This goes to the whos been adopted and how long have you known question?

Question

i went back to look at others answeres and noticed that all of us that had something negative to say or said we didnt want to know our biological parents got a thumbs down..why is this..unless you have been through it know what we know or have found out then what gives you the right to judge?

Answer 1

many people just dont understand the whole process. i personally found my birthmother and im very happy i did.

i think if you are curious and want to you should, but if you are not and are comfortable not knowing, then no one has the right to judge you

possibily the thumbs down may come from birthparents that come here to try to relieve their mind about the decision they made, and you not wanting to find your birthfamily hurts them

you have to understand, that is not an easy choice they made and most make it for selfless reasons, they know they cant provide for the baby and they deserve a better life. it may be the right choice, but it doesnt make it any easier for them to live with from day to day. especially if they eventually get their life on track and could handle a baby years later.

let those people give all the thumbs down they want, the decision is yours, nobody has the right to look down on you for your choices, just like no one has the right to look down on the choices they made in their life

Answer 2

Those who truly do not understand adoption tend to think that all adoptees have a good experience or come from background where the parents made a loving choice to place there children.  This just isn't the case as you have point out.  Not everyone has a desire or wants to search and that's ok as well.

Answer 3

I can only assume that whoever is giving the thumbs down is looking for some kind of validation for their own views. What I didnt add to my own answer to that question - my brother and I have never felt any need to look for our biological parents, even when we were teenagers and constantly arguing with our real parents. We were raised by two fantastic people

And yes, they are our real parents....our biological parents gave up any right to that title long ago. It doesnt matter how nice they are, how much they miss us or how much they have turned their lives around since then, they are not our parents

But as "Orion" says, not everyones experience is the same. While I was very fortunate others have been less so

Answer 4

Unless you've been through it, you have no right to judge. My husband was put up for adoption when he was 18 months old. He is now 31 and lives with the question of "why?" every day of his life. He doesn't dwell on it or anything, but I know deep down it bothers him. He just would like to know what happened. How is it that the woman who gave birth to him and raised him for 18 months suddenly decided to give him away? Now the adoption is closed and he has no legal rights to find out any answers and I think it is extremely unfair. It was his life too, so why doesn't he have the right to know?

Answer 5

I am a bio parent ( I did not give my son up, I gave him more) I am not the least bit offended to be called one either. I am also a parent to 3 girls and I know I did the right thing by allowing a loving couple to become parents to my child. Others opinion are just that, opinions. Not everyone here will agree, but I wish those who have not experienced the question should not answer or rate a comment.

Thumbs up or thumbs down. I am confident in myself to not care about the opinion of ignorant persons.

Answer 6

very true i feel awful when people discount me because I am adopted i mean its not my fault I was a helpless baby at that time

sometimes i wish i had known my mom her name is/was Maria Gooseman although i doubt anyone has heard of her she was poor and probably left to go look for a better life in another country and she did not have the means to take care of me

a lot of people always thank the hero's well parent that gave their kids up for adoption are hero's also because the gave up their own child so that the child good have a better life than them and I think that, that is very noble of them

Answer 7

Why would anybody bash adoption? I am adopted and it was arranged before I was born. I have no interest in my bio parents other than medical history. My adoptive parents are great and I couldn't ask for better. My adopted bro is great and I couldn't ask for better. My bios let me go for a reason and I repect that. I couldn't give a hoot what others think about it. I have other more pressing problems like what to answer next.

Something else to consider is that many adopted kids are probably the result of an unplanned pregnancy...thus comes the adoption part.  I do know that my bio parents were unmarried, and that it was an affair that went bad. I am glad I wasn't born into that.  Yes, I am adopted and I am pro-adoption, but I could easily have been aborted as another option, and I'm ok with that, too. I am also pro-choice. Sometimes I am even pro-abortion. So next time you wanna feel all bad about why, why why didn't they want me?? At least they didn't want to terminate you. That should make you feel better and ought to get me a thumbs down or two.

Answer 8

I am an adult adoptee and I recently fond my birth parents. I occassionally email with my birth mother but after the initial contact with my birth father there has been no more. I wanted to know the story of me and what happened. That's all I wanted. B-mother can never be my "mom". Not that she wants to anyway. She has her own family just like I have mine. But I respect any adoptee's decision whether they want to find or not find ther bio parents and i agree that unless you are adopted you can never know how we feel or how we think. By the way, I grew up knowing I was adopted. But it was always something my parents and I  could talk openly about.

Answer 9

l don't know, l don't get that either!  l've never had a 'relationship' with my bio 'parents', and l go so far as to not call them my parents, they are the people who had me!  Don't get me wrong, they're both nice people, and after they sought me out, l never thought about ignoring them or anything.....l have no resentment toward them whatsoever.....but they're not my parents!  What's wrong with saying so?  How would people with bio parents feel if we came along and told them their parents weren't 'real', and they should aknowledge someone else as thier mom and dad?  Don't worry about the ones giving thumbs down, they're probably on some kind of crusade or something!