This is a poem I wrote could you please tell me if you like it?

Question

If you like it please say why

If you don't also please say why

He whispers into my ear/ If I am your hero, then you are my heroine/ The most powerful I have ever seen/His words make me squirm/ My stomach is turning/ His words are sinking in my skin/ Like a tattoo or sin/If only he knew the truth/ The various lies he has been told by me/ I love you/ There is no other man/He kiss my neck/ He whispers in my ear/ That as long as I am around he has nothing to fear/Oh he is quite right/ I am a brand of heroine/ but not kind that rides with heroes/ I am the kind that drags you down/ gets its hold/ and never ever lets go/I am the kind that destroys life/ the sort that with one kiss/ you'll never want to leave/ I pulse through your veins/ I make you lose all fear/ I am the heroine and I am the villain

Answer 1

Technically speaking, it's sufficient. The poem is very dark, though. I wish more talented and poetic people would channel their writing powers into some more uplifting poetry, all this emo stuff is getting old quickly. One more thing, if I wrote the poem, I would change the tense from the present to the past. So many poems are written in the present tense it seems a little tired.

Answer 2

yeah it is still okay, you've asked this 4 times now  

Answer 3

i think its quiet complicated and the rhymes dont go well,i could help you write one prolly...since its to a guy make it more simpler and to the point.

Answer 4

Are you using the word 'heroine' as if it was 'heroin'?  I'm sure you are, so you need to change the spelling in this poem and then, unless you are reading this poem to some-one, you will give the game away straight away....you cannot keep 'heroine' as it is a misspelling in the sense you are using it.

Sorry

Answer 5

i don't exactly understand it, but its cool (oh and dont worry when i say i dont understand it, i dont get a lot of thing mostly cuz im really slow!) :P