Thinking bout adopting my baby what's your advise?

Question

I'm 8 months pregant and thinking about adopting. Unsure about it. Scared of what may happen in future of child.

Answer 1

It's natural to worry about baby's future. What abhout your future if you keep baby? You are so young and have a lot to accomplish like finishing school,college,etc... Please give your baby the GIFT of love and place baby for adoption. I did. I was 31 though with 2 kids at home. I wanted her to have all the advantages I would be able to give. I'm sure when baby is older they would understand why you placed them for adoption. Also, please let this be a learner experience to use protection.

Answer 2

i gave up a child for adoption 18  years ago. i know that today i long to see him and to tell him how much i love him. i think the best advice i could give you is for you to be totally honest with yourself. dont make any rash decisions. why do you want to give your baby up? is it for safety reasons. do you live in a bad enviorment? is it for financial reasons? is it because you think someone could give your child a better life? remember when answering these questions that there is no deeper love than a mothers love for her own child. examine your reason for adoption. is there anything you can do to overcome this obstacle that is in your way of being a good mother. remember also that being a good parent takes lots of hardwork and educating yourself. are you willing to do what it takes if you keep the child? have you looked at your options for adoption? you have to be utmost honest with yourself on the route you choose to take. i kept my son for the first eleven months of his life. then i decided i couldnt do it so i checked into placing him in a home that i could still see him and not have to legally give him up. that was the wrong decision for me, him, and the couple that had him. on his birthday i went and got him back. in doing so i hurt some very good people and interrupted a life that he was very happy and loved in. i was being selfish. several months later i realized that i could not be a good mother and went thru a government agency to give him up. its a long story but at least with them my wishy washy mind could not affect him or anyone else anymore. i guess what i am trying to say is that i was not honest with myself and in doing i affected several peoples lives. today all i can do is pray and trust in god that my son has a good life. are you willing to be as honest as possible with yourself to make sure that a child that did not ask to come into this world is given the chance to experience love and happiness as a direct result of the decision only you can make at this point?

Answer 3

Putting your baby up for adoption is NOT a bad thing. I was your age when I had my first one and boy it wasn't easy. I had no options. But that is totally up to you. You can e-mail me if you want to talk. And just so you know...My husband and I are looking to adopt.

Answer 4

It is OK to to feel unsure and scared. Please talk to someone about your feelings and adoption/parenting plan. Some individuals that may be able to help: schools guidance counselor, pastor at church, your OB/GYN, your parents.

I am currently trying to adopt through Bethany Christian Services. They counsel the mothers and help them to make a non-pressured decision. The counselors will help you make an adoption plan or a parenting plan based on your desires for your child. May God bless you and your unborn child.

Answer 5

You are more mature thant he average teenager.  I am very proud of you for think about this.  I am an adoptive parent, and thank God for people like you.  My youngest son is going to be sixteen in September and I can not imagine a life without him.  As an adoptive parent I can assure you, your child will be loved, and cherished.  Check out this website:

http://www.cradleoflifeadoption.com/inde...

I used to be a foster parent for this agency, taking care of new borns till homes were found.  I assure you they only place children in loving homes.

Answer 6

Hi I just asked a question days back if I should let things go Ive regretted adopting out my child every day, I would get some professional help on this so you can be really sure , I wish I would have, Best wishes

Answer 7

Every parent is scared to some degree about their child's future ~ the best you can do is plan plan plan.

If you are looking towards adoption ~ by all means consider it!  My husband and I have an open relationship with our son's birthmom.  She is a terrific girl who gave parenting a try but just was not ready.  

Contact an Attorney in your area who specializes in open adoptions that way you always know what is going on with your birth child!

Good luck to you!!

Answer 8

Have you looked into a local adoption agency?  Our son's birthmom went to an agency she felt comfortable with and got matched up with a social worker who helped her find us!  We will be approved for another adoption in about a month or so...sooner if need be.  If you are interested in learning more about our family, let us know!

Good luck!

Daisha

Answer 9

Have you contacted any adoption agencies to get their advice on some counsellors? There is free counselling available if you'd like it, to help you decide.

There are many very nice couples out there who'd provide a wonderful home. Reputable agencies screen people very well...in some ways adopted children get better parents than ones "born into the family".

Don't be scared about adoption. Do look into it, and get some counselling so your questions can be answered and your fears dealt with.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I was put up for adoption as a child and I would never ever ask that it was ever different.  I love being adopted... I grew up in a wonderful family.  now with open adoption there isn't any medical history concerns... I think it is a great idea for you!

Answer 11

The thing you an be assured of with adoption is that your child will be adored, cherished, and loved.  Adoptive parents have to go through so much, and by the time they become parents, they spend almost all their time and energy and funds on making sure their baby is raised with so much stability and love.  Just make sure to chose an agency you have confidence in.  Make sure they are not pushy, or limited in their choices for you about families, types of adoption, counseling after delivery, etc.

In terms of your child's future -- most children who have been adopted have above average I.Q.'s, are happy, and have a strong self esteem.  Most love their parents dearly, and also love their birthmothers dearly as well!  Sound like you are making a great choice for your child's life.  THAT is what being a good mother is all about!  

I am sure you have a good agency by now, but if you need good referrals, just let me know.  I have over 20 years experience working in adoptions and can steer you toward an ethical one who will work tirelessly for YOU!

And guess what?  It is not too late!  : )

Click on my name, then my email.  I will write you back!

Answer 12

Twenty-seven years ago, I was born to a teenage girl. But, wait; do not feel sorry for me.  You see, imperfect beginnings do not have to have bad endings.  This girl, at such a young age made a very mature decision.  She decided to give both herself and me the chance to have a brighter future.  She gave me up for adoption through Catholic Charities.

