This doesn't make sense?

Question

I was raped a year and a half ago. I was a virgin (and had a boyfriend of 9 months that I wouldn't go all the way with), I was fooling around with him (he fingered me and stuff) so my pants were off and then he just stuck it in. He didn't listen when I screamed no over and over again. He stuck a pillow over my face. I was young and confused and ended up GOING OUT with the guy for 2 weeks after it happened (WTF?). I acted like things were fine. In my head I knew what happened, and I told 3 of my friends. I still break out crying when me and my boyfriend are having s*x and the wrong thing crosses my mind. It's scary ya know?

Today something sucky happened. I saw HIM for the first time since that all happened. I was stranded, my ride was no where to be found, and my phone was dead so I was just walking around town. He walked up to me with his friend and I talked to him, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. We walked around town for 20 minutes. I talked to him on the phone tonight.

I wanna tell him how much I hate him. He asked me if he raped me and after a few moments of silents I said "uh uh" (no). In my head I was screaming YES! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! I HATE YOU! Why would I talk to him? Am I that much of a ****** pushover that I can't even stick up for myself to the guy who RAPED me? Have you ever heard of anything like this? I feel like such a freak.

Answer 1

i think even though u despise the guy for what he did, u cant bring urself to be assertive about it, it may be cuz ur passive, or maybe deep down u liked it? o.O; (just puttin that out there) but how did he ruin your life? u went on with ur life afterwards? u didnt get pregnant? do u have feelings for the guy? so many things are possible to y u reacted this way. All you told us is that he raped you, you havent givin information on how this past trauma is affecting you, what problems it has caused since, or what your current feelings are other than you feel like a push over.

I havent had a rape experience, but i have always tried to impress my dad after having him make me feel neglected for most of my life, no matter what i couldnt get his attention an yet i still strive to have him say he is proud of me, does that make me weird? Its human nature to strive for ones attention or to point out faults in ourselves or regret the past. Its hard to change who you are an sometimes you can even get confused about who you are, why you feel certain ways etc.

Anyways im just gonna say you need to tell the guy that you felt that he did rape you and how you feel about him. Nothing says you have to get violent or cuss. Honestly problems are easier solved in a calm respectful manner than a brute violent one.

Answer 2

No you aren't a *****, your just still a bit vulnerable and scared and maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give hime your number again,

You shouldn't ever let guys take advantage of you.

We are learning about this at school and on one of the sites we visited it said that it was completely wrong (hey you don't need me to say so) but yeah, I really don't think getting with hims that wise, ecspecially if you still hate him as much and ecspecially since he can't even remember what a horrible thing he did to you.

You should have back up friends/adults/people that you trust to get you out of these dangerous situations and always charge your phone beforehand.

Answer 3

well it really doesnt. you hate the guy yet you wanted to talk to him. and no, your not a freak. and dont let people walk all over you. you shouldve said yes. he probably might have said something to make you feel better even though he probably doesnt mean it.

Answer 4

no, you're not a freak

i think you are insecure and afraid to state your oppinions so people (if your BF did it then you act the same around others too so they too treat you the same) push you around and you're personality isn't strong enough to say no, so you just go along with everything

there are milions of people out there (both teen and adult) with the same lack of confidence, you just had the bad luck to run into a selfish spoiled moronic bully who (as most of that kind do) knew how to take advantage of your weakness.

you say you were fooling around with him, it sounds to me more like he was using you as a toy with wich he could do whatever he wanted and you just let him. the fact that he put a pillow over your face just shows that he doesn't care about your feelings whatsoever and is only using you.

YOU SHOULD NOT START SEEING HIM AGAIN!!!

when he asked you did he rape you just shows that he knows he hurt you and that it was wrong, he just doesn't give a f***!!! so you should tell him to go to h**l, if he still has some effect on you (i got that impression, even that you're still in love with him, forgive me if i'm wrong) you should call him, tell him he's just a coward wich he really is and then change your phone number so he can't disturb you no more.

don't meet with him unless you have to but when you do don't run or in any way let him know he still affects you. he is what all bullys are - a coward - he needs to feel he has power over people, that he intimidates them, thats why he raped you in the first place

once again, PEOPLE ONLY HAVE AS MUCH POWER OVER YOU AS YOU LET THEM HAVE, SO DON'T LET HIM HAVE ANY!!!!

now that it's already happend, i think it's a good idea for you to join a support group and you should definitely tell your mum, sister (a female family member that supports you the most) and your current BF (if there is one)

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY NO AND DON'T LET PEOPLE CONTROL YOU!!!

i wish you all the best and hope i helped :-)

Answer 5

it takes courage

i was raped and i promised the next time i saw him i would tell him how much i hated him and that he should rot in h**l, but when i saw him i just froze.

figure out exactly what u wanna say to him and say it, even if your nevous as h**l and your voice is shaky.

