Thinking about adopting or becoming a foster parent...I already have 3 childre of my own.?

Question

I feel I am a good mother..not perfect by any means but I know that my house is a safe and loving place..I am happily married and have a 4, 2 and 8 month old. I have been thinking for several years that someday I would want to adopt a child or children out of the foster care system. My heart just goes out to these children and it just breaks my heart when I hear the tragic stories of children who grow up in the foster care system. My only concern is the affect that extra children will have on my own. And if bringing children with physical and sexual abuse histories will put my own children at risk in any way. Anyone out there with experience with this. Could you please share some of you own experience on the matter or maybe direct my to some websites to find addt'l info

Answer 1

my partner was adopted with her sister at the age of 18 months and the age of three.  her adoptive parents had fostered both of them from birth with the intent to adopt.  her parents already had 2 biological children who were ages 11 years and 9 years.  therfore they were old enough to understand what was going on.  they also had a foster son at home who was also later adopted when he was 9 years, (he is the middle child).  They have all now grown up as siblings and whether or not they are adopted never comes into it.  however your children are still young so it would be harder for them to understand.  Also as my partner was young there was no previous history to worry about, however a child with history will be very different therefore always look at the family as a whole not the child individually as you all make up the picture.

Answer 2

Your compassion is lovely, but your concerns are valid. Not every child in foster care has been abused, but bringing any new person into the home will have an effect on your kids. That could be a blood relative, a friend, or a foster child. Your kids may very well benefit from having another brother or sister but how will it affect them if their parents are able to reunify with them and the kids leave your home? I really think that your priority should be your current family right now.

Answer 3

when u have a family

u have a lot to think about

i am adopted and my parents started keeping foster kids again when i was about 10 yrs old but it was b/c i asked them to do it.

maybe u could ask ur kids what they think about helping other kids in need.

its also hard when u keep a foster kid and then have to let them go to there 4ever home. the first one is all ways the hardest

it does get easier each time

good luck

Answer 4

While I have seen news stories about adopted kids preying on their new siblings I believe these cases are rare.  My father and step-mom have adopted four kids and they all live together with their (bio) daughter who is my half sister.  They have a wonderful happy family.  

Talk to your kids.  Maybe they would think it would be great to have another kid in the house.  Maybe take them with you when you meet a possible child for your family so you can see if they can get along.  Good luck and God bless!

Answer 5

I have fostered an african child for nearly two years now. Firstly he is my first child and I am single and was when I applied. He was found on the street at the age of 18 months begging for food and was removed and placed in the social services system which in my opinion let him down.

He was then placed in foster care on three seperate occassions and each time he was dumped back on their door. He is a magnificent child and yes its been a hard road. He has suffered at the hands of his foster parents and at the hands of a child in a home he was placed in. She sexually abused him.

I have had nights of bedwetting, night tremors, violence and constant boundary testing. Its been a test of my character and has pushed me to limits I was not sure I could handle. He has expressed various anxiety issues as well as an attachment disorder. This is hard work and I think people expect the children to be terribly grateful and to be honest they are not, nor should they be. Its us adults who let them down, so its up to us to repair it.

Today he is a well adjusted and sweet child, who readily engages anyone he meets. He is filled with energy and has lost his “good boy” side which is truly great, it means he is now no longer fearing rejection and is brave and sure enough about my love for him that he is willing to test it by breaking rule and pushing boundaries.

Be sure you want to do this, your other children may not understand and may see this addition as a rival for your affection. Its been two years for me and to be honest he is still not ready to share his mom with another child. The problems that can arise will be related to the abuse the child suffered at the hands of their parents. Add a drug addicted parent into the mix and you have a tough job.

Maybe wait until your kids are older, and involve them in the decision. Its so rewarding and seeing my little boy grow into the person he was born to be, humbles me. His spirit is truimphant and I worry if I can be what he needs me to be sometimes. He risks everything to allow himself to be loved again, so I feel I need to honour that trust and be the mother he needs, the mother he deserves.

Answer 6

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nancy_Verri...