            My parents are the people who raised me.  A rarity these days, not only were they high school sweethearts, they are still very happily married, after 33 years.  If you met them, you would tell me that I get my intelligence and logic from my father.  And that I look just like my mother and have her spirit.  People do not believe my mother when she tells them that I am adopted.  They tell her:  "But she looks just like you" or "She acts just like her dad."

            I have a younger brother, also adopted, who is the typical youngest child, laid-back, friendly, and loving.  He is also and all-star athlete.

            But my family does not end there.  I have a huge extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, who I am very close with.

            I do not have a memory of finding out that I was adopted.  I just always knew it, but was never made to fell different because of that.

            I mentioned that my brother is the typical youngest child.  Well, I am the textbook oldest child.  I tell my mother, "You may not have brought me into this world, but you sure have pushed me into it!"  Not really, but my parents always taught me to challenge myself and work hard.

            I was very active in high school and went to college on an ACT scholarship.  I completed my bachelor's degree in three years while working two jobs.  And then went straight into graduate school, where I excelled.  I was named an MBA Star Student and served as MBA Association President.  I graduated a year later at 22.  Since then I have worked in sales and in public relations.  I also own a production company, model, and am involved in my community.  I have a very well-rounded and successful life.

            I am who I am today because of my parents.  I am alive and where I am today because of the work of Catholic Charities and the mature decision of a very young girl.

Please feel free to contact me, I would be happy to answer any of your questions.

Answer 13

With adoption these days you can still remain in contact with your child, which you choose if you want to or not.  If you feel that you cannot give your baby the life you want then there are many couples out there who would love your baby.  It is a very hard decision to make but it is also very hard to raise a baby on your own, good luck for the future.

Answer 14

I'm sorry that you are in such an uncertain situation. Do you have support within your family to help you?

If you think you really might want to pursure adoption I would look into an agency thats in your area. We are currently waiting to adopt and our agency that we are working with assists birthmoms in trying to parent if thats what you would want to do and then looks at adoption should you decide that's what you want. Its a hard decision to make either way and you really need some support deciding what is best for you. Either way, you need to have a some sort of counseling that will help you to make a decision thats best for you.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 15

Okay, I have a zillion things I want to say and I'm going to do my best not to jumble it all up.  It is completely okay to sit on the fence and not know which way you are going to decide.  In fact, the choice for adoption should only be made after the baby has been born and you have time to process what has happened.  Childbirth is one crazy time that everything changes.  You can speculate all you want before your child is born, but it all comes down to after the birth.

I'm about to make your choices clear as mud.  Regardless of if you parent or if you place your child for adoption, you are a mother now.  The way of your life was before has changed and it won't go back.  There is a book called "Mothershock" that discusses the changes that happen if you decide to parent.  Just so you know that one of the biggest myths of adoption concerns picking your life up and continuing on where you left off after placing your child for adoption.  While there is a lot of talk about the wonderful act you can do by placing your child with another family, it will not alleviate the grief.  That first year after placing is hard.  Your body physically will go through the recovery believing your child is dead, even though your thoughts know otherwise.  Relinquishment is a traumatic experience even in the best of circumstances.  You will not be the same carefree person you were after childbirth regardless of whether you parent or relinquish.

Your child is also impacted by this decision.  Parenting in whatever circumstances that are giving you reason to doubt your parenting will impact this child.  Also by relinquishing your child for adoption, you are giving your child a different set of circumstances that the baby will have to live with.  Your child would forever have the effects of adoption is his/her life.

http://library.adoption.com/Parenting-an...

Even in love and good intentions, adoption is founded on loss and that child's loss would be from your actions.  That loss affects even the most well-adjusted happy person.

Honor the deliberation process.

1. Form an adoption plan.

2. Form a parenting plan.

3.  Decide after your baby is born and the dust has settled.

Here are a few more links to look at if you haven't already:

Safeguarding the rights and well being of birthparents in the adoption process

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publica...

This is a website written by a birthmother to help give information about open adoption in a non-biased way.

http://www.openadoptioninsight.org/

Discussion boards to help find resources and get more information about your choices.

http://www.singlepregnancy.com/

http://www.girl-mom.com/

http://soulofadoption.com/

Answer 16

Having a baby is such a wonderful thing that can happen. The child is innocent. The baby cannot decide his/her future, as his/her mother you can decide. it is your decision and responsiblility to bring happiness to the baby since you have create him/her.

Be brave and really you never know what's is ahead of you.

Don't make harsh decision, enjoy your pregnancy now, give birth to heathly baby is the main focus now.... stay happy.

All the best .

Answer 17

This is a huge decision that will affect you and your child forever.  Now is not the time to make that decision.  Have your child.  See him.  Take care of him.  If you are financially unable to care for him, there are state agencies and other options, and if you do choose adoption, I would seriously consider only adopting within your extended family.  Giving a child away to strangers (and even an open adoption is doing that--you have no rights to him, no matter what they tell you) will destroy a part of you, and also your child.  Adoption is disguised as a means to help little foundling children who have no other option.  But your child has you.  His mother.  Adoption is about lies (a closed system is based on nothing but lies), rejection (from your child's eyes) and loss for both of you.  Think about it good and hard.  It is the most profound decision you will ever make.  Don't do it with your eyes closed.  Good luck to you!

Answer 18

First off, you have to do what you think is in the best interest of the the child. Second, I would get with an agency. Perhaps your church has one.  They can provide a place for you to stay if you need to. And then you can decide what kind of adoption you want. I met the birth parents and I send them pictures and updates on my son. This birth  mother was not the first that selected me but the 3rd. The others decided to parent. Yes, that was hard but life is hard. So see, you can change your mind up to the last minute. My prayers are with you. I am so grateful to the birth mother who blessed me with a child