is only one part of her days and her life. If she is as bright as you say academically, there is nothing saying that you can't continue to challenge her with reading, math, science, etc. after school and on weekends. Also, signing her up for extracurricular programs (like gymnastics or soccer) where she can practice interacting with other children in a social, yet structured, environment, could go a long way to helping her mature and be ready for the first grade.

Give her the chance to grow up emotionally before expecting her to sit at a desk and go through the grades before she is ready and I am sure it will pay off in the long run!

Good luck!

Answer 23

Don't hold her back.  Maybe over the summer, talk to her about this.  You know maybe give her a book, or read to her and see how long she is sitting for.  I don't see a reason to hold her back in kindergarten if she is doing fine academically.  I would just work with her on this problem, I would never sit still when I was little, but I made it just fine.  She can do the same.

Answer 24

no it sounds like she has adhd.

Answer 25

Is it possible that she's distracted by the end of circle time because she's bored with it, since she already knows the things they're talking about?   And, of course, it's not polite to be disruptive because you're bored, but... she's only 5, self-control is not an easy thing to maintaing for long periods of time at that age.  

I would be worried that, if she's sitting there repeating things that she already knows, she's more likely to be *more* disruputive & distracted rather than less, as time goes by.

Answer 26

You need to go beyond this recommendation. She needs to be evaluated by a child psychologist. He/she can figure out what is going on here.

If her immaturity is actually the problem, she needs to stay back. A teacher can not be expected to teach a class full of children if he or she is constantly having to tell one of them to sit down and pay attention. Plus, it will be hard on her to be the "bad" kid in class who gets called down by the teacher all the time.

Tell them you want her to go on to 1st grade and work with her over the summer. Tell her about acting appropriately in school, at dinner, etc. At her age, she will understand what you are saying. Reward her with stickers or something she likes when she behaves according to the situation, such as staying seated through dinner. If by the end of the summer you don't see a big change, when school starts, just tell them you have changed your mind and you want her to stay in Kindergarten. They won't be happy about a last minute change, but you need to do what is best for her.

My Hus has ADD. He was held back TWICE in elementary school. his parents never tried to find out if there was a problem that could be fixed and he suffered as the result. He is now a VERY good RN, but getting to that point was hard.

Answer 27

Based on what you said, I would not want her held back. Some children mature and respond appropriately in the more structured setting of a first grade classroom. She is not likely to behave much differently in the same setting next year. If she has difficulty after spending some time in first grade, you could seek out advice from her current teacher and/or doctor.

Answer 28

I would let her move forward as long as she is reaching the benchmarks for her grade.  I think it's wrong of the teachers that want to hold children back because they have a tendency to not "sit still".  Sounds to me like your daughter might need more stimulation, maybe she isn't challenged enough??  Hey, if they have to keep an eye on your daughter a little more than the others than so be it.  That's what they are paid for right??  My daughter has a child in her class that regularly disrupts lessons by talking or doing his own thing.  They are trying different things to get him to settle down, some are working and some are not.  My philosophy is that if my daughter is still able to learn what she needs to learn, then so be it if there is a willful child in her class.  Good Luck.

Answer 29

I agree with Momof2 here.

Maturity - or lack of it - is just a HUGE factor for the next few years down the road. Actually this happens mostly with girls (yes, even though boys tend to be more silly or rambunctious).

Make sure you have a meeting with the teacher and the principal, and even the school division psychologist if you request that. It's really important you clearly understand their reasons.

She can always go on to be one of the most academically talented children in future years, but you need to concentrate more on developing her social and group skills now. The teachers should be able to help you out with things you can do at home as well, to help with her social skills development.

Answer 30

Maybe you could ask the school psychologist for an evaluation of your daughter.  Perhaps she has ADHD or something which causes her to act out, and is being interpreted by the teacher as immaturity.  Maybe if she receives treatment and/or medication, she would be ready for first grade.  Good luck!

Answer 31

Tough, I know. I have a 5yr old in Kindergarten and she does well at school about paying attention and sitting still. At home it's a different story. Why don't you try consulting the school principle and maybe even her pediatrician. See if maybe she has some other problem that can give reason for her behavior. If I were in your shoes, that is what I would  do.