Things have gotten unbearable with my husband?

Question

I have been married over 20 years. He stepped out on me once. We have 2 beautiful teenagers. We are in our mid 40s. He is all consumed with his job and making money, and has no interest in s*x. He doesn't show any affection, no hugs, nothing. He gets turned off if I initiate. He sits around drinking every nite. I am bored and restless. I keep myself fit and get alot of attention from other men. I have tried to talk to him about my unhappiness and he dismisses me and says "what do you want from me". I just want him to hold me because he wants to. I feel like a piece of furniture in my own home.He has also hurt me physically by grabbing my arms and leaving bruises (I have pictures). I have thought of having an affair for the first time in my life. He won't go to counseling or make an effort. Any advice for me?

Answer 1

Did you give him an answer when he asked "What do you want from me?" Did you tell him what you have told us. If he wont go to counseling to help save your marriage then go yourself to try to understand why. You will probably be more able to see what is wrong. Then you can decide with an open mind whether to end the relationship or fight for it if it is worth it.

Answer 2

Go for it girl

Answer 3

why have an affair and make matters worse? obviously your extremely unhappy and in physical danger. You deserve more and I'm sure you already know that. What you have know is not love, it's a shame how people change and things don't work out. But thats life. I would go through with a divorce or separation. Cheating makes you almost as bad as he is.

Answer 4

I am sorry for you situation. It seems like he is not going to have s*x with you in quite a while. How can you go without affection for so long?

Maybe an affair would lighten up your life. He certainly is not interested in helping you. It's like he wants you to turn to others for that necessary part of your life. He is deserting that important part of marriage. How will it feel to make love in the next few days with someone you've meet this week? Good luck.

Answer 5

He cheated on you so you want to cheat on him> If it's over than end it> Don't add more drama to the drama   as the children will be the 1s to get hurt>

Answer 6

why have an affair? That will just make it worse as well as make you feel like you have something to hide.Give him a ultimatum he either does it or you'll move on and find somebody that will take care of your needs. [lifes to short]

Answer 7

Though my answer won't be thorough, I will get things started with the recommendation that you need to go and see a counselor by yourself in order to get a truly unbiased opinion. See someone who can help you look at all of your options and help you to be aware of all facets of your situation before you make a life-changing decision.  If you don't like the first one, get another - until you find the one that suits you.  Counselors aren't just for those with mental health problems. In this fast-paced life when we all hardly have time to sort out the input that we deal with daily, a counselor can help sift through things in a way that is beneficial.

Remember, you were somebody before you met this person - a counselor is a person that will help your remember who you were and will know how to help you be you again, alone or as part of this marriage.  An affair will only temporarily numb your pain - it won't solve your problem.  And finally, I always advise women I know who are in unhappy marriages to do whatever they can to strengthen their own self, so that when they have made their decision, they will be able to deal with the consequences from a position of strength and security. For many this means a counselor, for some it means a large circle of supportive friends and the pursuit of hobbies or music, for others it simply means de-stressing and getting enough sleep and eating well.

Whatever you can do to bolster your confidence, sense of self, and your feeling of well-being will pay off no matter what happens.

Good luck,

Jen

Answer 8

If he won't go to counseling, go by yourself.