This has been bugging me. Why not get married before TTC?!?

Question

I mean, waiting to have s*x before marriage is one thing. I don't believe in that. I'm just so tired of people starting off with "my boyfriend and I are TTC" or vice versa. If you cannot even make the commitment of marriage, how can you commit to having a child together?

Imagine years from now when your child asks you "Was I an accident because you weren't married?" How heart wrenching is that going to be?

I am not a religious person, but I believe that children deserve not to be "accidents." Even if you are planning, not being married shows a lack of maturity.

To everyone who is currently TTC with their husbands or wives, BABY DUST to you all, I'm currently on month 8.

Answer 1

I sorta agree with you but then again if your financially and emotionally ready then why not. Some people don't ever want to be married, and it's not about commitment issues. I wasn't trying, I was on birth control, I'm pregnant by my boyfriend and we are getting married. So the biggest thing I disagree on is it being an "accident" if you aren't married. My little baby wasn't planned but from day one it's been an amazing blessing and surprise far from accident.

Answer 2

am sorry but i think that's a Little mean because think about if you were in there shoes and really want to have that Little one and what if marriage didn't existed ..

Answer 3

funny enough I'm unmarried and have a 8 day old...

we do not live in the 1900's you know... everyone has there own opinions on how they want to run there own lives....

But the thing is - what happens if they dont want to get married as there not that insecure to have that EXPENSIVE piece of paper? pretty silly dont you think.

A bigger commitment is a child not marriage, grow up and live in the current century  

Answer 4

i disagree with this..i have been with my now fiance for about 6 years and we are planning to get married next year..we are now in the process of ttc. we are financially stable (im a nurse he is a radiologist) and we are fully able to support a child.I would tell my child that his mommy and daddy wanted a baby and we wanted u to be at our wedding i i become pregnant before I am married.

p.s. i think its rude to only give baby dust to just husbands and wives.

*************Loads of baby dust to us ttcers***************8

Answer 5

Maybe some people don't like the idea of marriage.  I met my partner in my 30s and I don't want to be an "old" bride.  Marriages are also very expensive.  Plus my family is on the other side of the world and I know I would miss them if I was to get married here.  It would not be that fun.

However I really wanted to be a mother, no matter how old so we conceived.

Sorry about your opiniated views.

Answer 6

Not being married and TTC does NOT necessarily show a lack of maturity.  I work with women everyday who have cancer and some are not married or even have boyfriends.  They are trying to conceive b/c after they undergo aggressive treatments of chemo or radiation, they will not be able to after the fact.  

There are also other situations where the women would like to have a child without having a man involved.  The same holds true with men not wanting to be involved, but willing to donate their sperm.  Statistics show that children raised by a single parent are just as happy and successful as children raised by two.  

I understand what you mean, b/c it is easier to raise a child when their are two involved, but I think it's unfair to pass judgement when you're on the outside looking in.  You just don't know what their personal situation is.  Not to mention, not everyone believes in marriage and there is certainly nothing wrong with that, being that the divorce rate in this country is over 50% now a days.

Answer 7

I would just like to add that sometimes mother nature does not wait for a ring.  I am in my 30's and TTC.  I will be a single mother and I am ok with that.  I am actively TTC so when I do there is no way that it can be said that my child was an accident.  There are many single parents by choice and I plan to be one of them.  I have a friend who had a very expensive wedding b/c she wanted to be married before she had a child.  Well her and her husband were in divorce court when the baby was 3 months old.  She admitted that all she wanted from him was the baby so what makes her decision to waste all that time and money on a wedding for a marriage that lasted less than a year better than mine to just proceed with my plans to conceive while I am single?

Baby Dust to all TTC, married, single, divorced and same s*x couples!!

Answer 8

So what do you have to say, when people get married have kids, and then get divorce? Its pretty much the same thing. Just beacuse your married doesnt mean it will be forever, people change, FYI Marrige is a commitment and there are thousands of people getting divorce. This question was dumb!!!!

Answer 9

Some people don't believe in marriage, you don't have to be married to be in love and committed.