Answer 6

Basically you like the idea of him "playing rough" with you when you're more in control of how it happens.  You just didn't like the way it actually happened because things happened beyond your control, which is what rape is, in this context.  Since it turns out to be a rape, in effect, that label does have effects on one's life.  And yet you still enjoyed talking to him on the phone.

I've run into that myself.  When I was in high school, I had a crush on the bully who used to pick on me.  I was a magnet for bullies at one point, like my spirit called out to others to come and abuse me.

Your spirit always draws the experiences to you that your mind has set up.  If you were raped, this doesn't mean it was your fault, though.  It just means that experiences in life result in interactions between the body and spirit that keep experiences away from you that you don't want until such time as you're ready to have them.  The fact that you were raped and that you didn't like it is simply a part of growing up as a human, as cold as that sounds to hear and even for me to type it.  It's an experience that has resulted from a "booboo" in how the automated processes in your brain have interpreted the combination of signals from your body and spirit.  The emotions felt through this experience, however, teach your soul a lot about what all went wrong when building your experience for, reducing the likelihood of a repeat offense of the same type.

This is also why you cannot bring yourself to scream those words to him that he ruined his life.  Your own spirit guided you over that hump in your life, and your spirit and his spirit are friends.  Increasing the enmity between your spirits would not serve either of you, and on a higher level the both of you know this, which is why the relationship is going the way it is.  It makes you feel like a freak because it seems so bizarre that you could continue to hang around someone who did something to you that society says is bad.

Think back over the experience and explore it many, many times.  It may feel wrong to explore it, but do it anyway.  Even pretend you're a pervert and got off on the whole thing if you have to, just to force your mind to explore the situation from every possible angle.  Then imagine it as an outside observer.  Pretend you're this guy doing this act upon yourself.  Just look at it until you're sick of it.  Think about your true feelings about what happened.  Did you first hate it and realize you were being raped, or did you recognize what he was doing as rape, then start hating it after you remembered the definition.  The sequence of events in your mind is important for deciphering how your brain is perceiving an event so you can figure out how to undo for yourself any psychological impact you think has affected you.  Just exploring that scene like I suggested should have helped some.

If you still like talking to him, continue to talk to him.  I really think the spirit guides us by "putting us in the mood" to do certain things.  If you're in the mood to be with him, even after a rape, do it.  See what happens.  It might not have been a rape to him.  Sometimes people misinterpret signals and he might have thought your screams and cries of "no" were comical in the same way they're comical when someone is being tickled mercilessly on the living room floor.  I don't know.  I was't there, obviously.  You'll just have to accept what you want of this, and discard the rest. :-)

Damaeus

Answer 7

Change your phone number on your cell phone and have nothing more to do with him.. Tell your mother.. you can have him arrested if you want to go to the police.. Tell your present BF what happened he will understand better why you act traumatized.. and get help from a self help group of girls and women who were raped. Often the councellor there is a woman and quite often the councellor does this work at a self help center for rape victims because she too, was a victim of either molestation or rape...  and the girls and women there will all have a similar story as yours they all were molested or raped and you will just be amongst females and you can talk about what happened and they will tell their story and the councellor there has psychological knowledge and will try to help all of you to be able to come to terms with what happened.. and then you can go on and live your life.. it will leave a scar but your life won't be ruined if you go and talk to those people. look in the yellow pages.. Self help groups for rape victims are in every bigger town and they can even become friends and are all very supportive to one another as you all share the same fate.. you were all victims of rape.. x*x Talk about it and you will feel better.. you will find closure and you should tell your mom and your BF as if he loves you he is worried and he will support you and understand you a lot better if he knows why you have problems .. if he knows you were raped. x*x

Answer 8

JuJu you are not a freak. You could benefit from Rape Crisis Counseling and maybe some ongoing therapy to help you cope with the sexual assault and your responses to it.

Stay away from this man.

Go get some support, you need it. You are worth it.