This is my first poem. What do you think?

Question

Seven restless nights is what filled my week.

Seven restless nights with very little sleep.

I toss and I turn and I turn and I toss.

Baby help me please, I’m feelin’ so lost.

I close my eyes and try to shut down.

But I still hear a familiar sound.

The beautiful sound of your laughter.

You are what my heart chases after.

So I try again.

But then…

My mind plays a memory of us together.

I could watch this image of us forever.

However I’m physically and mentally fatigued.

Besides you, all I need right now is a good night of sleep.

I consciously dream until my body just dies.

Yet deep inside I know my heart still cries.

I know that it’s vital for me to rest.

I just can’t stop this bleeding from my chest.

My heart needs yours to borrow.

My mind knows I’ll see you tomorrow…

To start my week.

My restless week.

My week without any sleep.

Answer 1

"

The beautiful sound of your laughter.

You are what my heart chases after.

So I try again."

Yeah... sometimes when I remember her happy laugh, it makes me Unhappy.....

good Poem!

Answer 2

If this is as you say,

the first time you've written

in this way,

Good for you,

Hooray, well done.

I think you have earned, 10/10

Answer 3

this is truly wonderful, and i should know, i have won my university's most prestigeous poetry competion!!! you may know it - the John Walker foundation for young talent??

here is a bit of my own work:

roses are red. violets are blue

(but i always thought purple, didn't you?? )

suger is sweet, but not as sweet as YOUR poem!!!

bit of artistic licence there, chum!

i love the way you reflect your own experiences (i can tell this is based on real life!), and it is told with sarcasm of the greatest emphasis. i

i hope my perception is as YOU would have hoped, but i am interested in a little correction here and there.

my freind Jeremy and my other friend Sandii Kyle are also young talents, like myself.

maybe you've heard our poems??

thanks, Pucci Parrot

Answer 4

The poem is ok. I feel really bad for the dude in the poem. Not getting any sleep for so long is torturious. If this poem is based on someone's real emotion, I would suggest that person try going to a club with some friends to relax his mind.

Answer 5

I KNOW where you are! Two children later I am happy. For your first ever poem you get a star, for your baby have another one!

Good luck.

Answer 6

so-so