Answer 10

well i had my daughter when i was 18 and she is deff NOT an accident. its everyones personal opinon on whether or not they want to marry. and dont judge me by my age cuz for some reason lots of ppl want to judge by age. i may only b 18 but me and my bf r doing alot better than most older adults. my mom is 36 and doesnt support my younger brother and doesnt even have a job. shes more of a teen than me. i am very responsible and im a very good mom. marriage is just a pieve of paper. i dont need that to show that i love my bf. we love our little daughter more than n e thing. its rude that u only wish baby dust to married couples. HOW RUDE??!!!

well...*********BABY DUST********2 ALL PPL TTC***********

  this POST SUCKED!!!!!! UR MEAN!!!!\

   CONGRATZ....

Answer 11

While I can see your side and I can also see the side of unmarried parents. People understand the consequences of what can happen when they have s*x. Whether they are married or not. Some choose to remain unmarried, and have children, and some do not. I have a cousin who is unmarried and chose to have all 3 of her children with man who has been her life-long partner for 32 years. To them legalities don't matter. To their children it doesn't matter. And BTW.. NO child is an accident, whether they were born to married or unmarried parents. Every child conceived was meant to be whether the parents involved had planned the pregnancy or not. Every child conceived is a blessing. I don't believe anything happens without purpose. Call it Kama, Kismet, Fate, Ordained. Everything happens for a reason. And why people make choices it's their business. Well that's my two cents.  

Answer 12

I think your post is a load of c**p. My son is 15 and I got pregnant with him before we were married. He isn't and has never been a mistake. I have been married for 16 years now. So I say to all the people out there if you want to have a baby and your both mature and stable in your relationship to have a baby then go for it. Don't listen to posts that people put on here cause they are having a bad day. Everyone that is ttc will have their good days and bad days. I know how you feel it took me almost 5 years to get pregnant with my 2nd child. I went to the infertility clinics and did the clomid and shots for over a year with no luck. Just trust in god and have faith it will happen...

Answer 13

oh you make me so mad!

My PARTNER and i are expecting our first bub in 4 weeks and arent married or even engaged! oh wow how did that make you feel? Does this mean our baby is a mistake because mummy and daddy arent married? He absolutly was not a mistake! We planned the whole thing. We personally dont believe in marriage. Marriage is a piece of paper! There are plently of relationships out there that hang on wait for it, last longer than a marriage! Some people just cant do marriage. Its not for everyone.

What is wrong if the mum and dad have a stable house hold to bring the baby up in, if they rent or have their own house they are paying off (which we are currently paying our house off). As long as the baby is happy healthy warm and has a full tummy what is your problem!!!

Answer 14

Everyone is different. Maybe they have plans of getting married. You dont know.

Good luck to you and everyone else TTC. Hubby and I are 3 1/2 years of trying. =] Baby dust to everyone =]  

Answer 15

It isn't heart wrenching at all to ask if one is an accident. My two sisters are 10 and 12 years older than me. Couple years ago I realized I may have been an accident. I simply asked my dad. It didn't hurt my feelings at all. (My parents were going on 20 years of marraige and I was STILL an accident.)

  Think about all those other poor kids that have to go through their parents getting divorced! I think THAT shows a lack of maturity. Spend all that money on the wedding, get all the families together for NOTHING!

  Good luck with your marriage... I hope you are one of the 40% that actually makes it.  

Answer 16

I think its pretty judgemental of you to being saying this. I married and TTC but that does not make me any better than those that are not married that are TTC. If they are planning to have the baby that's better than not planning.. Being married is not a requirement for having babies, last time i checked.. I was unmarried when I became preggo with my daughter and I never once thought of her as a mistake.. and my husband and I got married because we needed that piece of paper for insurance and other legal reason aswell. But if someone does not want to have that piece of paper.. that is their business. Its better than getting married and than just divorcing shortly there after... I get more upset by the ones that are not planning it and abort.. Get of you soap box and leave these happy TTC unmarried people be!

Enough Said!