This Question is for Adoptive Parents?

Question

Hi Adoptive Parents :)

We all know that adoptees get involved in issues that directly affect them.

The question is: "Would YOU ever support rights for your adopted children? For example, would you attend demonstrations or write your legislators letters on their behalf? To what extent would you go? Why or why not?"

Are there any other thoughts you could contribute on this topic?

This question will eventually be going to vote, as I won't be selecting the best one.

Thank you very much,

julie j

Answer 1

We are not the enemy. :-) I love my daughter, want what is best for her, and acknowledge those things you describe are within my list. Going to demonstrations is tough-I live in a really rural area, am not rich enough for multiple plane tickets, and have 4 kids! But I am a vocal voter on a number of subjects and have reps calling me at home maybe 7 times a year when I get my hackles up and rip off a letter.  My daughter is welcome to all the information we have. I will help her search. Because I know how curious my 6 year old already is, I can only imagine how an adult adoptee would feel. So tell us what to do, but don't bash us over the head with it like we are all the enemy who are trying to thwart your efforts. We are really on your side because we love our children, more than life itself in most cases. But when we adopted we were often left in the dark, and yes maybe we should have done more research. But there is SO much research to do about adoption in SO many areas about SO many things and more if you adopt a special needs child, transracially, internationally, or from foster care. So enlighten us. Don't push us away with rhetoric and nick picking over language that some adopters don't use intentionally. I'd much rather work in concert for the best of the adoptees especially for the upcoming ones that haven't been really hurt and embittered by the system yet.

Answer 2

100% YES!  

As an adoptive parent, I know my daughter is facing a loss, and it pains me a great deal that I can't do anything but let her go through the grieving process.

I believe knowledge is power and I also find a whole lot of irony in my situation, where our adoption is called open, but I send the bmom letters and pics twice a year, but we get no correspondence in return (and I don't want to hear c**p about the bmom giving me her kid, what else do I want...parenting is a job, you can't just walk away from it)  .  There have been alot of insults flung at adoptive parents for wanting control; this is not about control, it is about this CHILD!  It is about providing them with knowledge and security so they don't grow up with a plethora of emotional issues.  It seems to me, the bparent is the one with the majority of control...she decides to place her child for adoption, then she can change her mind, then she can close the door so all contact is cut off.  I realize this is a painful decision, but once the deed is done, there are repercussions we must all face.  For the bmom, it is dealing with the life she has created, for adoptive parents, it means to accept that when you choose adoption you will be a non-traditional family, for the adoptee it is the effect of the loss.

If the bmom doesn't want a face to face relationship for all of eternity, that is fine, that is her choice, but she should at least be available through writing even if it is via the agency.  Only then could you call an adoption open and that is the change I would most like to see (along with having access to birth certificates and records at age 18)

Answer 3

Of course I'd support the rights of our adopted daughter.  I support the rights of ALL our children.  Why would I single out the one we adopted and refuse to support her?  She's as much our child as any of the others.

Answer 4

WIthout a doubt I would support me son. I feel blessed that we have a lot of things he might need or want. We got his OBC before the was sealed. WE have a 30 page social and medical history on BOTH parents. We are in contact with his bio family. The have 20 ways of contacting us , should we lose track of eachother. And then when hi was in tehh NICU I snooped in his chart and found out thing that were being hidded and it helped up facilitate his PT and healthcare.

SO I know those this won't be an issue for him, but It's sad that it is for so many people. Even if he wasn't interested, I might do it on my own.

I support them through everything, unless it is completely against my morals and was harmful to them or others. You know like a pro-cannibalism movement.

Answer 5

I will be a new adoptive parent this year, and of course we would dol anything to support the rights of our children, for areas we felt were important.  I think all parents have to be politically active for their children, which includes for me making sure there are fair adoption laws, but also to make sure Canada keeps universal health care, subsidized eduation, and any other thing we get involved with, but moreoever we want to ensure our "activism" doesn't take too much time away from our primary role as nurturers.  I have seen this happen where people are so busy being activists or doing charity (all good things) that they don't have time for the kids they are doing it for.

Answer 6

Although my daughter does not have the identity issues that some of the adoptees here do, I would absolutley support her should she ever want to advocate for other adoptees rights.

Answer 7

If I felt that my adoptive kids were in need of rights- of course I would support them, and write and demonstrate. However my children do not seem to need any rights different then the ones they already have- I am adopted as well as being an adoptive parent.  To me , and I will repeat- to me, there are no issues that have come up with us.

Answer 8

Yes, I definitely support legislation giving adoptees rights they don't currently have.  I would definitely be in support of any laws that open records and help to prevent coersive or unethical adoption practices.  I'm hoping to be able to go to the rally in New Orleans in July.  I also see my role as supporting my daughter in the future (she's only 2 now) in deciding to what extent she wants to get involved and becoming involved with her in whatever way she wants.

Answer 9

I think you will find that most adoptive parents will feel the same here.................We must put our children first, and ourselves second.  Most of us have been through couseling ourselves with social workers prior to placements. We understand that there will come a time when our children have some serious questions about their "identity". The more we become advocates for adoption, the easier it will be all around. The more "open" we allow our relationships to be with birthparents, (in most situations), the better for the child. (I do not support openess in cases of abuse, etc.) however, there are ways such as "Lifebooks" to give the child a certain piece of information about what their lives were prior to placement, this is a critical tool for them.

I have rambled on here, the key point here is that at some point, the states need to rewrite their laws with the adoptee in mind, not the birth parents, or adoptive parents. Again, we must put ourselves second, and the child first. YES, I would support my child in whatever way I could.

Answer 10

I would and I have.  

I am Australian and when there was an federal enquiry in to adoption a few years ago my husband and I put forward a submission addressing what we saw as injustices and inequality in adoption.  We did this despite the fact that speaking out may have jeopardised our chance to adopt.

I have also been to talk with our local state and federal members of Parliament and written to other members of Parliament to advocate for change.  As we have recently had a change of government I will be going to visit our new members in the near future.

My daughter is only 2 but I'm not sure that I could look her in the eyes as an adult if I had not done everything I could to make the system more equitable, open and honest for her and for everyone involved (biological, adoptive or otherwise).

Answer 11

Absolutely.  That is one of the primary reasons I'm still here in this category.  To try and learn from others about topics that may be important to my son in the future.

You asked to what extent would I go....I would support any right that does not harm him in any way just as I will support any decision that he chooses that is not illegal or harmful.  To explain, I will support any right that does not cause him personal harm or put him in danger due to his original situation prior to his adoption....Just as I would support him if he tells me he is homosexual, etc.  However, I would not support something that would open him up to harm such as bio parents having access to his records (because of the harm that was done prior to adoption) just as I would not support his choice if he chose to sell drugs, etc.  Regardless of what he chooses in life, I will always love him and be here for him.  I hope that makes sense when I try to explain it.  

The perception a lot of times in this category is that we adoptive parents are all about how adoption benefits "US".  I think if people would talk to us respectfully without accusations, you would find that most adoptive parents love their children unconditionally and would do anything in their power to support anything that will make things better for their child.  Open records, OBCs, etc., all fall into that category in my opinion.  

I would most certainly be standing next to my son at a demonstration - if that is what he chooses to do.  I just feel that it should be his choice - not something forced upon him - and not a choice of the bio family in "some situations" of abuse or neglect (such as was his case).  

I think I probably didn't explain myself very well.  The point I'm trying to make is that if it is beneficial and not harmful to my son, ABSOLUTELY would/will I support it/him!  : )

Thank you for asking the question and allowing us to have a positive voice also.  : )