Thirteen year old wanna-be poet. Please criticize.?

Question

These trite, tattered, ponchos and scarfs say p*ss and five bucks about me.

I cut my own lawn with silver nail clippers

Supported by short, grody fingers

That have been blistered pressing wire hangers downtown, Nebraska

and f*cked up real bad scraping pie crust drippings from the bottom of my landlord's gas oven.

I sweep the porch before I head off to Tulsa Welding School,

place's like a feild day scent, latex caricature.

Ovens claming, Tight wound metal devices,

like the guts of a clock,

tick-tockin'.

and studio girls and boys, gather because of collected pompous attitudes,

to share slick, icy gestures

lip-lockin'

without me.

Answer 1

its sounds pretty good! but let me offer you some helpful criticism =) poetry should be like a picture in your mind. as a poet you should try to draw a picture for your audience, because even though you know what you are talking about, we dont. lol so try using more describing words such as "bitter cold" "frosty grey" "desolate wasteland" (im using these types of words based on the feel i got from your poem).  if you dont mind, message me back and let me know your inspiration for writing poetry and i would love to help out =)

Answer 2

To me it feels like you are trying to hard. Dont force stanzas. Write what you know and Write your style. It may not be what you wanted it to be but that is what all true poets do.

Answer 3

Very descriptive, pretty good. Although I personally would replace the word "grody" for something slightly less juvenile. That is just my opinion, but otherwise, you are pretty good. Definatly Unique and totally original.

Answer 4

Wow! Are you sure you're only thirteen?! Seems like you have a lot of knowledge for a thirteen year old.

I like it. I think it's written very well for a thirteen year old.

Very nice!

Answer 5

i like it is from actual experience not that it actually matters i used to write long ago, well more of a song writer but I'm so rusty now. but anyways poetry is often about passion or emotions, so personal experiences are often the easiest and best to write about its all about perseverance and determination. If you ever plan to be in a text book or more available to the public i would lay off the f-bomb lol. Its no problem to me but many poets or critics find it as a weakness or lack of extensive vocabulary, which seems you truly do not have that problem. and the very essence of being an artist is being able to cope with criticism and learn to sometimes take advice. but most of all be yourself and write as you see and feel. From the heart to the hand, pours the soul of any desolate man. Just keep on don't let people hold you down stay strong