This is a poem...please read and critique! thank you:]?

Question

fire burning in my eyes

he looks up with bitter surprise

watches the knife come down from h**l

i relish the spot in which he fell

he tore my heart and ripped my soul

foiled my love and stripped my role

as a lover

as one of the heart

a heart that's split apart

tears hardly matter when you cry

for the one who would rather see you die

a lover indeed

but now i know with cheerful dread

no one can love him because he's dead

Answer 1

I like the strong description in your poem, it's very detailed! Good write!

Answer 2

Wow it's very strong. I like it's presence. It's full of hatred and power. You did very well. :D

Answer 3

It looks like song. Are you sure that it's not song?Any case you have to show this poem to a composer. It would be a very nice song.

Answer 4

nice poem.. specially the last part.. keep up the good work.. and i agree to the answer above.. it would be a great song indeed..