Thinking of adopting, are we prepared?

Question

I am 25 (almost 26,) by the time we adopt I'll probably be 27. My fiance (who will be my husband if/when we adopt) Is a lawyer. We live in New Jersey and recently bought a single family home.

I'm a teacher at a middle school. We have pets so we're a bit unsure about that, we have 17 pets (2 cats, 3 dogs, 1 hamster, 1 ferret, 3 hermit crabs, 4 fish)

Do you think that we're old/ responsible enough to adopt?

Be honest.

Answer 1

I tell you I don't know why we have this notion in this country that you have to be nearly geriatric before you parent!

My amom was in her early twenties when she adopted, I don't question your age or occupation, I think the more important question is whether or not you have given yourself a clear picture of what adoption entails, it is not like having a bio, my favorite aparent forum is:

http://www.informedadoptions.com

you might also want to google "soul of adoption" for the triad gamut, and read adoptee blogs.

I think your ability to empathize and prepare yourself for the realities of adoption is more significant than age.

Answer 2

You are definitely old enough. In fact in my opinion you are a perfect age. Still young enough to run around after them and old enough to make wise parenting choices.  If the two of you have successfully raised so many animals together then you have taken the first baby steps towards parenting. Do the two of you share the responsibility's of the care of the animals? Notice how well as you work as a team in the regards to that and you will get a bit of an idea of how you will work together as parents. I would however think about narrowing down the amount of animals you have to care for once your child is in your life. A few animals is wonderful but it might be hard to control 3 dogs, etc with a small child around. Everyone will of course have to adapt to each other.

Also as a teacher I am sure you are aware of what is entailed to raise a healthy, happy child.  There are many issues that of course will arise as adoptive parents but nothing I am sure you can't handle.

You are a teacher, your fiance is a lawyer, you own a home and raise pets. You clearly are responsible, together people and I think there is a very lucky child waiting for you.

Answer 3

Joy M has given some great suggestions.

It's not about your ages - or financial position - or animals.

It's about how much of yourself you can give to an adopted child.

Adoptees often have greater needs than bio kids. They can have rejection & identity issues.

Think about it - kids want to stay with the mothers that they were born to. When choices are made for them - that they have no say over - it will have a life-long effect on them.

Please read read read read read read read read.

About BOTH sides of adoption.

For the adoptee and the first mothers - a great deal of loss is involved.

That needs to be acknowledged and should always be in the back of your mind.

I'll leave you with some blog addresses for you to check out.

Do your homework - be prepared for anything.

I wish you all the best.

http://www.honestyinadoption.org/

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://www.allmychildren-christine.blogs...

http://seriouslyjustme.blogspot.com/

Answer 4

The only person/people that can answer that is you two. Based on what your careers are yes financially you are ready.  My husband and I are starting the agency process etc, and I know from experience you will never be prepared for the long, hard and possibly heart breaking road ahead of

you.

Just a bit of advice, if a birth mom changes her mind, be supportive and understand her decision as it is a life changing one.  I am a birth mother and I am now on the other side of the table, so I know what both sides feel and it is hard.

Answer 5

Good for you for thinking 1st.  I would encourage you to be married at least 6 months before seriously starting the process.  You and your husband need to see each other in normal circumstances.  Believe me, when adoption stuff starts your whole sense of normal changes forever.  Paperwork, meetings, interviews, more paperwork and depending on what type of adoption money conversations.

Wait for those 6 months (at least 2 seasons) before you start the crazy process.  By then, you'll know you're ready.  And you'll both be prepared as a family for the new addition.

Answer 6

2+3+1+1+3+4=14

Answer 7

I feel like a missed something--you haven't even tried to have your own children--but you want to adopt?

Adoption is so complex, and really a very flawed insitution.  Please do some reading.

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton.

If you want to 'save' someone, why not do some charity work.  Big Brothers/Big Sisters, maybe fostering.

I see that you collect animals.  Human beings are very different than animals.  Children never recover from the loss of their mother.  Mothers are not replaceable.  No matter if you get them a 3 minutes old.

Please explore WHY you want to raise someone else's children before you have even tried to have your own.  There's something here...

That was sure to be unpopular--but honest.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

you sound as prepared as anyone could be.  But don't be too stuck on a time line for adoption. Some agencies want you to be married for a year or two before applying. Just to make sure its going to work. and there is no guarantee how it'll take for the whole process and how long before you actually get a child. Could be fast or sometimes it takes a few years.

Answer 9

The only ones that can answer that question is you. I would do all the research that i could on adoption. Being well-informed will help you if you decide to adopt.

Answer 10

If you are ready for the responsabilites of a child, it doesn't matter how old you are.  You sound responsible...you have 14 pets for crying out loud...all of which need caring and tending...you have a home, careers....

I am wondering why you are asking??????

Makes me think YOU don't think your ready?????

Answer 11

I don't think any of those are qualifications for adopting. When you look into adoption, please try putting the childs needs first. What will be the needs of the child brought into your home.

Books like "journey of the adopted self," by betty jean lifton,

primal wound, by nancy verrier, adoption healing, a path to recovery by joe soll

these could be really informative books to you that could help you better identify what your potential adopted child may be going through when he/she comes to you.

