This is my first poem. Please read and critique. add any revisements or edit what you'd like.?

Question

Seven restless nights is what filled my week.

Seven restless nights with very little sleep.

I toss and I turn and I turn and I toss.

Baby help me please, I’m feelin’ so lost.

I close my eyes and try to shut down.

But I still hear a familiar sound.

The beautiful sound of your laughter.

You are what my heart chases after.

So I try again.

But then…

My mind plays a memory of us together.

I could watch this image of us forever.

However I’m physically and mentally fatigued.

Besides you, all I need right now is a good night of sleep.

I consciously dream until my body just dies.

Yet deep inside I know my heart still cries.

I know that it’s vital for me to rest.

I just can’t stop this bleeding from my chest.

My heart needs yours to borrow.

My mind knows I’ll see you tomorrow…

To start my week.

My restless week.

My week without any sleep.

Answer 1

that's good, no need to change anything

but why is this in the basketball section, or are you talking about the finals!!!???

Answer 2

I wouldn't change anything that sounds great!

Answer 3

excellent poem... are you writing about the Finals?

Answer 4

that was good but why is it in the basketball section?

Answer 5

IT is a fantastic poem! Maybe tighten some spots up a little but besides that I really can't find anything else to change about it and I'm an English Teacher! Good job!

Answer 6

What is this? A love poem or an angst poem? FYI don't use "baby" if you're going for depressed. And this is basketball questions, not a forum for personal tragedies. Good luck with whoever this "love" is. You're gonna need it son.

Answer 7

yeah, you're good. If I knew how, I'd give you a gold star!

Answer 8

you could probably sell it to a rapper or somethin if you add like 15 or 20 more lines