Thinking of adopting what do you think?

Question

we just lost are youngest son to being a micropreemie at 23 weeks, he was born and then died 1 1/2 h after!! we would like to have more but fear my life will be in jeperty as well as babys too.so no more baby that way , how soon should we satr looking at plases to adopt? we thought of being a foster mom and dad but then we got p/g and we said not at that time , i dont think i can now cuz if i had a kid baby that went back to her/ his mom /dad i could not handel a nother one being taken awy!! what do you think ?? any help will be helpful thank you

sorry for the spelling! i can't see to well

Answer 1

i dont really understand you but if you wanna adopt a kid, make sure you really want one and your not just getting one just to cover the death of your own child. Decide wisely. There maybe hope, pray. ;)

Answer 2

I think it would be a good idea to grieve your baby, for which I am so sorry about his passing. I also think that fostering is a nice idea because even if the child is returned to his/her parent(s), then you have been able to give that child love and a precedent on how life should be.

Answer 3

i think giving a child a loving mummy and daddy that wouldn't otherwise have on is a beautiful gift. good on you i think you should go for it! but make sure you don't do it until you are emotionally ready...... and just remember no other child will replace the little one you lost, my heart breaks for you and your situation.

Answer 4

Dear Kathy,

First, let me extend my deepest sympathies on the loss of your child. I am sure this is a very painful time for you and your family and I can imagine you have quite a lot weighing  on both your mind and your heart.

May I suggest that before you make any serious moves toward fostercare or adoption that you take time for yourself to grieve for your son and heal your family a little. Your tragedy is so fresh, and I know you are just bouncing ideas around, but I urge you to focus on yourself and your current family members for a small while. You owe it to yourself, your husband and your children; to be as well and emotionally stable as possible before taking on the challenges of fostering or adoption.

I saw in your profile that you have two boys who must be suffering also - not only from the loss of their brother but also from the sadness you and your husband must be experiencing right now. I do not know their ages but I hope that they are well and that you will consider their grieving process in your plans to expand your family. Children are very perceptive, even at an early age. Right now, they are probably dealing with both sorrow and confusion. Even at a young age they may perhaps even feel guilty that they could not prevent this from happening or be able to comfort you as you go through the grieving process. Please be sure that your children (and your husband) have the proper time to process what has happened before you become too serious about adding more children to your family.

It is also unfair to bring a child who will be traumatized and grieving his or her own situation into a household which is still dealing with its own tragedy.

If you need help with support for either you or your children, please contact Hospice in your area. They can recommend good resources for coping with death and have an excellent grief program for children.

As a final note, if and when you are ready, and do decide to grow your family through one of these methods, PLEASE, start by educating yourself as much as possible about ALL sides of your choice. The best way for you to go about having a healthy and ethical adoption or fostercare situation is to understand how complex and unique each of these things are and how they can effect you and your children.

I hope that your heart will heal some with time and that your family is blessed with only joy in the future.

Sincerely,

Kate

Answer 5

I'm very sorry about your son.

I wish there was something I could have done.

Adopting is a good thing to do!

A lot of children would like parents, or atleast great parents. I know you'll be able to do that, and make a child's life so much pleasing.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss and think that if you want to adopt you should.  But do not give up hope of having your own baby.  Last May I gave birth to our son at 24 weeks who sadly did not make it, and as you know it was heartbreaking.  Shortly after losing our precious boy I became pregnant again (planned).  The pregnancy was frightening as I was worried the whole time but it was so worth it.  In March I gave birth to a healthy baby girl, 6 weeks early but a healthy size requiring no medical intervention or help.  She is now a healthy 10 week old bundle of love.  She really has helped me in the healing process with the loss of our boy.  I will never stop missing him or feeling sad but having our daughter in my arms makes me feel a lot happier and whole.   I am glad I took the chance and now have this beautiful little person in my life.

I hope my story gives you a little hope.  I found 2 books helpful (I cannot remember the authors) Empty Arms, and Pregnancy After Loss.

Love and good luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

i think that is a wonderful idea but if i were you i'd try and adopt over seas. It's so hard to find a baby here in the states some people who are looking to adopt never get a baby.

Answer 8

im so sorry for the loss of your son!!!! i think adoption is wonderful thats what im going to do if i have another boy i want a girl so if we dont whenever we decide to try for another baby then im going to adopt maybe one or two kids. if your really wanting a baby soon you should probably start talking to some adoption agencies to get things started cuz adoption can take awhile it just depends some go fast and some go slow so you never know. but i am all for adoption. i was also going to do the foster parenting thing but it would be really hard to see a kid go back to the parents especially when you know that its not what is best for the child. i wish you the best of luck with adoption and i will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry about your son! I think it would be an amazing thing for you to do... completely selfless and you could help a child! They would fall in love with you and still keep in contact.

Answer 10

You got p/g?

Well, sorry about your son..

Anyway, adopting is a great concept or thing to do. You can make a child feel worthy and loved, give them everything they need and the love of parents that is essential for the growth and wellness of young individuals. Go for it. And if you do, more power to you. It indicates a good and kind heart.