Thinking about trying for a third child?

Question

Has anyone decided not to have a third child because you were afraid that your youngest will have the effect of the middle child syndrome? I have been reading more and more about it and it worries me. I know tha parents should really be focused of not making them feel left out but I know that it stills happens. The other factor is that my oldest is 9 and my secod child is 6. I have asked them about it and my oldest said he would be fine but my 6 year old tells me what would happen if I can't help her with certain things because the baby would be crying. My husband thinks I am making a big deal of this. But even though I ache for that 3rd child my heart also aches when I think that they would feel left out especially my younger one.

Answer 1

I think you should have a third kid if you want to. It was the opposite in my family; my mom wanted a third kid, but my dad didn't, so I ended up being the second and last child. Since you're so concious of the possible effects of being a middle child, you can actively work to avoid them. Just avoid favoritism; you don't necessarily have to devote an equal amount of time to each child, but show them your love equally and they should all be fine. Middle child syndrome is only as serious as you make it; many "middle" children in all generations have grown up to be just as happy and successful as their siblings.

Answer 2

As a middle child, I can tell you that there is no such thing as "middle child syndrome."  If anything I think the middle place is the best.  Your older sibling has paved the way so your parents are more relaxed, and the baby needs your parents more so you don't get "caught" for every little thing.  On top of that, you get to play with a cute baby, and you have an older sib looking out for you.  What could be better???

Answer 3

i agree with your husband.  I didnt plan on having a special needs child first and he takes my time from everyone and no one minds.  I ahve 3 children and couldnt imagine life without any of them.   I apy attention to everyone as an individual as they need it.  I think it add character to have to wait and share.  They help one another when I am busy with the baby or another child.  They will be fine.

Answer 4

Just make sure you give everyone the love and attention they need. There is plenty of Mommys love to go around and your youngest will learn that.

Also you could get her to help out with the new baby.

My parents did that with my sister when I was born

Firstly at the hospital when My dad was carrying me out, he had bought a doll and gave it to a nurse. When the nurse gave me to my dad to be brought home she gave the doll to my sister, telling her she had a new baby that she could care and look after just like mommy and daddy had.

Also my parents used to get my sister to help with things like bathing and feeding yours truely.

My parents said she was really into that because she felt involved then. It worked a treat. ^_^

Answer 5

Have the third child and quit freaking out. Middle child syndrome is only as serious as you make it. The way you parent effects the kids so much more. Yes, my middle child will always be a middle, but I make sure that all the kids are responsible for themselves instead of the elder being responsible for the next eldest. If you teach them to bring their problems to you or work it out, the middle won't feel like they have to mediate. Encourage all of your children's talents and abilities so noone outshines the rest. I have 3 kids, 4th being born this summer. My kids don't have the typical "eldest, middle, youngest" complex because I've made sure to raise them as equally as possible. Read a birth order book and see what the common pitfalls are, then don't do them. For example, most youngests are supposed to be jokers that don't take responsibility. Well, make the child accountable for its own actions and make sure the child gets enough attention that they don't have to act out to get noticed. Birth order matters a bit, but how you raise them matters more, imho.

Answer 6

I would think you certainly have enough love to around.  If you think about it, a few generations ago the typical family was somewhere around 6-8 kids, and the parents had plenty of love for all of those kids.  I think you're overthinking it, and you'll be a wonderful mom to all 3 of your children.  Good luck with your decision!

Answer 7

Have an even number like 4 instead of 3. I have 3 and someone is always left out.