Things are bad. Where do I go from here?

Question

I just want a normal life. I want to have friends, but I don't know how to make them. I look at the other girls and wish I had a life like theirs. They have tons of friends, they're pretty, athletic, do well in school, and seem to be really enjoying their teen years. Why can't I be like that?

Things have been so bad at home. I used to be depressed a few years ago, but then things started getting better. Now they're getting bad again. My mom is two faced. One minute she'll be telling me that she's so happy I'm home and spending time with her. Later, I'll overhear her on the phone with someone telling them "ugh I wish my daughter hadn't come home for the week. She's getting on my nerves." No one else in my family knows that our relationship is like that. No one else knows the REAL her.

My brother is 2 years older than me and is starting college. He thinks horrible things about me, and I don't know why. He even tells me to my face "you're selfish", "everyone hates you", "you have no friends". It hurts so bad that someone I'm related to would say things like that. That someone I love so much thinks I'm a bad person. He and my mom talk about me behind my back. But when I'm there, they both pretend like everything is okay and we're this big, happy family... when we're not.

I've moved to live with my dad now. I'm starting a new high school next week. I'm dreading it. I don't want to be the new girl who is antisocial and doesn't know how to talk to people.

In conclusion: I have a lot of problems with my family. The only person I feel like really loves me is my dad. I barely get to see him though, he's always working. Actually, his wife and her daugher (my step mom & step sister) are caring people too... sometimes. Also, I have no one I can talk to when things go wrong. I have no friends, but I want to make some. I just lack social skills...

All of this is so hard to deal with, especially when I'm only fifteen and I'm trying to manage school, my social life, and my home life ALL AT ONCE... Is there any advice you can give me? Do you think things will get better?

Answer 1

First of all, those other girls may seem like they have perfect lives, but they really don't.  Believe me, once I sat down and talked to a girl whose social skills and friends I totally admired, and she told me how people talk about her behind her back and she doesn't have many real friends at all.  So though it may not seem like it, you're not alone.  Those "normal" girls have friends who they grow apart from or who talk about them, feel like they're not good enough in sports or grades, and probably don't think they're pretty.

I'm so sorry that your mom and brother treat you like that.  It must be so hard to deal with that, loving them and then having them talk about you.  However, from what you say, it sounds like they probably have problems of their own, and maybe they're using you as a scapegoat for their unhappiness.  It's not your fault, and someday they'll realize how lucky they are to have you.

At least you have your dad and his family, and maybe you can make even tighter connections with them.  Try to spend time with them and bond as a family.  If you do happen to get close to your step-mom or sister, tell them some of what you're going through.  Maybe they can relate.

Finally, take the advice of that first person who commented .  You're at a new place, you can be anyone you want to be.  Be friendly to people, talk to everybody, be the person you've always imagined yourself as.

Things will get better.  You have a chance to start over and to make new friends.  You're going to do great.

Answer 2

I'm sort of dreading the start of school too. Fortunately for me, only 3 people will know me to begin with. That means I can be whoever I want to be. Think of it like that!

A few days ago I went to the orientation and this really nice girl started talking to me. You could be the nice person who starts conversations.

I also think you should (a) talk to your family and (b) see someone professional (sorry, Yahoo Answers doesn't count).  

Answer 3

Let me tell you this I truly truly feel for you. There is one sure answer though. Prayer. Prayer is extremely powerful. My whole family used to hate me, disrespect me, belittle me and all my friends left me long time ago. However, later when I expected Jesus Christ into my life everything started changing. I not only made new friends, but gained my old best friends back. I NEVER imagined it. I used to beat my sister, my younger used to hate me and my parents thought of me as the failure child. However, they still kept praying for me, and I started praying myself. Now, our family is one of the families that don't really have drama. My life completely changed. With faith in Jesus ANYTHING is possible. And I mean anything. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy road, but trust me this is the one and only road that you will encounter true love from friends, family, people and most importantly, God. He loves you so much and wants to give you soooo much. All you have to do is ask in faith. He changed my life, and is willing to draw near to you if you draw near to him. He would never dream of forcing you to come to him. That is why he may seem like he's not watching over you. Have you ever tried calling out to him? Trust me he doesn't ignore. He knows the right time to allow certain things to happen. And also, the troubles in our lives are not to blame to God. After all, we are sinful in nature. We usually create the problems that we have. I'm not saying it's your fault that your family is how it is. But people in general. We s***w up the world. Only through Jesus Christ are we able to have the capacity to do good. I pray that you will accept Jesus Christ as your savior, because he can give you what NO ONE else can give you. What is this? His amazing grace. God bless you sister. He loves you so much~ and so do his people.  

