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This is the hard thing I been threw. Any advice? I know it is long, but I am hurting.?

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Well I am a man that has a broken heart. I was very hurt by my ex wife. She cheated on me over and over for about 8 years, 4 years not married and 4 married. She left me and my two sons 8 years ago, they are now 11 and13. Their was a step-son that was dropped off to his father that was never there for him. I accepted him like my own, even tho she threw it in my face all the time that he was not mine.No contact with them at all. She call me once in a blue moon to ask how they are doing, but not talk to them.

I just separated with my g'f of 3 years a month ago. I was scared to marry and used all kind of excuses not to marry her. I bottle up all the time and didn't express my feelings. This was our main problem and I realize it. I worked all the time to support us. She wanted to go to school and I told her don't worry about the bills, cause I got it. I loved her and her kids like they was my own.We had children from prior marriages, she had three and I had 2. All boys. She started back to church again 11 months ago after being off from it 2 something years. She said she felt convicted, cause we was not married. I realize that now. But she also is very angry and throw thing I did not do. I realize that what I did and it is a two way street two, she did her share that made me feel certain ways.

Well I started church a month ago and she left 2 days after that. I went to both services. The messages I got out of them, I felt they did it cause I was there. It hit me like nothing else before. I am in my mid 30's (she is 30 years old) and have not had a church up bringing (I been only a couple times). For the first time I felt the message. I went back the next day to ask to be saved. Well the funny thing is that in this time, things that are happen to me I can not explain. I have never felt like this before in my life. I started to relize thing about my relationship. Things I did in my past before her that I sinned for was flashing before my eye. I had no burnding on my shoulders. Some reason I forgave my ex wife for what she did and other that did to me. I stopped cussing with out a thought (my kids realized that). I was not scared to marry anymore (weird). I felt deep down in my heart that I wanted to marry her. When I had bad days I talked to her and she was having a hard time that day, it was like I felt her pain (weird). I asked her to marry me and got no answer back other then the next day she is not ready to come back yet. That day I turned the radio on in my truck for the first time to listen to a christian channel and it was about how a man and woman suppose to smit to each other (weird) Things like this is happening to me.

The other day I was walking and felt hurt and to santin to get out of our lives and leave us alone. I started to sing and this hymm in my head was playing. This is the funny thing that freaked me out was that one of my favorite scrips that I goto is when Peter walked on water. The hymm that was in my head was Love lifted me. Last not I looked that song up and for the first time I realize that that scrip and that song was tied together. It freaked me out. We talk alittle about the bible and got on the subject of free will and she said we had none and I knew we did have a choice of right or wrong. Also we talked about letting go the past and she said it is hard to. I told her read Mat 6:14 and 15 about forgiveness. I don't understand she wanted me to commit to her and God and I did. The Commiting to God blow me away cause I can not explain what is happening to me. I thought I try it and man it is amazon. She moved away from here so she can not witness this.

Today I am having a bad day. The day started great and around 10 o'clock I felt like crawling in a corner and dying. I feel so much doubt in my furture. I feel like life is not worth it anymore. Awful feeling. I don't know if it is her pain that she is feeling, but it is that most awfullest feeling. My heart hurt so bad. I feel like I am chasing a dead end with her like my ex. She wants us to give our selves to God and see what he has planned for us. She say things like I am not ready to come back and who knows what the future brings. Things are not going for her llike she thought. No money, almost homeless with her kids. I feel that I can not live with out her. I have lost all hope today. I know God got plans for me, but this woman is what my heart desires. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel that I am torn between have faith in us or letting her go so I focus on Jesus more. I am doing both but days like bring me way down. I start counciling on Sept 2nd to help me and my boys. I got them involved in church as well. I go as much as I can. I read the bible everyday and for the first time I love to read. I hated to read anything all my life. Sorry this is so long, but I am in pain and have nobody to really turn to right this min. Thanks for reading.

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10 ANSWERS


  1. I'm sorry to hear about your  hard times.  It sounds like you are a loving man with a good head on your shoulders.  As hard as it may seem, try and keep a positive outlook on life.  Life can change for the best just as quickly as it turned sour.  Good luck to you.  


  2. You need to find a really good counselor(it might take awhile) and start the healing process.  Stay away from psychiatrists if you can.

  3. I can hear your pain coming right through this somewhat tangled up post.

    You are on the right track.  Ask the Good Lord for direction and guidance and listen closely to what he tells you.

    God does answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is "No".  Accept the path He puts you on.

