This is a really personal question, but if any girls on here have been raped, how best can a boyfriend help?

Question

My girlfriend has told me a while ago that she was raped twice in the space of two years (at 15 and 17). She's now 19. I have no experience of these situations but she was drugged the first time and drunk the second.

How best can I help or be there for her? She gets angry and defensive every time I try to reason with her about it or get her to see a psychologist..

Answer 1

Rape Crisis is a great place to start, she will be defensive as its still very early days and its hard to come to terms with

Answer 2

My wife has been raped twice, once long before I met her and again before we started dating.

From what she's told me, you don't need to do anything but listen, because there's an excellent chance that she's tried to talk to others before or after the assaults and they just didn't want to listen. Humans have all sorts of different ways of dealing with traumatic experiences, and you trying to get her to see a psychologist against her will is, to her, just another man trying to tell her what to do and control some aspect of her life, like her rapist(s), even if you mean well. Rape is about power and control, not s*x. Remember that first.

She's likely to have quirks or triggers that you won't (or can't) understand. Recognize that you don't HAVE to understand what's going on in order to support her.

There is little with which to be reasoned when it comes to rape and sexual violence, so don't even bother.

Answer 3

Understand that certain phrases or actions can trigger memories for her. It may not make sense to you, but it's probably linked to the rape. For example, I can't stand when a guy takes my hand and puts it in his crotch, even if I want it there, because that was part of what was done to me.

Also, encourage her to get help as soon as possible. I waited for 20 years, and I wish I had got help a lot sooner. And most importantly, remind her that it is NOT her fault, it is HIS fault and no one else's.

Answer 4

Although I have no experience with this issue, I imagine the most you can do is just be there for her without minimizing or forcing the issue. Like most traumas, people will only talk about it when they feel safe and when they're ready. Just be supportive without trying to solve it for her. Good luck.

Answer 5

Dont push the issue on her buddy.. Its a very horrible experience... Counselling helps but only when she is willing to let it go. I've been there and was laughed @ because people thought I was starving for attention. Its hard to deal with matey, when she's ready to really talk to you about it she will and all you can do is comfort her and listen... And just remind her that you are not those horrible people that did that to her and that you will support her through it..