This is a long question, but i need help!!?

Question

I have dated and lived with a guy for about two years...he proposed to me last September, so we've been engaged about a year. We'd talked about marraige before that, but after he proposed it didn't seem like we were as excited about the idea.

We've had some troubles...he's screamed and cussed at me, even pushed me...things escalated and i ended up cheating on him, told him that day and he forgave me. I just don't feel like we are where we need to be in order to get married. A couple weeks ago, we discussed this and we decided to call off the wedding and engagement (we were supposed to get married on 12/12/08). I don't know if i made the right choice...we made the mutual decision to call it off, but it was b/c i brought it up. I do love him very much and i know that he loves me...we are moving out and living seperately in the next couple weeks...it seems like the more we talk about him getting his own apartment, the better we get along. I have been in a seriously relationship for this long and i'm just pushing 20, so in reality...it seems longer. I just don't know if we've exhausted every way to try and make it work. Like i said, i love him, but the attraction and the passion aren't there like they were. I don't know what to do...i can't hardly even concentrate at work b/c i keep thinking about this.

Also...he has a kid, obvisouly after living with him for 2 years i love him and treat him like he is my kid...i don't know how to cope with not having him around either...

please help!

Answer 1

You are young... if you both love eachother and want to work out your differences there is no need to get married just because you're already engaged.. Stay engaged and work on things in the meantime until you can confidently decide whether you want to go through with it or not. I've been engaged for 5 years =) I'm still not ready to tie the knot ...

Answer 2

anyone that pushes you doesnt love you. been there done that. also, when u meet the right person, you will both know it. there wont be hot one day cold the next. ppl dont believe that until they experience it for themselves. my husband and i knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together instantly. we dont cuss eachother or beat eachother. we have these things called LOVE and RESPECT for eachother.

Answer 3

While it is hard to walk away from someone you love and have been with for years, it may also be the best thing for you.  Marriage is very difficult as it is, let alone going into it with a bag of issues.  Take your time apart and see where things go.  You may find that the two of you work better as friends and that you actually get along better this way.  It is better to call off the marriage than to end up divorced in a few years or less.  Things always find a way to work themselves out.  Good luck and do whats best for you.

Answer 4

Welcome to married life!

These are the type of decisions you're gonna have to make together once you get married. If you all are second guessing this descision you may need to postpone the wedding for a while.

p.s. That's why my Mom told me to wait til I was 30! Of course, by then I was already filing for divorce.

Answer 5

You are very, very young to be getting married. It sounds like he is your high school sweetheart, and as much as you loved each other as teenagers, there just may not be enough maturity there yet to sustain an adult, lifelong, marriage.  If you are already fighting, pushing, cheating...then you are doing the right thing in calling off the wedding.  I would suggest getting out there in the world, meeting new people, gaining life experience, growing up, seeing the world, having adventures, and sewing your oats before you get married!  If you can...go to college, get educated, have fun.  What you're going through now is too heavy for your age.  If you are meant to be together, you'll find your way back to each other, when you both have matured.  But...maybe there is someone else you're meant to be with!

By the way, once you are married don't expect the passion, the romance, and the excitment to last forever.  Love will last forever if you want it to and work hard, friendship will last forever if you want it too, and you will have highs and lows with romance and passion...but you have to realize that marriage is not a fairy tale...expect it to have ups and downs.  Be ready for hard times and go into marriage with open eyes.