This is no joke?

Question

my 2 cousin was adopted 20 years ago and stile has no idea he was adopted his Amom had kid after she had a surgery i don't know what it was but she had kid like 5 year after she adopt him all the older geration know but not his cosion or his brothers i only know becuse my mom told me and i don't see him that much what do you think i should do keep my mouth shut or tell him

Answer 1

It's absolutely not your place to tell him.

Answer 2

He has a right to know.

Tell him, but be prepared first. He may not believe you, or you may be telling him something he's always suspected.

No matter what his reaction, he's going to feel in shock. Please print out these resources for him so he has a place to turn. He needs to know he's not alone:

http://latediscovery.org

http://latediscovery.org/blog

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LateDiscov...

http://adultadoptees.org/forum

But please tell him. He is an adult and has a right to know. His parents had the opportunity to tell him before, and they blew it. Don't trust them to do right by him. They've already proven they are unable to.

Answer 3

It's unimaginable in this day and age that the parents would even consider keeping it a secret from him.  The longer he waits to find out, the more traumatic it will be for him.  I think he needs to know right away.  It's sad that the adults have handled it so poorly.  But keeping it from him yourself, makes you part of the "sickness" that it is causing.  Please don't read more into that than what I mean.  I just mean that adoption impacts the adtoptee without exception.  Not being told the truth about it is like allowing a virus to grow inside and become more and more serious.  The healing can't begin until the truth is out in the open.  There are very few times when secrets of this nature are healthy.  Most secrets must be told before the healing can begin.

Answer 4

20 years ago the adoption happened? That's crazy that his adopted mother hasn't told him! Is she waiting for there to be a medical scare where her blood doesn't match his or something else along those lines? I don't know why she didn't tell him when he was a teenager (when it's a better time for him to accept it because of being older)  what is she planning to do if one of his birth family members come looking for him? What then?

People need to be open with their children. My adopted dad was also adopted but by his Aunt and he grew up thinking his other Aunt was his Aunt when she was really his mother! He found out in his early 20's also and his real mother never talked of it once. He never got to know his father. Sad when people wait to tell children.

Answer 5

Dont tell him.. If anything, let the woman who adopted him tell him. It will be much better hearing it from her. If you tell him, then it will sound like it was a huge secret.

Answer 6

its his parents choice to tell him or not... you might just be starting problems if you open your mouth

Answer 7

I think thats up to your aunt and uncle to tell him if they are his adopted parents. does it really matter that he was adopted, does that affect any of ur family's love for him, if not then it is a very minor issue. I would say leave it up to his adopted parents because they probably know when the best time to tell him is.

Answer 8

He needs to know.  It would be better to hear it from his adoptive parents, but if they won't do it, you should tell him.  I would tell his adoptive mother that you know about your cousin's adoption and that you think he needs to know.  Tell her that, if she doesn't tell him by such and such a time, you will.  This could open up a whole family can of worms, but your cousin deserves to know about his own life.  If it does open up a whole family can of worms, remember that it isn't your fault, it is theirs for keeping the adoption a secret.  Good Luck.

Answer 9

Tell him. He has a right to know. Don't wait, do it now.

What do all these people mean its not her place. the people that were entrusted TO DO SO, didn't. They're not TRUSTABLE. SOMEBODY in her family has to be and that appears to be HER.

THIS IS HIS LIFE. HIS RIGHT TO IDENTITY, HIS RIGHT TO ANCESTRY. Has anybody read the child rights treaty of the UNITED NATIONS?????????

Talk about discrimination and secrecy! And the first 5 answerers all agree to continue it. Unreal.

Answer 10

I agree with everyone's opinion, however, I do not think that you are thinking this through. Yes, he deserves to know, however, I think the best way to handle this is to meet with your aunt and uncle, let them know what you know, how you are feeling, and tell them that you feel it is his right to know, and give them the opportunity to disclose that information first, advising them, what your plan is if they do not.

You have to remember that you are going to be turning someone's life up side down, so this needs to be thought through first.  I would even seek some professional counsel if possible.

Answer 11

Sorry its not your place to tell him. I think it is  wrong to not tell them but everyone handles adoption differently.

Answer 12

not your place!

Answer 13

well i think you should talk to his mom and see what she wants to do. if she wants him to know tell him or let his real mother tell him.