This is really bothering me: Please read and answer...SERIOUS ADULT QUESTION THANKS?

Question

Im in a serious realtionship and I am in my 20's...I asked my boyfriend if he was attending a bachelor party in a few months since he is one of the groommens..he said hes not going because he is not single and he is with me and he doesnt want to upset me and disrespect me. I told him I do not want him to not go because of me, I want him to not go because of he feels that its not right, against his apparent morals and values...yet he said something that I know he is saying because of the past. I stated my feelings but I just do not think his reasoning is true. How should I go about addressing the rest of this issue, since its still bothering me. Please seriousness. Thanks GOD BLESS!

Answer 1

You are making way too much out of this.  He isn't going -- sounds like on your terms he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  That's not fair.

Accept his reasons and leave it at that.   You are making way too much out of this.

Answer 2

I think you're being silly.  Sorry but if it's a serious relationship then you have to trust him to behave appropriately, otherwise you need a new relationship with someone you do trust.  If he didn't want to go to the bachelor party he shouldn't have agreed to be a groomsman.  He's obligated to go and I personally would be way more embarrassed if my boyfriend showed such horrible manner as to not go.

Answer 3

In your case, I think that your Boyfriend does want to go to this Party but he really wants you to tell him it is okay with you for him to go.

As the saying goes Men, will be Men, meaning that they usually do what they please and they sometimes do not take into consideration what the other Half thinks about it, meaning you.

If he really values the relationship you both have I think he should think it over and tell his friends that he would rather stay with you, than go to the Party, if this guys get angry because of it than they are not friends to begin with. The only solution to this problem is that both of you should be able to talk about this problem and come to an understanding about it.

Answer 4

i'm sorry, but you should take into account that he is a GUY. you should appreciate the fact that he's not going out of respect for you, if you keep telling him that's not enough, then you're just going to push him away, and maybe even change his mind about going. somtimes you just have to bite your tongue and be happy that your with a respectable guy.

Answer 5

Personally, I think bachelor parties are a bad idea if they are held true to the steroetypical stripper/drunken bashes of the past. If you are set to marry your beloved, then why enter into that relationship by partying with other females and not the one that you love? I shall never understand that. It is thoughtful that he considered your feelings. Perhaps a suggestion could be made that instead of a boy party/ girl party, combine the party to a "couples" party and go out for a great time with the one that you love - that seems appropriate to me and there are numerous ways that the evening could be spent. That way there would be no unanswered questions of what the boys are up to, what the girls are up to. Perhaps everyone would prefer to go together - you can always ask! As for more discussion with your boyfriend the only real way to deal with the issues is to sit down and ask. No one will fault you for sharing your feelings and asking. Good luck!  

Answer 6

Really I don't understand what you are asking but from what I gathered I would like to share this with you: He is a groomsmen and he must be a good friend of the groom and he should attend the Bachelor Party, I cant see him not attending is making some great moral stand. I mean if there is going to be any illegal activity there it already suggest that he's not wise about the company he keeps.  I also don't understand why you are  sweating the small stuff!! This is so very unimportant for someone in a serious relationship. Length of the relationship doesn't make it a serious relationship. A serious relationship is between two people that love, respect  and honor the person they have chosen to be involved with. It means you accept them and you don't try to change them. You accept there word for there word. until they prove otherwise.  

Answer 7

I think he should go.... he's a groomsmen!!!  It's just a party- he should go and show his face for a couple hours at least!!  

Answer 8

i would have to say that he might be the ONLY "taken" man to say he doesn't want to go to a bachelor party cuz he doesn't want to upset or disrespect his SO.  so what he is doing to you is putting you on a guilt trip saying "oh it's ok to go, have a good time" so when he does go and has a good time and you bring it up at a later time, and you know you will, he does too, so when that happens he can look you dead in the eye and tell you "well, you told me to go didn't you?"

Answer 9

i kind of agree...i'm not too sure what you'd like to address, but i think it is great he is not going out of respect for you. if you are saying you'd like to delve more into why he's not going, just simply sit down and lay everything out for him. he seems like a pretty understanding guy.

Answer 10

okay, bachelor parties happen. Especially when you are in your twenties. Your boyfriend clearly loves you in order to respect the fact that you aren't exactly thrilled on the idea. From G to X rated bachelor parties can get out of hand and many guys make bad decisions on the especially wild night but realize that restricting him, even if you don't technically tell him he can't go isn't showing him you trust him. After all you mean more to him than any stripper he might watch shake her booty for one night, if you trust him he'll come home to you because you are all his and he has way more respect for you. Good luck!

Answer 11

he said all that, just in different words honey.

you should be grateful for such a man.

Answer 12

I would think him not going just out of respect for you would be enough.  

Answer 13

You should be so happy that he doesn't want to go because of you =)

Answer 14

why do u have to make it complicated??

he told u straight up that hes not going because he respects u and feels that by doing so, it might hurt u in return

and that simply menas that according to his morals and values n beliefs, a stupid bachelor party is not priority over u

that shud make u feel loved and show u how much this guy is willing to do for u

however, u intend on being pessimistic and look at the other side of his response

ur wasting ur energy thinking abou this shitt when its not even significant

he doesnt wanna go and by not hurting u, hes happy

so leave him alone and let him do his thing

Answer 15

I'm not sure what more you want from him. He seems like he is respecting your feelings. You should just let it go.

Answer 16

uhh i would have loved my husband to have said that,he would have gone.But i trust him.

Answer 17

Goodness, what else do you want.  How else can he spell it out for you:  He's committed, respectful and cares about how you feel.  Count your blessings and let the rest go.  

Answer 18

I think that by saying he didnt want to go because he wanted to respect you IS saying that he feels its not right.  

I mean, what exactly do you want here?

Answer 19

I would just take what he tells you as good enough reason as of why he doesn't want to go. Just be glad that he has enough respect for you to not go.

Answer 20

He does have morals and values. He's with you now and considered your feelings about this too.  

Answer 21

Your man is choosing not to do something that he knows you won't approve of, and you have a problem with that? Stop over analyzing the issue or you will tie yourself up in knots. He wants  to do right by you, why would you have a problem with that? You can't control what he may or may not think.