This is a little embarrasing, but, in children, how old is too old to m********e?

Question

My daughter is nine and has been doing this since she was 4. At four, I knew it was normal, and now it seems to be four or five times a day. And she doesn't seem to even notice she's doing it. In the store, at the resturant, on the couch in front of her step dad and three year old sister, it doesn't seem to matter. But she is VERY embarrased when I bring it up to her. Normally I wouldn't mind, but the amount in which she is doing it, the public affairs it turns into, and her age all worry me. Is there something I am not seeing? Is she trying to tell me something? I can't get her to admit she is doing it, so it makes it hard to talk to her about it. Can you help?

Answer 1

It is very common for children of all ages, both girls and boys, to m********e and, in itself, is nothing to worry about.  However, doing it in public and in front of you, her stepdad and her sister is, at her age, not really acceptable.  Try telling her that if she wants to m********e then you do not mind, but she must do it in private in her bedroom (assuming she has her own bedroom) or in the bathroom.

You could also try agreeing a coded phrase with her that both you and her stepdad could use when you see her masturbating inappropriately requesting her to stop.  Make it something unrelated to the activity eg, '(child's name) your shoes need cleaning', so that hopefully she won't feel embarrassed about it.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

you shouldnt allow her to do that you need to talk to her she may be getting touched and shes trying to tell you but is too afraid and in public shes trying to get help from whoever she can talk to her take her to a doctor to check if she has any bruises inside there  

Answer 3

Your daughter might be exposed to phornographic materials, and the fact that she is doing it in her very young age is pretty alarming....

you should, you know, talk to her and watch out, she might try having s*x=(

Answer 4

sorry but i wouldnt had allowed it from day one.  I am not a prude but i really think that its down to a parent to correct inappropriate behavior in a child. Stop her now, it is not a nice thing to be doing in public....if not only for the hygiene!  Please stop her

lol thumbs down so!!

Answer 5

lady...what kind of question is that!? consult a doctor...like f****n eh its embarrasing!

Answer 6

this sounds like something to be checked out, this goes beyond "normal". Seek help for her .  

Answer 7

In her room is normal, but touching yourself in public is a lewd conduct.  Just tell her the truth!!  Tell her the truth.

Here is a good behavior modification tactic.  Make a list of things she likes to do.  Watch a movie, go outside to play with a friend... whatever she likes to do.  If she breaks a rule (including the rule that she is not allowed to touch her privates in public) cross one of the things off on the list and she loses that privilege for the week.

Don't say anything, don't argue with her (she gains control when that happens), just smile and cross it off.  Eventually she'll learn that if she does that she will lose privileges if she doesn't shape up.

You're the parent!  

Answer 8

what the ****?

4 year olds dont m********e and neither do most 9 year olds

Answer 9

Talk to your family doctor. There may be a physical reason.

Answer 10

When we work with kids, in terms of sexual stuff we talk about "what's within the limits of normal sexual behaviour".  I think that this would probably be right at the end of it - i.e. it could be totally normal and innocent (more likely) or it could indicate something else.  Either way, it is really normal for her to not want to talk to you about it, she's probably old enough to know that it's not quite right, but if it's a subconscious reaction then she also might not know how to stop.  

Are you guys in a position to afford to get her to see some kind of therapist at least once, or is there one at her school ?  A good therapist will be able to talk to a kid and not put any ideas into their head or anything, and just see how healthy their attitudes towards s*x are or if there could have been anything that happened - or if it's just a subconscious thing.  They would then be able to help you formulate an action plan to stop the behaviour, and if there was anything that needed to be addressed address it.

If you guys aren't in a position to afford a therapist, enlist the help of a responsible older female that both you and her trust, and just get her to have a chat to her and let her know that she can always talk to her without actually talking about the masturbation.  Then with your daughter, have a chat to her about how that's something that's okay to do when she's by herself - but it's really not okay to do it around other people because it might make them feel yucky or make her unsafe.  Then make up a special code word that just you and her know, I don't know, something like "Barbie", and when you are with her and you see her doing it you can just tell her that word to let her know that she's doing it and that it's a good idea to stop.  Keep this to just you, don't make it a family thing.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of dealing with this and keeping it in perspective, good luck !