Thats great that you have a home, lots of pets, you're a teacher it sounds like you have the financial area squared away, but please put some focus on the emotional area and be prepared. Raising an adopted child isn't like raising a biological child, there are different experiences that leave profound impacts on adopted children and we turn to our primary caretakers to lean on for support so that we can heal through those traumas and go onto be adjusted, emotionally stable, functioning human beings.

peace and good luck!

Answer 12

I have two daughters, ages 5 and 3. You are never fully "prepared" for parenthood. If you are ready to love a child and devote your life to it, you are as ready as you ever will be. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 13

I think you should only adopt if you're 100% sure you're ready. It's such a huge commitment (as is having your own). The process of adopting is long and there may be many let-downs on the way. I think you need to want it more than anything and when you do, you'll know. You may want to keep your dogs and cats away from a baby, and make sure your ferret doesn't leave droppings in the house as this could make baby very ill.

Answer 14

You're old enough.  It's hard to say, with such little information and knowledge of your personalities if you're responsible enough.  I am concerned that you infer that you are not willing to commit to marriage unless you adopt.

The bigger question is, as you asked, "...are we prepared?"

Unless you have done your research about the effects on children of separation from their mothers & natural families and how to work with the children on attachment issues and previous traumas, you are not prepared.

Nurturing one's natural children is a huge responsibility and really ought to include a critical examination of how the parents themselves were parented.  Adoptive parenting is an even greater responsibility, as you would be parenting a traumatized infant or child.

Also be sure, once you are prepared and decide you want to proceed, that you ensure that your adoption is an ethical one.

Answer 15

Honestly, you should have your own children. There is no reason to be a party to the adoption horror show.

If for some reason you cannot, live a childfree life.

You are already helping children by being a teacher. If that isn't enough, then there are other ways to help children. There is no need to adopt.

Answer 16

I would listen to the adoptees on this one. Do your research. It was surprising to me how little information/education was provided for the adoption process to the adoptive parent. The homestudy process really concentrates on other areas such as basic parenting skills and if you're a child molester. Adoption is different than biological parenting in some ways especially if you adopt internationally or transracially. You should know if you are ready for these additional responsibilities. I also reccomend open adoption. I know it sounds scarier to the adoptive parent, but from what I've read, EVERYONE is happier in the long run, including the adoptive parent. Good luck.

Answer 17

That sounds pretty good to me, you sound as ready as anybody can ever be when they have kids.  If you're ready for the emotional turmoil, sleepless nights, etc etc, then I say go for it!  Good luck!

Answer 18

To be honest, and I really don't mean this to sound rude, but it's hard to know if you're prepared just by knowing your occupations and ages!

I don't think the pets would be an issue, I've got a dog and 2 cats, and they're great with my kids, they're all best friends!

I would reccomend that you do a lot of research into adoption, and what it entails, and also think about your emotional preparedness to have a child, as it's always a huge decision, and I don't honestly think anybody is ever prepared for parenthood until it hits!

Being a teacher, I'd say you have an 'edge', but I'm biased because I'm a teacher too, lol, and I do find that some prior experience with children helps a lot when you become a parent, but don't expect that you won't still feel the pain!!!

Just joking :=)   Seriously, it sounds like you're as prepared as you could ever be, but I would urge you to look into adoption, and the different 'ways' of going about it, before you make any final decisions.  I would personally reccomend foster care, as those are the kids who need you the most, and it's the most rewarding way I can think of of being a parent.  Good luck, hope that helps!

Answer 19

Yes, 26 is a perfect age to adopt! Some people think adoption is a bad thing,  But adoption is really a magical thing. I was adopted, When I was seven weeks old and I think it was really worth it. Little children out there are suffering and are orphans and they need a parent. I do not see why people shouldn't! As long as the pets stay in a separate room and far away from the child, The child will be fine. You both have an income and are earning quite a bit it looks like, so that issue is also fine. You look like are ready to adopt!

Answer 20

If you've thought about all the ways a child will change your life and schedule, if you've seriously thought about it, then yes, I think you're old enough.

Answer 21

omg ...first i would like to say so manyyyyy petssssss ..... im sure ure alright.... anyway's this age sounds like to b old & responsible enoug to adopt..but lol pls minimize the amount of pets

Answer 22

I don't know if anyone ever feels ready for parenthood LOL!  But from the little information you have given, it looks like you are ready to be parents

If you can handle kids in school, you can sure as heck handle one kid at home

There are thousands of kids on foster care who genuinely need a home, please don't overlook them

Answer 23

I had just turned 26 when we adopted our first child, and I think it was a very good age to become a parent. As long as you are both responcible, are financialy stable (you don't need to to wealthy), have a true desire to be parents, and are willing to explore and deal with the unique aspects of raising a child who has been adopted, then you should be fine.

You should know though, that most agencies/ programs require you to be married for a certain length of time before a couple adopts. This can range from 1-5 years, but I think for many domestic agencies it's only one or two.

Answer 24

Watch the ferret around the kiddies!