This is to foster parents, who could be adopting or not...?

Question

how do you keep from getting too attached to child when you might never get to keep him/her, or possibly not even get to see him/her after a certain time period?...i am thinking of becoming a foster parent

Answer 1

and they get money, don't forget the money. That's the real reason most go into foster parenting.

Answer 2

Having been a foster parent, I can tell you it is very difficult. You do get so attached, of course!  You are parenting this child.  Kissing their boo boo's, rocking them to sleep, staying up with them when they're sick, holding them when they cry because they miss their Mom.  You may have to see them broken up because a parent did not make a scheduled visit, or you may have to take them for counseling for their trauma,  even see them go back to an abusive parent.  It is hard.  There is really only one way to look at it:   You are there to parent that child in every way possible, contributing in every way positively to their lives.  If they end up being returned to a less than ideal situation, at least they will have had a small reprieve of a stable, nurturing and gentle life.  No one can ever take that away from them, and they will be immeasurably better for it, whether it was for a day or a year.

Answer 3

I've just begun the process of getting approval for the Home Study, myself.  I thought about fostering to adopt (instead of just straight adoption), but I couldn't deal with the emotional attachment of caring for a child, then giving him up.  So, I've decided to go the regular adoption route.  

I've always admired people who could foster a child.  I think you have to prepare yourself from the beginning and think of the child as sort of a  house guest--you know, like a relative who is going to stay with you for a time and then return to his/her parents.  That way, you can enjoy the time you spend together, but you know that you're not the parent and that they have to go home eventually.

You should keep reminding yourself that even a short time with you could have a positive effect on the child's self-esteem and their sense of self-worth.  Even if it is temporary, you're still making such a huge difference in the child's life.  Good luck to you.  :)

Answer 4

I'm soon to be a foster parent (first child in about 6 weeks), and I'm a bit worried about the same thing myself!  I've decided to be a long term foster parent, so that after a couple of years, if the child doesn't return to their birth family, they will stay in your guardianship until 18.  I live in Australia, I don't know how things run in your area, but that is one option.

I think basically there's no way to stop yourself getting attached, and in fact I would discourage it, because attatchment and bonding is so important for young children, especially those who may never have experienced it with their birth parents (which many foster children haven't).  I have a LOT of people say to me that they could never be a foster parent because they would get too attached to the child, or they would 'love them too much'.  I personally feel that you have to love these children so much that you are prepared to let them go when you have to.  It's a big ask, and certainly not for everybody, but the more I've learnt, the more determined I am that this is the way for me.  Nobody can make a decision like this for you, you need to really look inside yourself and decide if this is what you truly want.  Good luck, it's a huge decision, and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

My bf and I have had our foster son for three years now.  He is wonderful.  You should try it is rewarding.  Cause you get to give a child love and get love in return.  Some children have it rough out there and they need someone to give them the love they need till their own parents get their lives back in order.  As for our son his mom has done nothing to get him back and we are thinking about adopting him soon.

Answer 6

I really dont have experience in this but look at it like that old saying it is better to have love and lost then to never loved at all, you seem like a very loving person and to think you might be the only love a child might get even if it is brief it is profound. I think it take a strong person with a big heart and if that describes you then you should consider it.