This is terrible...any suggestions?

Question

I serve as a father-figure and mentor for a boy in his late teens. I have a wife and two young sons, and between that, my job, and helping others, it's very difficult finding time to spend with him. I know he really needs me, and he even confessed to me that recently, he has started feeling the need to detach from me for fear that I'll let him down. He's afraid I'll disappoint him, so he's beginning to be aloof with me. He won't approach me to talk as often as he used to, and doesn't call me nearly as much. I don't want to lose him, but it's difficult for me to be with him as often as he needs. I'm on the verge of losing him, and I haven't yet redeemed myself. If he completely detaches from me, I don't know what he'll do. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Maybe you're looking at this all the wrong way.  Maybe you're not losing him so much as he's developing independence. Relax with the detachment and just observe how it manifests itself. It could well be that as he feels comfortable being a certain distance from you, he will naturally extend that distance a bit to establish his own autonomy without fear that he's losing anything. Ultimately, that's the best gift we can offer any person growing into adulthood...the confidence to go their own way. It sounds like you're doing a great job, and God bless you for it.

Answer 2

I think it's kinda weird for a teen guy to call an adult male...

Answer 3

well it seems like like to me you are very busy got to diffrent worlds there, you have to make time for both try to squeeze in your mentor as well as much as you can.im a writer still learning alot about that and i got friends complain i dont call or see them much im also a mom of two daughters. and i am busy with them until there bed time. but when there alseep i do my mommy time. so see you have to set a schedule plan out time for others.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like he has abandonment issues. In a way it's very smart of him to detach himself because he might not be able to stand another let down.

It sounds like your life is pretty full right now... which is truley unfortunate for him as he wont feel like he's getting the attention he needs. You have to be worried about yourself as well... throwing away your needs to attend to his, although nice in theory, isn't great for you.

You need to figure out if you can be a solid role model for him. If you can then ASSERT yourself more fiercly and make him conviced that you are there for him. Maybe include him in your family's activities more often.

If you can't handle it you need to talk to him about it and explain why. Although he might be upset with your decsion at first in time he will most likely come to understand why you made the choice.