    EDIT:  I agree with Truth.  Do not start taking any antidepressants.  Talk with your minister, if you can, or someone else you trust.  Keep your faith in the Lord.  Everything happens for a reason.......

  4. Wow.  So glad you understand things better.

    My suggestion:

    Focus on your boys - they need you so much

    stay in church and go to church activities

    When you feel down pray and call your new church friends & Pastor

    Join Men's ministry and Promise Keepers.

    If she doesn't want to be with you, forget her.

    There are plenty of Christian women in need of good husbands

    Keep the faith.

    Joy to you!

  5. DONT SKIP THIS!!

    Okay so first you need to take a deep breath to clear your thoughts.It is obvious that you find confort in God.So go to a christian counselor.Its not a like one of those shrinks who only talk about themselves then prescribe you medication.These are the kind who sit down with you and listen while you pour your heart out.I know,because I went to one.I thought they would just talk about God and thats it.I wasn't much of a believer then.But now I am bound to God.I depend on Him more.That should help.

      Now about your girlfriend.You may desire her in your heart,but maybe you still need some more time.I know that you will probably doubt this,but she is already like your wife.Not legally,of course.But she belongs to you,right??....and about her money issues.I actually have something to reccomend.I do this online and make LOADS of money.Its called Online Surveys ETC.What you do is that you take surveys from Nike,Walmart,Amazon,etc. and get paid $25-75 per survey.Too good to be true right??Its not,because I make $4,000 a month with it full time.Comanies want your opinion so badly they are willing to pay for it.I am living proof it works.I will give you the link in a second.You can try this to,if you want.

      You WILL get through this.God has got your back.No matter what,always believe.Your life can turn around when you least expect it.And if you really love your Girlfriend,wait for her.She is worth it.I think things happen for a reason.Your girlfriend may just be one of the reasons.Don't lose that by pushing marriage.

    I wish you good luck and God bless,

        Katherine

  6. i have tears in m eyes you sweet man i wish i could take your pain away look on my profile and e mail me you sweet man i am praying for you honey

  7. Look, body, the #1 thing you need to do is DO NOT TAKE ANY MEDICATION for your situation, if you do, you will depend on them for a very very very long time and that will help the problems.

    Now what i can tell you is this, if you know that she loves, if she is the one that you want in your life and you are the one she wants in he life, if you have the idea that she will never cheat on you, and she has been trustworthy on everything, if you know that she loves you. Then i know you need to marry that woman and get it over with.

    Look, there is nothing about being deceived. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with you, i mean, if your ex wife cheated on you. You should thank God that she left you. Your ex wife could have made your life so miserable. So, i think you need to thank God that she left. Now, your ex life, what you need to do is MOVE ON and STOP living in the past. The past is the Pass.  

  8. mate i hav no idea what to do but reading this almost made me start crying

    good luck  

  9. I will start by saying how much I understand your pain.  God never gives us something we can't handle.  Your boys should be priority.  It's good to know you found your faith.  That will give you such peace.  If this woman is meant to be your partner, she will be.  Just when we feel we are at our lowest, God is there.  Let me share something with you so can see how strong faith and the love of God are.  When I was married to my ex husband he would drink a lot.  We had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and a half with no luck.  I know bad idea.  We saw a fertility specialist and nothing.  Then we stopped trying, it was stressing me out too much.  Well a few months later, my period was late.  The doctor told me to wait 3 days to take a test to see if I was pregnant.  The day before I was supposed to take the test, my ex husband never came home  from work. My ex is an alcoholic.  That night he was out drinking and never came home.  The cops stopped him and he was arrested for dui.  I was so angry, sad, pissed, every emotion possible.  This wasn't the first time he was arrested.  That night was my lowest.  I even contemplated death.  I just wanted the pain to go away.  I must have cried so much that I must have fallen asleep.  The next morning I woke up to go to the restroom and what was there?  The test.  I didn't want to take it.  I thought, I don't need this now.  But I took it. It was positive.  I didn't know what to think.  What made me angry was I was alone and had no one to tell. Since that day, I think of my son as my life saver.  I'm so glad he's in my life.  God knew what had to happen. He'll know for you too.  In the end I left my husband and am now raising my son on my own and I could not be happier.  Just keep believing in God.  Be strong!  Good luck and God bless you!

  10. Giver her time.  She needs to be sure that you are truly committed.  Focus on your sons for now, give her some space and she will come back.  Whenever my dad is down we always go to a game or just hang out at the park, that always makes him feel better so try to do the same with your sons.  

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