This is my poem and i was hoping you guys like it haha

Question

okay so i had to make up a poem for school and i had to make up a situation and i decided i was gonna be a single mother who's daughter killed herself after a stressful life and stuff i had a bad chikldhood so i was pushing her to be a great student. gabriella smith is a fake name fyi

Gabriella Smith

My life wasn’t easy

My mom and dad didn’t care (1)

So I thought my daughter would appreciate

My hard work and loss of air (1)

My husband died a while ago

I haven’t been the same (1)

I used to be gentle, genius and generous (3)

He’s all I have to blame (1)

My daughter always came first in my life

I gave her all I’ve never had (1)

Parents that pushed me towards

A life of love, opportunities and never being sad (1)

My daughter killed herself because of me

I guess I pushed too much (1)

After her death sure I was crushed

But it hurt more that our hearts were unable to touch (2) (1)

I died soon after because of a crash

I was thinking about what I’ve done (1)

I am responsible for her death

It’s like I shot the gun (1)

(1) Rhyming

(2) Personification

(3) Alliteration

Answer 1

not bad

Answer 2

It's really good. It has alot of meaning in what your saying that i think alot of people could relate to. Good work!

;)

Answer 3

The lines in your poem have got to have meaning....for example, in the first verse, yes it rhymes, but My hard work and loss of air, doesn't make sense.

My hard work and being there............isn't brilliant, but it's better.

gentle, genius and generous - is alliteration - but, again there isn't much sense there....how about

I feel useless, lost and lonely

You have got some nice touches here - I think your teacher making you rhyme your poem has cramped your style.

My final comment is change the last verse/or just leave it off.....dying in a crash, is just over the top  

Answer 4

It shows you are focused enough to keep the idea and use stanzas, ryming and personiffication