Answer 4

You said that you are going to start a new school next week, well no one knows or thinks that you are anit-social.  So get creative!  Reinvent yourself into the girl you always thought you were or wanted to be!

Answer 5

Well you are starting a new school, so it's your chance to start over ^.^. I have trouble talking to people too, find people who like to do the same things as you and soon enough you will be able to talk to them easily. You will have a good relationship with them.

I know all this from my own experiences... I have Social anxiety and my parents are complete jerks about it. I never had real friends. I began doing sports and gained friends that way.

I'm not a good writer at all so there's a huge chance most of the things i said don't make any since at all :P. But i hope you get something out of this and your life starts getting better.

Good luck! Things will get better :)  

Answer 6

everyone has family problems. They will be people at your new school who will be going through the same thing or worse.

When your at school, forget about your family. Make new freinds and enjoy being at school.

No body knows who you are so start everything fresh and just think positive about yourself.

Some people may have a whole lot of friends but they may only have 1 or 2 best freinds.

My boyfriend for example has so many freinds i cant keep up! but he only has 2 best freinds.

Me on the other hand have only 3 best freinds. thats it! buts that all i need.

Your living with your dad now so for the time, just enjoy your time with your dad. Dont worry about your mother and brother. Your brother is still going through puberty lol and your mother obviously has some issues that she will sort out.

Good luck in your new school and i hope you enjoy it!  

Answer 7

Hey, don't worry. Thinngs are already looking up with your new family. They seem to care about you so you shoud relax and not try to impress them. If you actually believe you are selfish then try to think what you are doing wrong and fix it. I don't mean buy them flowers everyday or anything I mean do the dishes even when no one asks you to and things like that. To make your life better overall just focus on what's importent. Be healthy, be smart, and be happy. If you have nothing to do don't just watch tv go outside and run for an hour (and I mean real jogging and everyday if you can). You will be very surprised how much better you will feel if you do something productive with your day. School is much easier then people think. Do all your homework and study every once in a while. People make it out to be more difficult then it is but you will do great if you are simply done everything a day or three in advnace. making friends is tricky. Don't try to force friends and hang out with people you don't actually like. Making a friend is rather easy and most friends you will meet through the friends you have. As long as you are keeping yourself busy with running, learning, and being kind to yuor freinds and family everything will be all right. If you realy do think it's hard to make friends the just talk to me! I'm 15 and I'm availible! ...Besides that just never spend time watching tv or doing nothing. I also highly recommend you find a hobby that you really enjoy. Skateboarding, music, (or my faveourite) kickboxing, can really help your mental and physical status.

Take my advice. Just focus on what's importent. Excersice, don't ignore school, keep everyting tidy in your house even if no one asks you to, random good deeds, and a hobby. If you have all those tings everything else in life will be much easier then you think.

Answer 8

Well, I don't really know you, but when can I say??

Your avatar is cute; I've always preferred brunettes, and know I am not alone.

    You write well and brains do count for a lot in this world, but make one stand out, especially in high school when it's just a manic social whirlpool.

     I didn't have the problems you do with family, but didn't have the best relationship with all the family members.  I found solace alone a lot and now all these years later feel OK living away from them and being closer to the wife's family.  I probably am teetering with depression and don't reach out to others enough from the upbringing.

     Feeling good about yourself and watching out for yourself should be your biggest priority--after all, who is it most important for??

     With best wishes and hopes for the new school year,

J.

Answer 9

alright, first of all, here's your solution. You're going to a brand new school. You're going to make a brand new start, and everything is going to be BRAND NEW!!

  This is your time to change. You said you needed to deal with social and family issues?? Well, it seems to me that your family is the one thing that is constantly holding you down. I say, just don't talk to the ones who you don't trust, and it seems to me you already know who those are.

  make new good friends, but make sure they are worth talking too. make sure they are the kind of people who are going to care and listen to everything you do. Make them your family away from home.

  I can garuntee, with what I hear about you're home life being so awful, making new friends will get you out of the dumps, and into the spotlight.

  Just believe in your social confidence, go out there, and make a new start.

  

  hope this helps!!

    ~Jessica